by Max Barry

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The Little Caesarate of Pizzaburg

“Si tibi triginta minutis non traditur, est gratuita”

Category: Compulsory Consumerist State
Civil Rights:
Below Average
Economy:
Frightening
Political Freedoms:
Few

Regional Influence: Hermit

Location: The Pizza Confederation

OverviewFactbookPoliciesPeopleGovernmentEconomyRankTrendCards

Pizzaburg

Population7.584 billion

CapitalPineapple-and-Hamburg
LeaderEmperor Charles Entertainment Cheese
FaithChurch of Jesus Crust of Latter-Day Sauce

Currencyslice
Animalanchovy

The Little Caesarate of Pizzaburg is a colossal, orderly nation, ruled by Emperor Charles Entertainment Cheese with an iron fist, and remarkable for its public floggings, zero percent divorce rate, and spontaneously combusting cars. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, humorless population of 7.584 billion Pizzabourgeoisie are rabid consumers, partly through choice and partly because the government tells them to and dissenters tend to vanish from their homes at night.

The tiny, corrupt, pro-business government is effectively ruled by the Department of Industry, with Spirituality also on the agenda, while Healthcare and Environment aren't funded at all. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Pineapple-and-Hamburg. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 4.6%.

The frighteningly efficient Pizzaburguesque economy, worth 892 trillion slices a year, is driven almost entirely by the private sector, which is quite specialized and dominated by the Pizza Delivery industry, with significant contributions from Soda Sales, Gambling, and Door-to-door Insurance Sales. Average income is an impressive 117,623 slices, but there is a vast disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 921,972 per year while the poor average 3,774, a ratio of 244 to 1.

Many believe that you can't repeat history's mistakes if you don't care what they were, in its new More is More campaign the government advertises obese men and women posing coquettishly with baked goods to spare their blushes, it's a comma comma comma comma comma rebellion, and Eckie-Ecola has declared that their soda poop is The Real Thing. Crime, especially youth-related, is all-pervasive, with the police force struggling against a lack of funding and a high mortality rate. Pizzaburg's national animal is the anchovy, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation, and its national religion is Church of Jesus Crust of Latter-Day Sauce.

Pizzaburg is ranked 120,893rd in the world and 1st in The Pizza Confederation for Most Stationary, with 293.04448606252 days.

Top
1%
Largest Pizza Delivery Sector: 5thFattest Citizens: 496thHighest Drug Use: 520thHighest Unexpected Death Rate: 534thGreatest Rich-Poor Divides: 1,340thLargest Soda Pop Sector: 1,550thMost Ignorant Citizens: 1,686thMost Avoided: 1,803rdHighest Crime Rates: 1,837thMost Politically Apathetic Citizens: 1,989thLargest Gambling Industry: 2,642ndLowest Overall Tax Burden: 2,749thHighest Wealthy Incomes: 2,812thTop
5%
Largest Insurance Industry: 5,058thHighest Disposable Incomes: 5,261stMost Primitive: 5,514thTop
10%
Most Secular: 17,321stMost Rebellious Youth: 17,582ndMost Efficient Economies: 18,702ndMost Corrupt Governments: 21,488thMost Subsidized Industry: 22,700th

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