The Święta Rzeczpospolita of Polszka is a massive, orderly nation, ruled by Donasław Kaczytusk with an iron fist, and remarkable for its compulsory military service, pith helmet sales, and aversion to nipples. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, devout population of 2.324 billion Polszkans are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The medium-sized, corrupt, moralistic, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Law & Order, and Industry. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Warszafka. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 43.1%.

The frighteningly efficient Polszkan economy, worth 231 trillion złoties a year, is fairly diversified and led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with major contributions from Retail, Uranium Mining, and Trout Farming. Black market activity is extensive. Average income is 99,641 złoties, but there is a significant disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 361,627 per year while the poor average 19,553, a ratio of 18.5 to 1.

People think garlic bread counts as one of their "five a day", governments opposing Polszka are beset by rebels, young girls often attend the same schools as their children, and sports club owners are having a moneyball. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Polszka's national animal is the white eagle, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to toxic air pollution, and its national religion is Polish Catholicism.

Polszka is ranked 310,365^th in the world and 11^th in Astatontingedoan Peninsula for Most Pacifist, with 6 cheeks turned per day.