by Max Barry

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The Dictatorship of Tessau

“Government Knows Best!” Tsar Clouseau

Category: Psychotic Dictatorship
Civil Rights:
Political Freedoms:
Unheard Of

Regional Influence: Shoeshiner

Location: The North Pacific



Population10.483 billion

LeaderTsar Clouseau
FaithPink Panther-ism


The Dictatorship of Tessau is a gargantuan, environmentally stunning nation, ruled by Tsar Clouseau with an iron fist, and remarkable for its anti-smoking policies, ubiquitous missile silos, and devotion to social welfare. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless population of 10.483 billion Pencil-Pushers are ruled without fear or favor by a psychotic dictator, who outlaws just about everything and refers to the populace as "my little playthings."

The government — a sprawling, bureaucracy-choked, corrupt, moralistic, socially-minded, well-organized morass — juggles the competing demands of Law & Order, Defense, and Administration. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Dresden. The average income tax rate is 93.7%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The large but underdeveloped Tessauan economy, worth 484 trillion Silvers a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. The industrial sector, which is highly specialized, is led by the Tourism industry, with major contributions from Arms Manufacturing and Information Technology. Average income is 46,182 Silvers, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.4 times as much as the poorest.

The men in trenchcoats hanging around playgrounds are actually police officers, courses in how to boil water are popular for formerly microwave-reliant Pencil-Pushers, healthcare workers are flummoxed over the spike in foreign tourists with sudden-onset heart disease, and Brancaland has gifted over nine thousand putrid moose carcasses to Tessau as a reminder of their "special relationship". Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to the all-pervasive police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Tessau's national animal is the Ghost, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Pink Panther-ism.

Tessau is ranked 10,641st in the world and 591st in The North Pacific for Healthiest Citizens, with 12.67 Bananas Ingested Per Day.

Most World Assembly Endorsements: 885thMost Influential: 1,294thTop
Most Advanced Law Enforcement: 3,030thHighest Foreign Aid Spending: 4,740thLowest Crime Rates: 4,781stHighest Average Tax Rates: 5,382ndMost Corrupt Governments: 5,606thTop
Most Beautiful Environments: 8,251stMost Authoritarian: 8,597thMost Stationary: 8,939thBest Weather: 9,377thMost Popular Tourist Destinations: 9,395thMost Advanced Defense Forces: 9,827thLargest Governments: 10,519thHealthiest Citizens: 10,641st
Most Advanced Law Enforcement: 98th in the regionHighest Foreign Aid Spending: 177th in the regionMost Corrupt Governments: 213th in the regionMost Stationary: 222nd in the regionLowest Crime Rates: 235th in the regionHighest Average Tax Rates: 263rd in the regionLargest Populations: 353rd in the regionTop
Most Advanced Defense Forces: 378th in the regionMost Beautiful Environments: 456th in the regionMost Authoritarian: 490th in the regionMost Popular Tourist Destinations: 527th in the regionMost Influential: 530th in the regionBest Weather: 531st in the regionLargest Governments: 539th in the regionHealthiest Citizens: 591st in the regionMost World Assembly Endorsements: 623rd in the region

National Happenings

Most Recent Government Activity:


World Assembly

Endorsements Received: 163 » Notyoutopia, Ceretis, Novare Res, Selfgradatude, Guslantis, Sunto, Frances Francis the First of France, Corfad, Yaorozu, Xentherida, Unimaginable Doom, Sil Dorsett, Shadowrik, Great Bights Mum, Avalon, Holy Oranz, Calamazo, Gorinchem and Hoog-Hoornaar, American MapleStory, Democratic Peoples Republic of the US, Wineclaw, Siwale, Malta Comino Gozo, Pallaith, Kwaj, General COE, Shin-Hachioji, Diodone, Yukti, Kelvaros Prime, Buckerino, The Iron Lions, Cloydicia, Moubarakistan, Universal State Formula, Amerian States, PlanetPunk, Tredano, Territorio di Nessuno, Wodan, Ainsworth, Maott, Eglise Sainte Eve, Puczovska, Atain, Municipality of Baria and Vungtau, Ozstan, Q w e r t y, Voznesheim, Shibutani, and 113 others.Lower Nubia, Californian Redwood, Northern Glory, Former English Colony, Koda-Land, Highton Islands, The Gamer Party, Whereisthatistan, Sacrento, Zeternia, Sundred, United Draconia, Empy, Ethnon, The United States of Romania, Suicidistan, El Fiji Grande, Dar es Saalam, Amestris-Britannia, Wilkshire, Yubadai, Pasargad, The Rhein States, Ostrolia, The Most Freedom Ever, New Eleria, New Bremerton, New Pruessen, Spartoptia, SORT, Sinelona, Valhalla123, North Bratislava, Vincone Cae, Kasazzastan, Omnistria, Unsophisticate, Napnomadia, Sheldanada, Bearical, Hong Kong Empire, Black Templares, Lunallian, Dreadton, The Pantheons, Ninjak30, Outer Egorniand, Federation Terra Australis, Eri-Maqa-Ena, The Windmilluminati, Amauri, Guer Aike, Alunya, Steraz, The Sinclarian Provinces, Niradans, Votak Matim, Egalico, Tappan Hills, Solmetria, Renzic, Joodey, Ara Antrizuls, Torakuen, Ibiscaton, Saturns Edge, Steampunk Ariel, Zemnaya Svoboda, Jasminlandia, Plangainer, Trillius, Tsardom of Leonlandia, Ejhsa, Liberum Mundi, Victoriaans Nederlands, Apetopia, 1 very fast endotarter, Lomjia, Ikea Rike, Free Azzaca, Aratani, Destructive Government Endorsing System, Noahs Second Country, Loutsland, Test for a new hope, Castle Federation, Alpinea, The Black Cathedral, GRANDE IMPERIO ORIENTAL PAGAO EUDUARDO, Elder Realms, Justanistan, Haor Chall, Constantinolia, Loli County, Astrind, Kobagia, Zumlandia, Xzavia-Hjar, Samog, Glurponia, Aerilia, Penrith, Runeda, Utopicican, Alsace and Lorraine United, Orado, Nation of stars, Princely Irbis, Daiz, Seenvorland, Concordare, The Tampa Bay Rays, and Sockmanland.

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