The Republic of Slowakia is a gargantuan, efficient nation, remarkable for its parental licensing program, prohibition of alcohol, and devotion to social welfare. The hard-nosed, humorless, devout population of 14.045 billion Slowakians have some civil rights, but not too many, enjoy the freedom to spend their money however they like, to a point, and take part in free and open elections, although not too often.

The medium-sized, corrupt government juggles the competing demands of Administration, Education, and Defense. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Bratislava. The average income tax rate is 72.6%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Slowakian economy, worth a remarkable 2,099 trillion Golds a year, is broadly diversified and dominated by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with significant contributions from Uranium Mining, Woodchip Exports, and Information Technology. Black market activity is rampant. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an impressive 149,474 Golds, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Pristine wilderness has been trashed in the quest for cheaper oil, a blood-red mark on the doorframe means a building must be passed over for destruction, corporations claim the third ounce of any metal traded in a wicker-cone on the Sunday of a full moon as a charitable expense, and oil executives can be seen reluctantly cleaning oil-soaked birds. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Slowakia's national animal is the Elephant, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation.

Slowakia is ranked 253,768^th in the world and 9,013^th in Lazarus for Most Cheerful Citizens, with 44.35 Percentage Of Water Glasses Perceived Half-Full.