The Supreme Relaxer of The Gold Mines is a colossal, safe nation, ruled by Azalea Aster with an even hand, and renowned for its ubiquitous missile silos, smutty television, and stringent health and safety legislation. The hard-nosed, humorless population of 9.199 billion Gold Miners are fiercely patriotic and enjoy great social equality; they tend to view other, more capitalist countries as somewhat immoral and corrupt.

The medium-sized, corrupt, socially-minded government juggles the competing demands of Education, Administration, and Defense. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Gold City. The average income tax rate is 92.9%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Gold Miner economy, worth a remarkable 1,920 trillion Golden Coins a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. The industrial sector, which is broadly diversified, is dominated by the Information Technology industry, with significant contributions from Arms Manufacturing, Uranium Mining, and Book Publishing. Average income is an amazing 208,798 Golden Coins, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

State dairy cow's milk is a shear-thickening fluid that can stop small-caliber bullets, bored politicians often entertain themselves with games of Simon during important votes, pareidolic SETI scientists swear there's a message from aliens hidden within pi, and the nation's navy has been named the scourge of the seven thousand seas. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. The Gold Mines's national animal is the Golden Cat, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation.

The Gold Mines is ranked 8,854^th in the world and 2^nd in Just relax for Lowest Crime Rates, with 103.35 law-abiding acts per hour.