by Max Barry

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Spotlight on:

National Flag

The Kingdom of The Cold Northern North

“Weed, Donut, Snow !”

Category: Psychotic Dictatorship
Civil Rights:
Political Freedoms:

Regional Influence: Shoeshiner

Location: The North Pacific


The Cold Northern North

Population616 million


CurrencyNorthern Dollar
AnimalGolden Goat

The Kingdom of The Cold Northern North is a huge, cultured nation, notable for its museums and concert halls, state-planned economy, and restrictive gun laws. The hard-nosed, cynical population of 616 million Frozen Fockazzes are ruled without fear or favor by a psychotic dictator, who outlaws just about everything and refers to the populace as "my little playthings."

The enormous, corrupt, socially-minded, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Education, Defense, and Administration. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of WinterHell. The average income tax rate is 88.9%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The all-consuming Cold Northern Northian economy, worth 73.5 trillion Northern Dollars a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. The industrial sector, which is quite specialized, is led by the Information Technology industry, with major contributions from Arms Manufacturing, Trout Farming, and Beef-Based Agriculture. Average income is an impressive 119,308 Northern Dollars, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.7 times as much as the poorest.

Bike rage is all the rage, families waiting for delayed pipe installations hope daily for rain, drunk drivers are sentenced to death, and government police forces protect public schools from the threat of protest. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a very well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. The Cold Northern North's national animal is the Golden Goat, which is also the nation's favorite main course.

The Cold Northern North is ranked 8,323rd in the world and 436th in The North Pacific for Lowest Crime Rates, with 98.64 Law-abiding Acts Per Hour.

Most World Assembly Endorsements: 1,115thTop
Most Influential: 3,021stNudest: 3,092ndLargest Agricultural Sector: 3,450thLargest Trout Fishing Sector: 6,453rdHighest Foreign Aid Spending: 7,445thMost Authoritarian: 8,122ndLowest Crime Rates: 8,323rdMost Secular: 9,477thLargest Welfare Programs: 9,976thHighest Average Tax Rates: 10,124thMost Advanced Law Enforcement: 10,799thTop
Largest Governments: 12,366thLongest Average Lifespans: 13,472ndMost Advanced Defense Forces: 13,942ndMost Politically Apathetic Citizens: 14,124thHealthiest Citizens: 14,497thMost Popular Tourist Destinations: 14,587thMost Eco-Friendly Governments: 15,704thMost Advanced Public Education: 15,752ndMost Beautiful Environments: 15,852ndMost Extensive Public Healthcare: 16,451stMost Advanced Public Transport: 16,620thSafest: 17,940thSmartest Citizens: 18,321stMost Scientifically Advanced: 18,368thBest Weather: 18,916thLargest Arms Manufacturing Sector: 19,167thMost Developed: 19,673rdMost Corrupt Governments: 19,942ndLargest Information Technology Sector: 22,254thMost Subsidized Industry: 22,841stHighest Poor Incomes: 22,979thMost Inclusive: 23,763rdHighest Average Incomes: 23,807th
Nudest: 90th in the regionTop
Largest Agricultural Sector: 152nd in the regionHighest Foreign Aid Spending: 313th in the regionMost Authoritarian: 337th in the regionLargest Trout Fishing Sector: 379th in the regionLowest Crime Rates: 436th in the regionTop
Most Secular: 487th in the regionMost Advanced Law Enforcement: 503rd in the regionHighest Average Tax Rates: 510th in the regionLargest Welfare Programs: 512th in the regionMost Advanced Defense Forces: 546th in the regionMost Politically Apathetic Citizens: 605th in the regionLargest Governments: 617th in the regionMost Extreme: 658th in the regionMost World Assembly Endorsements: 745th in the regionMost Advanced Public Transport: 773rd in the regionLongest Average Lifespans: 797th in the regionMost Popular Tourist Destinations: 808th in the regionLargest Arms Manufacturing Sector: 819th in the regionHealthiest Citizens: 824th in the regionMost Eco-Friendly Governments: 837th in the regionMost Advanced Public Education: 850th in the regionMost Beautiful Environments: 862nd in the regionMost Corrupt Governments: 884th in the regionMost Extensive Public Healthcare: 929th in the regionMost Influential: 931st in the regionSmartest Citizens: 953rd in the region

National Happenings

Most Recent Government Activity:


World Assembly

Endorsements Received: 188 » Aerilia, Lulubellia, Votak Matim, Yaorozu, Hamerica, Shibutani, 1 very fast endotarter, Orado, Bharathvarsh, Sachi, Former English Colony, Cretox State, Holy Empire of Greater Bavaria, Kranostav, Guer Aike, Koda-Land, Ellbonnia, Kazoo Basin, The Tampa Bay Rays, Shadowrik, Svenskskit, Yokciq Empire, Muqatil, Pallaith, The Teddy, The Rhein States, The Democratic Kingdom Of Skaraborg, Illusia and Neverendia, Ethnon, Great Bights Mum, Bankowiata, Moubarakistan, Loutsland, Republica Guilleana, Interdimensional Zone, Runeda, Star Kingdom, Empy, Dreadton, Corfad, Notyoutopia, Zzozona, Pytong, WeKnow, The AnCap Pirate Utopia, Xentherida, Freyford, His Enduring Majesty, Dar es Saalam, McMasterdonia, and 138 others.Chips and Guac, Alorca, New Lakemba, Omnistria, Barabolia, Wilkshire, Selfgradatude, Sundred, Arthyia, Zemnaya Svoboda, El Fiji Grande, Ravendi, Hardscrabble, Slyakanya, Territorio di Nessuno, Pasargad, Siwale, Eri-Maqa-Ena, Kragsgale, Kingdom of KHATTAB, Otakus and Weebs, East Akra, The Pantheons, Vesteysia, Frances Francis the First of France, Solcius, Climeria, Madjack, Strongwill, Valgarda, Sikol, Valentine Z, Seijitsu, Sil Dorsett, Clan Spaniel, Odelinor, Port Naga, Nodnarb, Imperial Pieserged, Francois Isidore, Travislavania, Dacian Freelands, Wisconsota, Svenskan, Blyskalia, Minich, Maott, Heilhum Imperius, North Bratislava, Wineclaw, Sanjurika, Figyjharli, Wapistan, Trumpski, Nordic-British Union, Dangine, Kromi, Sunto, Siforpeo, Lol2639, Shotokonia, Servilis, Simone Republic, Xagill, Yellops, Tyirza, Holy Oranz, Xyrron, Super Girl, San Felipe, Libertania Democratica, Aryan Homeland, TyGerria, BTProductions, Draconian Progression, The Jerichowan Country, Mon Island, Steampunk Ariel, New Celoveniortan, Viridiann, Hepek, Seenvorland, Cajland, ForestMythal, Defense For The World Assembly, Korean-Joseon, Darkmondoria, Centrialand, Planes, Seanat, Britle, Tsandonown, Ootasa, Atlunartemis, Libvillia, Card Kingdom, Ariele, Greater Ale Permars, Folenz, Intion North, Fraystonia, Merconitonitopia, Boston Castle, Nova Arcania, Kastonvia, Capablanca, Solimun, Landfinia, The Mazur Empire, Joodey, Andanavia, Nikhilesh23, Sopernia, Kinitopia, Logovets, Bearical, Drueste, Fizban, Venicea, Unshleepd, Andanx, Lionia, Nation1812, Sahriastan, Outer Shenendoah, Galbadiana, The Calabash Protectorate, PotatoFarmers, Toilet Man, Aruvicion, Lemsrow, The Blazeland Administration, Malta Comino Gozo, Tibus Heth, Miamington, ROM, Nuestra Vida, and Capitista.

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