by Max Barry

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The People's Republic of Stalinist Albania

“Punetoret e te gjithe vendeve bashkohuni!”

Category: Inoffensive Centrist Democracy
Civil Rights:
Very Good
Economy:
Strong
Political Freedoms:
Average

Regional Influence: Truckler

Location: International Socialism

OverviewPoliciesPeopleGovernmentEconomyRankTrendCards

Stalinist Albania

Population12.575 billion

CapitalTirana
LeaderEnver Halil Hoxha

CurrencyLek
AnimalGolden eagle

The People's Republic of Stalinist Albania is a gargantuan, socially progressive nation, ruled by Enver Halil Hoxha with an even hand, and remarkable for its complete lack of prisons, avant-garde cinema, and absence of drug laws. The hard-working population of 12.575 billion Albanians have some civil rights, but not too many, enjoy the freedom to spend their money however they like, to a point, and take part in free and open elections, although not too often.

The tiny government juggles the competing demands of Law & Order, Environment, and Education. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Tirana. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 7.1%.

The strong Albanian economy, worth 392 trillion Leks a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is a slick, highly efficient, highly specialized black market in Tourism, Book Publishing, and Information Technology. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is 31,246 Leks, but there is a significant disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 101,146 per year while the poor average 7,289, a ratio of 13.9 to 1.

Dubiously qualified East Lebatuckese doctors prescribe ice baths as a treatment for pneumonia, the government has declared its commitment to multilateralism, police officers that upset their bosses get assigned to 24 hour stakeouts of bike sheds, and fashion models are guaranteed to be 100% genuinely as anorexic as they appear on magazine covers. Crime, especially youth-related, is pervasive, perhaps because of the country's complete lack of prisons. Stalinist Albania's national animal is the Golden eagle, which soars majestically through the nation's famously clear skies.

Stalinist Albania is ranked 163,560th in the world and 27th in International Socialism for Most Pro-Market, scoring -43.89 on the Rand Index.

Top
5%
Highest Crime Rates: 2,864thMost Cheerful Citizens: 5,467thTop
10%
Highest Workforce Participation Rate: 12,087thMost Rebellious Youth: 12,151stMost Secular: 14,311thLargest Publishing Industry: 17,537thLargest Populations: 19,051stNicest Citizens: 20,513thHighest Unexpected Death Rate: 20,560th
Top
5%
Greatest Rich-Poor Divides: 1st in the regionHighest Crime Rates: 1st in the regionMost Armed: 2nd in the regionMost Rebellious Youth: 2nd in the regionLowest Overall Tax Burden: 2nd in the regionMost Avoided: 2nd in the regionHighest Unexpected Death Rate: 2nd in the regionTop
10%
Largest Publishing Industry: 3rd in the regionMost Average: 4th in the regionRudest Citizens: 5th in the regionHighest Disposable Incomes: 5th in the regionMost Cheerful Citizens: 5th in the regionHighest Drug Use: 5th in the region

National Happenings

Most Recent Government Activity:

  • : Stalinist Albania was ranked in the Top 5% of the world for Highest Workforce Participation Rate.
  • : Stalinist Albania was ranked in the Top 5% of the world for Most Rebellious Youth.
  • : Stalinist Albania was ranked in the Top 10% of the world for Most Average.
  • : Stalinist Albania was ranked in the Top 10% of the world for Most Armed.
  • : Stalinist Albania was ranked in the Top 10% of the world for Best Weather.
  • : Stalinist Albania was ranked in the Top 10% of the world for Largest Populations and Largest Black Market.
  • : Stalinist Albania was ranked in the Top 10% of the world for Nicest Citizens.
  • : Stalinist Albania was ranked in the Top 10% of the world for Nicest Citizens.
  • : Stalinist Albania was ranked in the Top 10% of the world for Most Average and Most Armed.
  • : Stalinist Albania was ranked in the Top 10% of the world for Most Armed.

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