by Max Barry

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The Holy Pink Morons of PatrickStar

“All Hail The Magic Conch” The Magic Conch

Category: Iron Fist Consumerists
Civil Rights:
Unheard Of
Economy:
Powerhouse
Political Freedoms:
Outlawed

Regional Influence: Squire

Location: Texas

OverviewFactbookDispatchesPoliciesPeopleGovernmentEconomyRankTrendCards

PatrickStar

Population10.939 billion

CapitalShell City
LeaderThe Magic Conch
FaithConchism

CurrencyPatrick
AnimalPatrick

The Holy Pink Morons of PatrickStar is a gargantuan, efficient nation, ruled by The Magic Conch with an iron fist, and renowned for its enslaved workforce, anti-smoking policies, and compulsory vegetarianism. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, humorless, devout population of 10.939 billion Patrick are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The enormous, corrupt, moralistic, well-organized government is dominated by the Department of Defense, with Spirituality, Law & Order, and Administration also on the agenda, while Welfare and Social Policy are ignored. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Shell City. The average income tax rate is 96.3%.

The powerhouse Patrick economy, worth a remarkable 2,714 trillion Patricks a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is an enormous, deeply entrenched, highly specialized black market in Arms Manufacturing, Uranium Mining, and Woodchip Exports. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is an amazing 248,192 Patricks, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.6 times as much as the poorest.

Tourists visiting the nation are warned not to drink local tap water, the teaching of evolution has been banned, blind dates tend to result in bruised shins, and it is written that The Magic Conch removed one finger and reattached it to the amazement of all. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. PatrickStar's national animal is the Patrick, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation, and its national religion is Conchism.

PatrickStar is ranked 1,105th in the world and 1st in Texas for Most Primitive, scoring 225.75 on the Scary Big Number Scale.

Top
1%
Most Advanced Defense Forces: 129thMost Devout: 306thMost Ignorant Citizens: 333rdLargest Black Market: 643rdMost Corrupt Governments: 816thLargest Arms Manufacturing Sector: 883rdMost Primitive: 1,105thLargest Manufacturing Sector: 1,419thLargest Mining Sector: 1,490thMost Politically Apathetic Citizens: 1,687thMost Valuable International Artwork: 2,078thTop
5%
Most Advanced Law Enforcement: 2,499thMost Avoided: 2,529thHighest Average Incomes: 3,573rdLowest Crime Rates: 3,755thHighest Average Tax Rates: 3,784thHighest Poor Incomes: 4,247thLargest Governments: 4,483rdLargest Timber Woodchipping Industry: 4,615thHighest Economic Output: 5,610thMost Influential: 7,468thMost Subsidized Industry: 7,916thHighest Unexpected Death Rate: 9,862ndMost Advanced Public Transport: 9,874thMost Conservative: 10,391stHighest Wealthy Incomes: 10,642ndMost World Assembly Endorsements: 11,851stTop
10%
Most Extensive Public Healthcare: 13,149thMost Authoritarian: 14,699thMost Advanced Public Education: 17,069thLargest Furniture Restoration Industry: 18,256th
Top
1%
Most Primitive: 1st in the regionMost Ignorant Citizens: 1st in the regionTop
5%
Most Devout: 2nd in the regionMost Advanced Defense Forces: 2nd in the regionLargest Black Market: 3rd in the regionLargest Arms Manufacturing Sector: 4th in the regionMost Authoritarian: 4th in the regionMost Corrupt Governments: 4th in the regionMost Conservative: 4th in the regionMost Advanced Law Enforcement: 4th in the regionHighest Average Tax Rates: 6th in the regionLargest Manufacturing Sector: 6th in the regionLargest Mining Sector: 6th in the regionMost Avoided: 7th in the regionLowest Crime Rates: 8th in the regionLargest Timber Woodchipping Industry: 8th in the regionLargest Governments: 9th in the regionTop
10%
Highest Poor Incomes: 10th in the regionMost Advanced Public Transport: 11th in the regionHighest Average Incomes: 12th in the regionMost Politically Apathetic Citizens: 12th in the regionMost Extreme: 15th in the regionMost Valuable International Artwork: 16th in the regionMost Subsidized Industry: 16th in the region

National Happenings

Most Recent Government Activity:

  • : PatrickStar voted against the World Assembly Resolution "Freedom Of Association".
  • : PatrickStar was ranked in the Top 1% of the world for Most Advanced Law Enforcement.
  • : PatrickStar was ranked in the Top 1% of the world for Most Advanced Law Enforcement.
  • : PatrickStar voted against the World Assembly Resolution "Repeal "Digital Network Defense"".
  • : PatrickStar voted for the World Assembly Resolution "Repeal "Digital Network Defense"".
  • : PatrickStar's influence in Texas fell from "Apprentice" to "Squire".
  • : PatrickStar's influence in Texas rose from "Squire" to "Apprentice".
  • : PatrickStar voted against the World Assembly Resolution "Condemn Dilber".
  • : PatrickStar was ranked in the Top 5% of the world for Most World Assembly Endorsements.
  • : PatrickStar voted against the World Assembly Resolution "Prohibition Of Honor-Based Violence".

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World Assembly

Endorsements Received: 3 » NewTexas, Tishanda, and Indian Empire.

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