The Second Best Colony of Second Best Puppet 59 is a colossal, cultured nation, ruled by Noah with an iron fist, and renowned for its barren, inhospitable landscape, parental licensing program, and otherworldly petting zoo. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, humorless, devout population of 6.721 billion Second Best Puppet 59ians are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The large, corrupt, moralistic government juggles the competing demands of Industry, Administration, and Law & Order. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 89.2%.

The frighteningly efficient Second Best Puppet 59ian economy, worth a remarkable 1,257 trillion cards a year, is fairly diversified and led by the Retail industry, with significant contributions from Information Technology, Woodchip Exports, and Uranium Mining. Black market activity is rampant. State-owned companies are reasonably common. Average income is an impressive 187,088 cards, with the richest citizens earning 6.8 times as much as the poorest.

A shocking number of estate planners are beneficiaries of their clients' wills, inheritance tax has recently been abolished, a degree of self-hatred is vital for a future in politics, and laborers are building walls and making Wezeltonia pay for it. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a very well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Second Best Puppet 59's national animal is the legendary, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation.

Second Best Puppet 59 is ranked 14,870^th in the world and 683^rd in Two for Lowest Crime Rates, with 94.33 law-abiding acts per hour.