The Römisch-Germanisch Reich of Patriums is a massive, efficient nation, ruled by Kaiser-Augustus Erick V with an iron fist, and notable for its museums and concert halls, barren, inhospitable landscape, and ubiquitous missile silos. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, humorless, devout population of 4.946 billion Patriumians are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The medium-sized, corrupt, moralistic, well-organized government prioritizes Defense, although Law & Order, Industry, and Education are also considered important, while International Aid isn't funded at all. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Roma. The average income tax rate is 85.9%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Patriumen economy, worth a remarkable 1,454 trillion Denarian Marks a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with major contributions from Information Technology, Book Publishing, and Uranium Mining. Black market activity is rampant. State-owned companies are reasonably common. Average income is an amazing 294,055 Denarian Marks, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.8 times as much as the poorest.

Earthquake sirens are a leading cause of hearing loss, Roma University is said to be the modern-day Tower of Babel, nudity is frowned upon, and people accuse the government of being in bed with Big Safety. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Patriums's national animal is the Falcon, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to toxic air pollution, and its national religion is Christianity.

Patriums is ranked 313,851^st in the world and 32^nd in The Order of Corinth for Most Primitive, scoring -740.46 on the Scary Big Number Scale.