The Most Serene Republic of Phoronu is a gargantuan, environmentally stunning nation, ruled by G Edwardius with an even hand, and notable for its anti-smoking policies, complete lack of prisons, and devotion to social welfare. The compassionate, cheerful population of 17.044 billion Phoronuans are fiercely patriotic and enjoy great social equality; they tend to view other, more capitalist countries as somewhat immoral and corrupt.

The enormous, corrupt government juggles the competing demands of Education, Healthcare, and Administration. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of New Phoronus. The average income tax rate is 98.0%.

The frighteningly efficient Phoronuan economy, worth a remarkable 2,986 trillion Phoronuan Dollars a year, is highly specialized and led by the Information Technology industry, with major contributions from Tourism and Book Publishing. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an impressive 175,236 Phoronuan Dollars, and distributed extremely evenly, with practically no difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Only those who apply can study applied maths, the optimally efficient parking strategy for business commuters is referred to as the "traveling salesman problem", every diamond ring sold is accompanied by a twenty-five page analysis and a waiver, and baby boys who pick up pink crayons are sent to a psychiatric ward. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Phoronu's national animal is the Quick Toed Sloth, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is Non-Movementarianism.

Phoronu is ranked 308,706^th in the world and 5,677^th in The North Pacific for Most Primitive, scoring -442.02 on the Scary Big Number Scale.