by Max Barry

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The Archbishopric of Twente

“Godzoaligheid en Wittekind” Archbishop Gerhardus Janman

Category: Iron Fist Consumerists
Civil Rights:
Political Freedoms:

Regional Influence: Sprat

Location: Europe



Population36.017 billion

LeaderArchbishop Gerhardus Janman
FaithSaxon Catholicism


The Archbishopric of Twente is a gargantuan, orderly nation, ruled by Archbishop Gerhardus Janman with an iron fist, and notable for its ubiquitous missile silos, flagrant waste-dumping, and parental licensing program. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless, devout population of 36.017 billion Tubantians are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The medium-sized, corrupt, moralistic, well-organized government is primarily concerned with Defense, with Spirituality, Education, and Public Transport also on the agenda, while Environment receives no funds. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Eanske. The income tax rate is 100%.

The frighteningly efficient Tubantian economy, worth an astonishing 14,038 trillion Marks a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with significant contributions from Uranium Mining, Woodchip Exports, and Furniture Restoration. State-owned companies are reasonably common. Average income is an amazing 389,773 Marks, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 3.8 times as much as the poorest.

Lobbyists are trying to convince government to recategorize most natural disasters as "non-critical naturogenic inconveniences", political activists are routinely executed, people make a career out of medical voyeurism, and when you fly on Air Twente you win a seat or you die. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, despite the fact that it is difficult to make it through a day without breaking one of the country's many laws. Twente's national animal is the Steed, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is Saxon Catholicism.

Twente is ranked 527th in the world and 8th in Europe for Largest Furniture Restoration Industry, scoring 15,186.9 on the Spitz-Pollish Productivity Index.

Most Devout: 67thLargest Mining Sector: 91stHighest Economic Output: 153rdLargest Populations: 188thMost Advanced Defense Forces: 219thLargest Governments: 300thLowest Crime Rates: 315thLargest Timber Woodchipping Industry: 321stLargest Arms Manufacturing Sector: 326thHighest Unexpected Death Rate: 363rdLargest Manufacturing Sector: 413thLargest Furniture Restoration Industry: 527thMost Corrupt Governments: 581stMost Avoided: 599thHighest Average Tax Rates: 619thHighest Average Incomes: 634thLargest Basket Weaving Sector: 649thMost Advanced Public Transport: 676thMost Primitive: 758thMost Stationary: 1,023rdLargest Insurance Industry: 1,321stHighest Poor Incomes: 1,350thMost Efficient Economies: 1,663rdTop
Highest Wealthy Incomes: 2,523rdLargest Soda Pop Sector: 3,153rdLargest Cheese Export Sector: 3,893rdFattest Citizens: 4,031stHighest Foreign Aid Spending: 4,148thMost Conservative: 4,286thMost Influential: 6,253rdMost Authoritarian: 7,128thMost Subsidized Industry: 8,252ndTop
Smartest Citizens: 9,568thMost Advanced Public Education: 10,210thMost Extensive Public Healthcare: 11,822ndMost Advanced Law Enforcement: 11,960thLargest Black Market: 11,974thLargest Welfare Programs: 15,330thMost Extreme: 16,818th
Largest Populations: 1st in the regionHighest Economic Output: 3rd in the regionLargest Mining Sector: 3rd in the regionMost Devout: 3rd in the regionLargest Arms Manufacturing Sector: 3rd in the regionMost Advanced Defense Forces: 4th in the regionLargest Manufacturing Sector: 6th in the regionLowest Crime Rates: 6th in the regionLargest Timber Woodchipping Industry: 6th in the regionHighest Unexpected Death Rate: 6th in the regionHighest Average Incomes: 7th in the regionMost Stationary: 8th in the regionLargest Furniture Restoration Industry: 8th in the regionLargest Basket Weaving Sector: 9th in the regionMost Primitive: 9th in the regionMost Avoided: 9th in the regionMost Corrupt Governments: 9th in the regionTop
Largest Governments: 13th in the regionMost Advanced Public Transport: 13th in the regionLargest Insurance Industry: 14th in the regionMost Conservative: 16th in the regionHighest Average Tax Rates: 21st in the regionMost Efficient Economies: 22nd in the regionHighest Wealthy Incomes: 23rd in the regionLargest Soda Pop Sector: 25th in the regionMost Authoritarian: 27th in the regionHighest Poor Incomes: 30th in the regionFattest Citizens: 38th in the regionLargest Cheese Export Sector: 44th in the regionMost Extreme: 47th in the regionTop
Highest Foreign Aid Spending: 57th in the regionLargest Black Market: 66th in the region

National Happenings

Most Recent Government Activity:

  • : Twente was ranked in the Top 10% of the world for Most Extreme.
  • : Following new legislation in Twente, when you fly on Air Twente you win a seat or you die.
  • : Following new legislation in Twente, people make a career out of medical voyeurism.
  • : Following new legislation in Twente, political activists are routinely executed.
  • : Following new legislation in Twente, lobbyists are trying to convince government to recategorize most natural disasters as "non-critical naturogenic inconveniences".
  • : Following new legislation in Twente, rabbits are known to spontaneously explode without warning.
  • : Following new legislation in Twente, naturists are jailed regularly for indecent exposure.
  • : Following new legislation in Twente, the dessert 'Death by Chocolate' isn't the most lethal dish on the menu.
  • : Following new legislation in Twente, the nation's train stations are widely considered to be the ugliest in Europe.
  • : Following new legislation in Twente, one of the nation's leading exports is empty platitudes.


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