by Max Barry

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The Petrifying Procrastinations of The Free Joy State

“Obedience is Man's Greatest Strength”

Category: Iron Fist Consumerists
Civil Rights:
Outlawed
Economy:
Frightening
Political Freedoms:
Outlawed

Regional Influence: Page

Location: the Pacific

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Issues Editor

The Free Joy State

Population10.537 billion

CapitalGrand Central City
LeaderExalted Holiness
FaithThe True Church of the Exalted Holiness

CurrencySweeting
AnimalDove

The Petrifying Procrastinations of The Free Joy State is a gargantuan, orderly nation, ruled by Exalted Holiness with an iron fist, and remarkable for its enslaved workforce, compulsory military service, and aversion to nipples. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, humorless, devout population of 10.537 billion Free Joyers are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The medium-sized, corrupt, moralistic, well-organized government prioritizes Defense, although Spirituality, Industry, and Law & Order are also considered important, while Welfare and Social Policy receive no funds. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Grand Central City. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 63.0%.

The frighteningly efficient Free Joyish economy, worth a remarkable 2,510 trillion Sweetings a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is an enormous, deeply entrenched, broadly diversified black market in Arms Manufacturing, Woodchip Exports, Uranium Mining, and Door-to-door Insurance Sales. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is an amazing 238,210 Sweetings, but there is an enormous disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 1,345,966 per year while the poor average 20,700, a ratio of 65.0 to 1.

Soldiers go to war dressed in cassocks and robes, believers who wear their faith on their sleeves make easy targets in hostile areas, unwilling fathers wish they had looked for a late-night pharmacy, and no true communist is an unbeliever. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force. The Free Joy State's national animal is the Dove, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is The True Church of the Exalted Holiness.

The Free Joy State is ranked 235,725th in the world and 11,756th in the Pacific for Largest Information Technology Sector, scoring -14.39 on the Fann-Boi Productivity Index.

Top
1%
Most Ignorant Citizens: 233rdLargest Timber Woodchipping Industry: 286thMost Devout: 368thMost Primitive: 596thLargest Insurance Industry: 799thLargest Black Market: 912thLargest Mining Sector: 1,000thMost Valuable International Artwork: 1,262ndHighest Wealthy Incomes: 1,350thMost Corrupt Governments: 1,355thHighest Unexpected Death Rate: 1,417thMost Advanced Defense Forces: 1,459thFattest Citizens: 1,545thMost Avoided: 1,568thLargest Furniture Restoration Industry: 1,789thMost Politically Apathetic Citizens: 2,022ndTop
5%
Largest Arms Manufacturing Sector: 2,579thLargest Manufacturing Sector: 2,911thHighest Average Incomes: 3,921stHighest Economic Output: 5,200thMost Conservative: 6,216thLargest Agricultural Sector: 6,858thLargest Gambling Industry: 7,786thLargest Cheese Export Sector: 8,232ndMost Subsidized Industry: 8,341stHighest Disposable Incomes: 8,443rdTop
10%
Most Efficient Economies: 12,085thLowest Crime Rates: 13,516thLargest Governments: 13,656thGreatest Rich-Poor Divides: 14,114thMost Influential: 14,820thMost Authoritarian: 15,601stMost Advanced Law Enforcement: 17,853rdLargest Pizza Delivery Sector: 20,295thLargest Populations: 22,901st
Top
1%
Most Ignorant Citizens: 7th in the regionLargest Timber Woodchipping Industry: 10th in the regionMost Devout: 13th in the regionLargest Insurance Industry: 18th in the regionHighest Wealthy Incomes: 18th in the regionLargest Black Market: 18th in the regionLargest Mining Sector: 23rd in the regionMost Primitive: 24th in the regionHighest Unexpected Death Rate: 26th in the regionFattest Citizens: 27th in the regionMost Avoided: 30th in the regionMost Corrupt Governments: 31st in the regionMost Politically Apathetic Citizens: 41st in the regionMost Advanced Defense Forces: 41st in the regionMost Valuable International Artwork: 47th in the regionHighest Economic Output: 74th in the regionLargest Furniture Restoration Industry: 76th in the regionLargest Arms Manufacturing Sector: 82nd in the regionLargest Manufacturing Sector: 83rd in the regionHighest Average Incomes: 96th in the regionTop
5%
Largest Populations: 130th in the regionHighest Disposable Incomes: 189th in the regionLargest Agricultural Sector: 193rd in the regionMost Influential: 237th in the regionLargest Gambling Industry: 255th in the regionMost Subsidized Industry: 261st in the regionMost Efficient Economies: 314th in the regionLargest Cheese Export Sector: 321st in the regionLargest Governments: 328th in the regionGreatest Rich-Poor Divides: 329th in the regionLowest Crime Rates: 354th in the regionMost Conservative: 384th in the regionMost Advanced Law Enforcement: 505th in the regionTop
10%
Most Advanced Public Transport: 839th in the regionMost Authoritarian: 953rd in the regionMost Stationary: 1,066th in the regionMost World Assembly Endorsements: 1,082nd in the regionLargest Retail Industry: 1,167th in the regionLargest Pizza Delivery Sector: 1,169th in the region

National Happenings

Most Recent Government Activity:

  • : The Free Joy State was ranked in the Top 1% of the world for Largest Arms Manufacturing Sector.
  • : Following new legislation in The Free Joy State, no true communist is an unbeliever.
  • : Following new legislation in The Free Joy State, unwilling fathers wish they had looked for a late-night pharmacy.
  • : The Free Joy State was ranked in the Top 10% of the world for Largest Populations.
  • : The Free Joy State was ranked in the Top 5% of the world for Most Efficient Economies.
  • : The Free Joy State was ranked in the Top 1% of the world for Most Politically Apathetic Citizens.
  • : Following new legislation in The Free Joy State, believers who wear their faith on their sleeves make easy targets in hostile areas.
  • : Following new legislation in The Free Joy State, soldiers go to war dressed in cassocks and robes.
  • : Following new legislation in The Free Joy State, raindances intended to summon storms instead attract tourists.
  • : Following new legislation in The Free Joy State, it's best to say "yes" if the arbiter asks "what are you, a moron?".

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