by Max Barry

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The People's Republic of Stalinist Albania

“Punetoret e te gjithe vendeve bashkohuni!”

Category: Inoffensive Centrist Democracy
Civil Rights:
Very Good
Economy:
Strong
Political Freedoms:
Average

Regional Influence: Truckler

Location: International Socialism

OverviewPoliciesPeopleGovernmentEconomyRankTrendCards

Stalinist Albania

Population10.807 billion

CapitalTirana
LeaderEnver Halil Hoxha

CurrencyLek
AnimalGolden eagle

The People's Republic of Stalinist Albania is a gargantuan, cultured nation, ruled by Enver Halil Hoxha with an even hand, and renowned for its complete lack of prisons, infamous sell-swords, and absence of drug laws. The hard-working population of 10.807 billion Albanians have some civil rights, but not too many, enjoy the freedom to spend their money however they like, to a point, and take part in free and open elections, although not too often.

The tiny government juggles the competing demands of Law & Order, Environment, and Education. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Tirana. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 7.1%.

The strong Albanian economy, worth 337 trillion Leks a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is a slick, highly efficient, highly specialized black market in Tourism, Book Publishing, and Information Technology. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is 31,254 Leks, but there is a significant disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 101,173 per year while the poor average 7,290, a ratio of 13.9 to 1.

Dubiously qualified East Lebatuckese doctors prescribe ice baths as a treatment for pneumonia, the government has declared its commitment to multilateralism, police officers that upset their bosses get assigned to 24 hour stakeouts of bike sheds, and fashion models are guaranteed to be 100% genuinely as anorexic as they appear on magazine covers. Crime, especially youth-related, is pervasive, perhaps because of the country's complete lack of prisons. Stalinist Albania's national animal is the Golden eagle, which soars majestically through the nation's famously clear skies.

Stalinist Albania is ranked 115,704th in the world and 22nd in International Socialism for Largest Retail Industry, scoring -4.27 on the Shrinkwrap Consignment Productivity Index.

Top
5%
Highest Crime Rates: 2,329thMost Cheerful Citizens: 5,412thTop
10%
Highest Workforce Participation Rate: 10,904thMost Rebellious Youth: 11,555thMost Armed: 11,906thMost Secular: 12,229thMost Average: 14,851st
Top
5%
Lowest Overall Tax Burden: 1st in the regionHighest Crime Rates: 1st in the regionMost Armed: 1st in the regionGreatest Rich-Poor Divides: 2nd in the regionLargest Publishing Industry: 2nd in the regionTop
10%
Most Average: 5th in the regionRudest Citizens: 5th in the regionMost Rebellious Youth: 5th in the regionMost Avoided: 5th in the region

National Happenings

Most Recent Government Activity:

  • : Stalinist Albania was ranked in the Top 10% of the world for Most Average.
  • : Following new legislation in Stalinist Albania, fashion models are guaranteed to be 100% genuinely as anorexic as they appear on magazine covers.
  • : Following new legislation in Stalinist Albania, police officers that upset their bosses get assigned to 24 hour stakeouts of bike sheds.
  • : Following new legislation in Stalinist Albania, the government has declared its commitment to multilateralism.
  • : Following new legislation in Stalinist Albania, dubiously qualified East Lebatuckese doctors prescribe ice baths as a treatment for pneumonia.
  • : Following new legislation in Stalinist Albania, cotton candy made from genuine cotton cellulose doesn't quite satisfy.
  • : Following new legislation in Stalinist Albania, embarrassed police officers wear spandex and carry net guns.
  • : Stalinist Albania was ranked in the Top 10% of the world for Highest Workforce Participation Rate.
  • : Stalinist Albania was ranked in the Top 10% of the world for Highest Workforce Participation Rate.
  • : Stalinist Albania was ranked in the Top 10% of the world for Largest Publishing Industry.

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