by Max Barry

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The Dictatorship of Tessau

“Government Knows Best!” Tsar Clouseau

Category: Psychotic Dictatorship
Civil Rights:
Rare
Economy:
Developing
Political Freedoms:
Unheard Of

Regional Influence: Shoeshiner

Location: The North Pacific

OverviewFactbookPoliciesPeopleGovernmentEconomyRankTrendCards

Tessau

Population12.563 billion

CapitalDresden
LeaderTsar Clouseau
FaithPink Panther-ism

CurrencySilver
AnimalGhost

The Dictatorship of Tessau is a gargantuan, orderly nation, ruled by Tsar Clouseau with an iron fist, and remarkable for its museums and concert halls, keen interest in outer space, and prohibition of alcohol. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless population of 12.563 billion Pencil-Pushers are ruled without fear or favor by a psychotic dictator, who outlaws just about everything and refers to the populace as "my little playthings."

The government — a sprawling, bureaucracy-choked, corrupt, moralistic, socially-minded, well-organized morass — juggles the competing demands of Law & Order, Defense, and Healthcare. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Dresden. The average income tax rate is 94.4%.

The large but underdeveloped Tessauan economy, worth 568 trillion Silvers a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is a slick, highly efficient, highly specialized black market in Tourism, Arms Manufacturing, and Information Technology. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is 45,238 Silvers, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.4 times as much as the poorest.

The men in trenchcoats hanging around playgrounds are actually police officers, courses in how to boil water are popular for formerly microwave-reliant Pencil-Pushers, healthcare workers are flummoxed over the spike in foreign tourists with sudden-onset heart disease, and Brancaland has gifted over nine thousand putrid moose carcasses to Tessau as a reminder of their "special relationship". Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to the all-pervasive police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Tessau's national animal is the Ghost, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Pink Panther-ism.

Tessau is ranked 19,624th in the world and 1,070th in The North Pacific for Safest, scoring 113.1 on the Bubble-Rapp Safety Rating.

Top
1%
Most World Assembly Endorsements: 986thMost Influential: 1,323rdTop
5%
Most Advanced Law Enforcement: 4,392ndLowest Crime Rates: 4,786thHighest Average Tax Rates: 5,193rdHighest Foreign Aid Spending: 5,344thMost Corrupt Governments: 6,861stMost Beautiful Environments: 7,600thMost Stationary: 7,840thBest Weather: 8,765thMost Popular Tourist Destinations: 8,784thLargest Governments: 10,432ndTop
10%
Healthiest Citizens: 10,757thMost Advanced Defense Forces: 11,009thMost Authoritarian: 11,918thLongest Average Lifespans: 15,377thLargest Black Market: 17,323rdLargest Populations: 18,950thSafest: 19,624th
Top
5%
Most Stationary: 176th in the regionMost Advanced Law Enforcement: 178th in the regionHighest Foreign Aid Spending: 197th in the regionLowest Crime Rates: 231st in the regionHighest Average Tax Rates: 240th in the regionMost Corrupt Governments: 303rd in the regionLargest Populations: 348th in the regionMost Advanced Defense Forces: 396th in the regionMost Beautiful Environments: 404th in the regionBest Weather: 473rd in the regionMost Popular Tourist Destinations: 477th in the regionLargest Governments: 504th in the regionTop
10%
Most Influential: 545th in the regionHealthiest Citizens: 576th in the regionLargest Black Market: 587th in the regionMost World Assembly Endorsements: 646th in the regionMost Authoritarian: 728th in the regionLongest Average Lifespans: 822nd in the regionHighest Economic Output: 911th in the regionMost Cultured: 1,012th in the region

National Happenings

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World Assembly

Endorsements Received: 191 » Notyoutopia, Selfgradatude, Sunto, Frances Francis the First of France, Corfad, Yaorozu, Xentherida, Unimaginable Doom, Shadowrik, Holy Oranz, Calamazo, Wineclaw, Siwale, Malta Comino Gozo, Pallaith, Kwaj, Diodone, Yukti, Kelvaros Prime, Buckerino, The Iron Lions, Cloydicia, Moubarakistan, Universal State Formula, PlanetPunk, Territorio di Nessuno, Maott, Eglise Sainte Eve, Puczovska, Atain, Shibutani, Former English Colony, Koda-Land, Highton Islands, The Gamer Party, Whereisthatistan, Zeternia, United Draconia, Empy, Ethnon, El Fiji Grande, Dar es Saalam, Amestris-Britannia, Wilkshire, Pasargad, The Rhein States, The Most Freedom Ever, New Pruessen, SORT, Valhalla123, and 141 others.North Bratislava, Vincone Cae, Omnistria, Unsophisticate, Napnomadia, Bearical, Dreadton, Ninjak30, The Windmilluminati, Amauri, Guer Aike, The Sinclarian Provinces, Niradans, Votak Matim, Egalico, Solmetria, Joodey, Steampunk Ariel, Plangainer, Trillius, Destructive Government Endorsing System, Noahs Second Country, Loutsland, Alpinea, Haor Chall, Astrind, Kobagia, Glurponia, Runeda, Orado, Daiz, Seenvorland, The Tampa Bay Rays, New Octicarg, McMasterdonia, The Stratosphere Islands, Kasazzastan, Eri-Maqa-Ena, Sundred, Sil Dorsett, Great Bights Mum, Zumlandia, Nakayo, Wisconsota, Gnomewatchers, 1 very fast endotarter, Eteles, United Kahndaq, Kranostav, PotatoFarmers, Pazair, Newpromisedland, Clan Spaniel, Dabarastan, Viridiann, Zyvetskistaahn, Interdimensional Zone, Ravendi, Castle Federation, Palgo, Valentine Z, Praeceps, Volstokn, Cobleck Weleis, Abject Ludicrosity, Tachycardia, Fendlium, Lungha, Hamerica, Loli County, Merconitonitopia, Valatic Ash, Xagill, The New Communist Republic Of States, MiaryBhalzhack, Yokciq Empire, The Endless Eventide, New Jamgra, Lendara, Serendipita Martia, SherpDaWerp in TNP, Ihese, Crader, Prevaland, The World Capitalist Confederation, Nistriabar, Antiyard, Varola, Supreme Leader Hadrian, Unshleepd, Woodsend, New Lakemba, The Pantheons, Korovan Isles, Californian Redwood, Westinor, Astronomical, Fauzjhia, The Serdey Islands, Greater Pittsburgh, Mesopotama, PortvgaI, Frostcell, Sikol, Saperisole, Zzozona, Iztocna Slavija, Hoglands, Plutayah, Confederacy of Antarctica, Termathe, Veast, Prydania, I Like Killing people, The Calabash Protectorate, Shinjuku tokyo 0, Kocherian, Seanat, Libertania Democratica, Brucklania, Arichia, Schnuftelland, Damsmel, Borsukia, The New Cordian Empire, Madjack, Ihsan, Xipher, The Federal Republic of Scouseland, Kenaniahistan, Kragsgale, Amerian States, Astal Aavors, Innocentic, Illusia and Neverendia, Simone Republic, Principia Mathematica, Ultra777, Andexia, Buckhem, and U S Eh.

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