The Republic of Svallen is a colossal, efficient nation, ruled by President of the Republic Orvar Sjöholm with an even hand, and notable for its smutty television, otherworldly petting zoo, and ubiquitous missile silos. The hard-nosed, hard-working, democratic, humorless population of 8.606 billion Svallenneses are either ruled by a sleek, efficient government or a conglomerate of multinational corporations; it's difficult to tell which.

The relatively small, corrupt, pro-business government prioritizes Defense, although Industry, Education, and Administration are also considered important, while Environment and Welfare receive no funds. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Söderlund. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 78.0%.

The frighteningly efficient svallenese economy, worth a remarkable 4,833 trillion Svärs a year, is broadly diversified and mostly comprised of black market activity, especially in Arms Manufacturing, Retail, Information Technology, and Soda Sales. Average income is a breathtaking 561,665 Svärs, but there is an enormous disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 3,206,095 per year while the poor average 47,690, a ratio of 67.2 to 1.

The wheel has been patented by at least a hundred people, the svallenese war navy contains an oddly large number of luxury yachts and cruise liners, schoolchildren on field trips are asked what torture means to them, and private pharmacies close down as medicinal drugs are given away freely by the government. Crime is totally unknown. Svallen's national animal is the swallows, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to toxic air pollution, and its national religion is Secularism.

Svallen is ranked 267,895^th in the world and 14^th in Calme Ybovien for Most Conservative, scoring 33.08 on the Bush-Santorum Dawning Terror Index.