by Max Barry

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National Flag

The Republic of The Empire of Handland

“Work, Family, Fatherland”

Category: Inoffensive Centrist Democracy
Civil Rights:
Some
Economy:
Frightening
Political Freedoms:
Few

Regional Influence: Minnow

Location: The Confederacy of Free Nations

OverviewFactbookPoliciesPeopleGovernmentEconomyRankTrendCards

The Empire of Handland

Population9.775 billion

CapitalDubh Linn
LeaderHakon Pettifer
FaithPresbyterianism

CurrencyHanc
AnimalBuffalo

The Republic of The Empire of Handland is a colossal, efficient nation, ruled by Hakon Pettifer with an even hand, and notable for its otherworldly petting zoo, pith helmet sales, and strictly enforced bedtime. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless, devout population of 9.775 billion Handlandians have some civil rights, but not too many, enjoy the freedom to spend their money however they like, to a point, and take part in free and open elections, although not too often.

The large, corrupt government is primarily concerned with Defense, with Education, Healthcare, and Industry also on the agenda, while International Aid and Spirituality are ignored. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Dubh Linn. The average income tax rate is 96.4%.

The frighteningly efficient Empire of Handlandian economy, worth a remarkable 2,048 trillion Hancs a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is a large, well-organized, quite specialized black market in Arms Manufacturing, Uranium Mining, Gambling, and Beef-Based Agriculture. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is an amazing 209,563 Hancs, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Many friends and relatives of Hakon Pettifer have been given ambassador jobs in tropical island nations, immigrants who don't like the taste of Empire of Handlandian Turnip Chips are immediately deported, education is transforming people into first-rate snobs, and police nightsticks see use all day long. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown. The Empire of Handland's national animal is the Buffalo, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is Presbyterianism.

The Empire of Handland is ranked 78,755th in the world and 32nd in The Confederacy of Free Nations for Largest Retail Industry, scoring 1,129.03 on the Shrinkwrap Consignment Productivity Index.

Top
1%
Most Advanced Defense Forces: 720thLargest Arms Manufacturing Sector: 849thLargest Mining Sector: 1,391stMost Advanced Public Transport: 1,399thTop
5%
Largest Manufacturing Sector: 1,584thLargest Black Market: 1,792ndHighest Poor Incomes: 2,122ndMost Extensive Public Healthcare: 2,160thLargest Welfare Programs: 2,870thMost Corrupt Governments: 2,958thLargest Governments: 3,166thHighest Unexpected Death Rate: 3,270thHighest Average Tax Rates: 3,320thLargest Gambling Industry: 3,482ndLargest Agricultural Sector: 4,021stLowest Crime Rates: 4,219thHighest Average Incomes: 4,970thMost Avoided: 5,229thMost Subsidized Industry: 5,308thHighest Economic Output: 5,884thMost Advanced Public Education: 6,639thTop
10%
Most Eco-Friendly Governments: 10,192ndMost Efficient Economies: 13,217thHealthiest Citizens: 14,772nd
Top
5%
Largest Mining Sector: 2nd in the regionMost Advanced Defense Forces: 2nd in the regionLargest Agricultural Sector: 2nd in the regionMost Corrupt Governments: 3rd in the regionHighest Unexpected Death Rate: 3rd in the regionLargest Gambling Industry: 3rd in the regionLargest Black Market: 3rd in the regionLargest Arms Manufacturing Sector: 3rd in the regionTop
10%
Most Advanced Public Transport: 4th in the regionLargest Manufacturing Sector: 4th in the regionMost Avoided: 5th in the regionMost Extensive Public Healthcare: 6th in the regionLargest Governments: 6th in the region

National Happenings

Most Recent Government Activity:

  • : Following new legislation in The Empire of Handland, police nightsticks see use all day long.
  • : Following new legislation in The Empire of Handland, education is transforming people into first-rate snobs.
  • : Following new legislation in The Empire of Handland, immigrants who don't like the taste of Empire of Handlandian Turnip Chips are immediately deported.
  • : Following new legislation in The Empire of Handland, many friends and relatives of Hakon Pettifer have been given ambassador jobs in tropical island nations.
  • : Following new legislation in The Empire of Handland, terrorists who are 17th cousins with the ex-wives of half-brothers of citizens are now exempt from the immigration ban.
  • : Following new legislation in The Empire of Handland, gay couples have to travel to Brancaland to find a church that will actually let them wed.
  • : The Empire of Handland's influence in The Confederacy of Free Nations rose from "Nipper" to "Minnow".
  • : Following new legislation in The Empire of Handland, paranoid museum guards keep a lookout for any animated displays attempting to escape the premises after dark.
  • : Following new legislation in The Empire of Handland, there's no cure or sympathy for the common cold.
  • : The Empire of Handland's influence in The Confederacy of Free Nations rose from "Newcomer" to "Nipper".

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