by Max Barry

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The Protected Socialist Utopias of Szotland

“We will crush the market!” The S-Man

Category: Psychotic Dictatorship
Civil Rights:
Outlawed
Economy:
Weak
Political Freedoms:
Unheard Of

Regional Influence: Nipper

Location: Osiris

OverviewPoliciesPeopleGovernmentEconomyRankTrendCards

Szotland

Population11.911 billion

CapitalLeftytown
LeaderThe S-Man
Faiththe Supervised Church of Szotland

Currencytoken
AnimalDonkey

The Protected Socialist Utopias of Szotland is a gargantuan, environmentally stunning nation, ruled by The S-Man with an iron fist, and notable for its strictly enforced bedtime, avant-garde cinema, and compulsory vegetarianism. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless, devout population of 11.911 billion Szotlandians are ruled without fear or favor by a psychotic dictator, who outlaws just about everything and refers to the populace as "my little playthings."

It is difficult to tell where the omnipresent, corrupt, moralistic, socially-minded, well-organized government stops and the rest of society begins, but it juggles the competing demands of Defense, Law & Order, and Environment. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Leftytown. The income tax rate is 100%.

The enormous but sluggish Szotlandian economy, worth a remarkable 1,351 trillion tokens a year, is driven almost entirely by government activity, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is a large, well-organized, extremely specialized black market in Basket Weaving and Furniture Restoration. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is an impressive 113,463 tokens, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 4.3 times as much as the poorest.

Onions have been banned due to their tendency to cause eye irritation, Maxtopian villagers starve by the time Szotlandian officials even file the appropriate paperwork needed to help them, vaccinations are mandatory, and Harry Potter books are banned. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to the all-pervasive police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Szotland's national animal is the Donkey, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is the Supervised Church of Szotland.

Szotland is ranked 219,430th in the world and 7,856th in Osiris for Nudest, with 0.25 Cheeks Per Square Mile.

Top
1%
Lowest Crime Rates: 91stBest Weather: 102ndMost Primitive: 125thMost Devout: 144thHighest Average Tax Rates: 168thMost Beautiful Environments: 173rdMost Popular Tourist Destinations: 190thLargest Governments: 229thMost Corrupt Governments: 246thHealthiest Citizens: 324thMost Conservative: 779thMost Eco-Friendly Governments: 1,496thHighest Foreign Aid Spending: 1,541stMost Politically Apathetic Citizens: 1,603rdMost Advanced Law Enforcement: 1,950thTop
5%
Most Advanced Defense Forces: 2,817thMost Extensive Public Healthcare: 3,098thLargest Black Market: 4,081stMost Authoritarian: 4,799thLargest Welfare Programs: 4,829thMost Advanced Public Transport: 6,003rdMost Advanced Public Education: 7,287thSmartest Citizens: 8,090thTop
10%
Highest Economic Output: 12,259thMost Extreme: 18,767thLargest Populations: 21,569th
Top
1%
Lowest Crime Rates: 2nd in the regionMost Primitive: 3rd in the regionBest Weather: 3rd in the regionMost Popular Tourist Destinations: 4th in the regionMost Beautiful Environments: 4th in the regionHighest Average Tax Rates: 4th in the regionMost Corrupt Governments: 5th in the regionLargest Governments: 5th in the regionMost Devout: 7th in the regionHealthiest Citizens: 7th in the regionMost Conservative: 24th in the regionMost Eco-Friendly Governments: 55th in the regionMost Politically Apathetic Citizens: 74th in the regionTop
5%
Most Advanced Law Enforcement: 101st in the regionHighest Foreign Aid Spending: 103rd in the regionMost Authoritarian: 148th in the regionMost Extensive Public Healthcare: 150th in the regionMost Advanced Defense Forces: 162nd in the regionLargest Black Market: 202nd in the regionMost Extreme: 213th in the regionLargest Welfare Programs: 255th in the regionMost Advanced Public Education: 354th in the regionSmartest Citizens: 385th in the regionTop
10%
Most Advanced Public Transport: 443rd in the regionHighest Economic Output: 546th in the regionLargest Populations: 755th in the region

National Happenings

Most Recent Government Activity:

  • : Following new legislation in Szotland, Harry Potter books are banned.
  • : Following new legislation in Szotland, vaccinations are mandatory.
  • : Following new legislation in Szotland, Maxtopian villagers starve by the time Szotlandian officials even file the appropriate paperwork needed to help them.
  • : Following new legislation in Szotland, onions have been banned due to their tendency to cause eye irritation.
  • : Following new legislation in Szotland, state officials tend to disappear after they forget to salute The S-Man's portrait.
  • : Following new legislation in Szotland, the nation's war memorials are being torn down and replaced with peace gardens.
  • : Following new legislation in Szotland, tourists from around the world come to visit the country's famous rainforests.
  • : Following new legislation in Szotland, squeaky high prepubescent voices recite the patriotic poem "Hail to The Leader!" before each meal.
  • : Following new legislation in Szotland, families returning from international vacations are unable to get their children back into the country.
  • : Following new legislation in Szotland, government bureaucrats shut down teenage yard-raking businesses for being counter-revolutionary.

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