The Forbidden Sex-Ed of The Mating Tortoise is a massive, orderly nation, ruled by TheLandOfFunFunFun with an iron fist, and renowned for its smutty television, ban on automobiles, and keen interest in outer space. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless population of 4.043 billion Tariens are ruled by a mostly-benevolent dictator, who grants the populace the freedom to live their own lives but watches carefully for anyone to slip up.

The relatively small, corrupt, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Industry, Defense, and Administration. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of The Dirt Hole. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 15.5%.

The frighteningly efficient a Tarien economy, worth 611 trillion Peices a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with major contributions from Soda Sales, Information Technology, and Uranium Mining. Black market activity is rampant. State-owned companies are reasonably common. Average income is an impressive 151,292 Peices, but there is a significant disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 499,415 per year while the poor average 34,289, a ratio of 14.6 to 1.

Doctors refer to inner-cities as newbie zones, asking 'a penny for your thoughts?' draws law enforcement response, retired racing Tortoises are served truffles for breakfast, and they unpaved paradise and tore up a parking lot (ooh, bop bop bop). Crime, especially youth-related, is a problem, with the police force struggling against a lack of funding and a high mortality rate. The Mating Tortoise's national animal is the Tortoise, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation, and its national religion is Aeriliapingism.

The Mating Tortoise is ranked 98,582^nd in the world and 1,847^th in The North Pacific for Most Advanced Public Education, scoring 2,513.19 on the Edu-tellignce® Test Score.