The Republic of Thuringwethil Vampire Messenger is a huge, pleasant nation, notable for its prohibition of alcohol, suspicion of poets, and spontaneously combusting cars. The hard-nosed, hard-working, democratic population of 518 million Thuringwethil Vampire Messengerians enjoy a sensible mix of personal and economic freedoms, while the political process is open and the people's right to vote held sacrosanct.

The minute government, or what there is of one, is primarily concerned with Education, although Healthcare and Defense are also considered important, while Social Policy and International Aid are ignored. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 5.8%.

The strong Thuringwethil Vampire Messengerian economy, worth 25.3 trillion Flames of Udun a year, is driven almost entirely by the private sector, which is fairly diversified and led by the Information Technology industry, with major contributions from Trout Farming, Basket Weaving, and Beef-Based Agriculture. Average income is 48,907 Flames of Udun, with the richest citizens earning 6.5 times as much as the poorest.

The country is rumored to be a Brancalandian puppet state, former bars are desperately trying to re-brand themselves as cafés, nature magazines featuring stick insects on their covers are sometimes mistaken for fashion magazines, and the question "please would you...?" is usually laden with passive aggression. Crime is moderate, with the police force struggling against a lack of funding and a high mortality rate. Thuringwethil Vampire Messenger's national animal is the Dark Fire, which can occasionally be seen sifting through garbage in the nation's cities.

Thuringwethil Vampire Messenger is ranked 165,803^rd in the world and 9^th in After the Fall for Most Primitive, scoring -57.01 on the Scary Big Number Scale.