The People's Republic of The Crooked Beat is a gargantuan, socially progressive nation, ruled by Star Child with a fair hand, and remarkable for its absence of drug laws, punitive income tax rates, and devotion to social welfare. The compassionate, democratic, cheerful population of 42.43 billion Crooked Beatians are free to do what they want with their own bodies, and vote for whomever they like in elections; if they go into business, however, they are regulated to within an inch of their lives.

The government — a sprawling, bureaucracy-choked, liberal, socially-minded morass — prioritizes Education, with Welfare, Social Policy, and Environment also on the agenda, while Spirituality and Law & Order aren't funded at all. The income tax rate is 100%.

The frighteningly efficient Crooked Beatian economy, worth an astonishing 11,574 trillion Pyramids a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. The industrial sector, which is highly specialized, is mostly made up of the Tourism industry, with significant contributions from Book Publishing, Automobile Manufacturing, and Gambling. Average income is an amazing 272,793 Pyramids, and distributed extremely evenly, with practically no difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Flight attendants rip down curtains with revolutionary fervor, things are looking up for patients accidentally prescribed erectile dysfunction medication, the nation has welcomed its expats back with open arms, and scientists earn more grant money for reproducing old experiments than trying anything new. Crime is totally unknown. The Crooked Beat's national animal is the Unfunky UFO, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests.

The Crooked Beat is ranked 311,732^nd in the world and 10^th in A Modern World for Most Primitive, scoring -551.93 on the Scary Big Number Scale.