by Max Barry

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The Petrifying Procrastinations of The Free Joy State

The Free Joy State was Condemned by Security Council Resolution # 333

“Obedience is Man's Greatest Strength”

Category: Iron Fist Consumerists
Civil Rights:
Outlawed
Economy:
Frightening
Political Freedoms:
Outlawed

Regional Influence: Page

Location: the Pacific

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Issues Editor

The Free Joy State

Population12.48 billion

CapitalGrand Central City
LeaderExalted Holiness
FaithThe True Church of the Exalted Holiness

CurrencySweeting
AnimalDove

The Petrifying Procrastinations of The Free Joy State is a gargantuan, orderly nation, ruled by Exalted Holiness with an iron fist, and notable for its rampant corporate plagiarism, enslaved workforce, and prohibition of alcohol. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, humorless, devout population of 12.48 billion Free Joyers are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The medium-sized, corrupt, moralistic, well-organized government prioritizes Defense, although Spirituality, Industry, and Law & Order are also considered important, while Welfare and Environment receive no funds. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Grand Central City. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 66.6%.

The frighteningly efficient Free Joyish economy, worth a remarkable 3,045 trillion Sweetings a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is an enormous, deeply entrenched, fairly diversified black market in Arms Manufacturing, Woodchip Exports, Uranium Mining, and Door-to-door Insurance Sales. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is an amazing 244,035 Sweetings, but there is a large disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 971,782 per year while the poor average 41,279, a ratio of 23.5 to 1.

There's no such thing as a safe bet, conflicted Free Joyish mamas cry 'cause - if there's one thing they don't need - it's another hungry mouth to feed, children get arrested for floating paper boats on lakes, and real chickens replace rooster weather vanes on inner-city rooftop gardens. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force. The Free Joy State's national animal is the Dove, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is The True Church of the Exalted Holiness.

The Free Joy State is ranked 2,417th in the world and 58th in the Pacific for Most Politically Apathetic Citizens, with 65.25 Whatever.

Top
1%
Most Ignorant Citizens: 241stLargest Timber Woodchipping Industry: 248thMost Devout: 365thMost Primitive: 401stLargest Insurance Industry: 731stLargest Black Market: 876thLargest Mining Sector: 884thMost Valuable International Artwork: 1,179thMost Corrupt Governments: 1,313thHighest Unexpected Death Rate: 1,323rdMost Advanced Defense Forces: 1,360thFattest Citizens: 1,372ndMost Avoided: 1,377thLargest Furniture Restoration Industry: 1,779thHighest Wealthy Incomes: 1,964thLargest Arms Manufacturing Sector: 2,211thMost Politically Apathetic Citizens: 2,417thLargest Manufacturing Sector: 2,420thTop
5%
Largest Agricultural Sector: 3,659thHighest Average Incomes: 3,748thHighest Economic Output: 4,699thMost Conservative: 4,730thLargest Cheese Export Sector: 7,306thHighest Disposable Incomes: 9,723rdMost Subsidized Industry: 9,812thTop
10%
Most Authoritarian: 12,519thMost Efficient Economies: 12,781stLowest Crime Rates: 12,837thMost Advanced Law Enforcement: 13,266thLargest Governments: 13,658thMost Influential: 14,055thLargest Pizza Delivery Sector: 19,811thLargest Populations: 22,998th
Top
1%
Largest Timber Woodchipping Industry: 10th in the regionMost Ignorant Citizens: 13th in the regionMost Primitive: 13th in the regionMost Devout: 17th in the regionLargest Insurance Industry: 21st in the regionLargest Black Market: 23rd in the regionLargest Mining Sector: 27th in the regionFattest Citizens: 28th in the regionHighest Unexpected Death Rate: 29th in the regionMost Avoided: 33rd in the regionMost Advanced Defense Forces: 40th in the regionMost Corrupt Governments: 41st in the regionMost Valuable International Artwork: 46th in the regionHighest Wealthy Incomes: 47th in the regionLargest Furniture Restoration Industry: 48th in the regionMost Politically Apathetic Citizens: 58th in the regionTop
5%
Largest Arms Manufacturing Sector: 61st in the regionLargest Manufacturing Sector: 62nd in the regionHighest Economic Output: 66th in the regionLargest Agricultural Sector: 93rd in the regionHighest Average Incomes: 96th in the regionLargest Populations: 118th in the regionLargest Cheese Export Sector: 181st in the regionHighest Disposable Incomes: 202nd in the regionMost Conservative: 204th in the regionMost Subsidized Industry: 214th in the regionMost Influential: 216th in the regionMost Advanced Law Enforcement: 261st in the regionTop
10%
Most Efficient Economies: 301st in the regionGreatest Rich-Poor Divides: 312th in the regionLowest Crime Rates: 348th in the regionLargest Governments: 353rd in the regionMost Authoritarian: 488th in the regionMost Stationary: 526th in the region

National Happenings

Most Recent Government Activity:

  • : The Free Joy State was ranked in the Top 1% of the world for Most Politically Apathetic Citizens.
  • : Following new legislation in The Free Joy State, real chickens replace rooster weather vanes on inner-city rooftop gardens.
  • : Following new legislation in The Free Joy State, children get arrested for floating paper boats on lakes.
  • : Following new legislation in The Free Joy State, conflicted Free Joyish mamas cry 'cause - if there's one thing they don't need - it's another hungry mouth to feed.
  • : The Free Joy State was ranked in the Top 1% of the world for Most Politically Apathetic Citizens.
  • : The Free Joy State was ranked in the Top 1% of the world for Largest Manufacturing Sector and the Top 5% for Most Authoritarian.
  • : Following new legislation in The Free Joy State, there's no such thing as a safe bet.
  • : Following new legislation in The Free Joy State, when shaking hands with foreign leaders Exalted Holiness wears an armoured gauntlet.
  • : Following new legislation in The Free Joy State, college students make ends meet by selling their kidneys.
  • : Following new legislation in The Free Joy State, the word 'elite' appears as a synonym for various insults in the Free Joyish Colonial Thesaurus.

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