by Max Barry

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The Petrifying Procrastinations of The Free Joy State

The Free Joy State was Condemned by Security Council Resolution # 333

“Obedience is Man's Greatest Strength”

Category: Iron Fist Consumerists
Civil Rights:
Outlawed
Economy:
Frightening
Political Freedoms:
Outlawed

Regional Influence: Page

Location: the Pacific

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Issues Editor

The Free Joy State

Population13.074 billion

CapitalGrand Central City
LeaderExalted Holiness
FaithThe True Church of the Exalted Holiness

CurrencySweeting
AnimalDove

The Petrifying Procrastinations of The Free Joy State is a gargantuan, efficient nation, ruled by Exalted Holiness with an iron fist, and notable for its anti-smoking policies, fear of technology, and strictly enforced bedtime. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, humorless, devout population of 13.074 billion Free Joyers are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The medium-sized, corrupt, moralistic, well-organized government prioritizes Defense, with Spirituality, Industry, and Law & Order also on the agenda, while Welfare and Environment receive no funds. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Grand Central City. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 66.1%.

The frighteningly efficient Free Joyish economy, worth a remarkable 3,219 trillion Sweetings a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is an enormous, deeply entrenched, broadly diversified black market in Arms Manufacturing, Woodchip Exports, Uranium Mining, and Door-to-door Insurance Sales. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is an amazing 246,269 Sweetings, but there is a large disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 1,108,212 per year while the poor average 33,761, a ratio of 32.8 to 1.

Many of the unemployed have had the fight taken out of them, citizens often glare angrily at jet contrails, a citizen who thinks a slave is a deadbeat is entitled to make the descriptor literally true, and maintaining economic growth is no laughing matter. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force. The Free Joy State's national animal is the Dove, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is The True Church of the Exalted Holiness.

The Free Joy State is ranked 1,247th in the world and 39th in the Pacific for Most Valuable International Artwork, with 680.32 Bank.

Top
1%
Most Ignorant Citizens: 231stLargest Timber Woodchipping Industry: 231stMost Devout: 353rdMost Primitive: 389thLargest Insurance Industry: 627thLargest Mining Sector: 898thLargest Black Market: 910thMost Valuable International Artwork: 1,247thHighest Unexpected Death Rate: 1,309thMost Corrupt Governments: 1,385thFattest Citizens: 1,398thMost Advanced Defense Forces: 1,427thHighest Wealthy Incomes: 1,575thLargest Furniture Restoration Industry: 1,667thMost Avoided: 1,745thTop
5%
Largest Arms Manufacturing Sector: 2,318thMost Politically Apathetic Citizens: 2,454thLargest Manufacturing Sector: 2,502ndLargest Agricultural Sector: 3,387thHighest Average Incomes: 3,704thLargest Cheese Export Sector: 4,075thMost Conservative: 4,347thHighest Economic Output: 4,501stMost Patriotic: 5,426thHighest Disposable Incomes: 8,836thMost Subsidized Industry: 9,573rdTop
10%
Most Authoritarian: 11,849thMost Efficient Economies: 12,879thMost Advanced Law Enforcement: 13,096thLowest Crime Rates: 13,190thLargest Governments: 13,340thMost Influential: 13,429thLargest Pizza Delivery Sector: 18,773rdGreatest Rich-Poor Divides: 20,804th
Top
1%
Largest Timber Woodchipping Industry: 10th in the regionMost Ignorant Citizens: 14th in the regionMost Primitive: 15th in the regionLargest Insurance Industry: 17th in the regionMost Devout: 18th in the regionLargest Black Market: 23rd in the regionLargest Mining Sector: 28th in the regionFattest Citizens: 30th in the regionHighest Unexpected Death Rate: 34th in the regionHighest Wealthy Incomes: 36th in the regionMost Valuable International Artwork: 39th in the regionMost Advanced Defense Forces: 40th in the regionMost Avoided: 40th in the regionMost Corrupt Governments: 41st in the regionLargest Furniture Restoration Industry: 44th in the regionTop
5%
Largest Manufacturing Sector: 61st in the regionHighest Economic Output: 61st in the regionMost Politically Apathetic Citizens: 61st in the regionLargest Arms Manufacturing Sector: 63rd in the regionLargest Agricultural Sector: 75th in the regionHighest Average Incomes: 89th in the regionLargest Cheese Export Sector: 94th in the regionLargest Populations: 109th in the regionMost Patriotic: 165th in the regionMost Conservative: 184th in the regionHighest Disposable Incomes: 205th in the regionMost Subsidized Industry: 212th in the regionMost Influential: 214th in the regionMost Advanced Law Enforcement: 258th in the regionGreatest Rich-Poor Divides: 261st in the regionTop
10%
Most Efficient Economies: 306th in the regionLargest Governments: 345th in the regionLowest Crime Rates: 361st in the regionMost Authoritarian: 429th in the regionMost Stationary: 467th in the region

National Happenings

Most Recent Government Activity:

  • : The Free Joy State was ranked in the Top 10% of the world for Greatest Rich-Poor Divides.
  • : Following new legislation in The Free Joy State, maintaining economic growth is no laughing matter.
  • : Following new legislation in The Free Joy State, a citizen who thinks a slave is a deadbeat is entitled to make the descriptor literally true.
  • : Following new legislation in The Free Joy State, citizens often glare angrily at jet contrails.
  • : Following new legislation in The Free Joy State, many of the unemployed have had the fight taken out of them.
  • : The Free Joy State was ranked in the Top 5% of the world for Most Patriotic.
  • : Following new legislation in The Free Joy State, prime picnicking sites are being paved over in the name of progress.
  • : Following new legislation in The Free Joy State, there's a mortuary next to every Free Joyish restaurant.
  • : Following new legislation in The Free Joy State, exceptionally talented workers are praised more than Revolutionary heroes.
  • : Following new legislation in The Free Joy State, there is no such thing as an innocent fling in the Free Joyish military.

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