The Imperial Republic of The Wooden Empire is a colossal, socially progressive nation, ruled by The Emperor Woody the Second with a fair hand, and notable for its museums and concert halls, soft-spoken computers, and pith helmet sales. The compassionate, hard-working, democratic, cheerful, devout population of 7.725 billion Wooden Empireans hold their civil and political rights very dear, although the wealthy and those in business tend to be viewed with suspicion.

The large, liberal, outspoken government juggles the competing demands of Education, Administration, and Healthcare. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Wooden City. The average income tax rate is 92.7%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Wooden Empirean economy, worth a remarkable 1,117 trillion Imperial Dollars a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. The industrial sector is led by the Information Technology industry, with major contributions from Tourism and Book Publishing. Average income is an impressive 144,615 Imperial Dollars, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Toy versions of heroin paraphernalia let kids pretend to be their favourite TV characters, Wooden Empireans teach life's not worth a damn 'til you can shout out 'I am what I am', high school band practice is often crashed by technicolor-clad ravers, and The Emperor Woody the Second panders to nontraditional families. Crime is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. The Wooden Empire's national animal is the Siberian Wolf, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Secular.

The Wooden Empire is ranked 286,571^st in the world and 11,287^th in Osiris for Most Secular, with 9.31 Atheism Rate.