by Max Barry

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National Flag

The Kingdom of Tzenich

“Build a fortress and shield your beliefs”

Category: Moralistic Democracy
Civil Rights:
Few
Economy:
Frightening
Political Freedoms:
Very Good

Regional Influence: Squire

Location: Gypsy Lands

OverviewPoliciesPeopleGovernmentEconomyRankTrendCards

Tzenich

Population16.667 billion

LeaderHigh King Dimas XIV Ualdu

CurrencyTzil
Animalgreat blue heron

The Kingdom of Tzenich is a gargantuan, safe nation, ruled by High King Dimas XIV Ualdu with an even hand, and notable for its soft-spoken computers, vat-grown people, and state-planned economy. The hard-nosed, democratic, humorless population of 16.667 billion Tzenichians are highly moralistic and fiercely conservative, in the sense that they tend to believe most things should be outlawed. People who have good jobs and work quietly at them are lauded; others are viewed with suspicion.

The enormous, corrupt government prioritizes Law & Order, with Industry, Education, and Healthcare also on the agenda, while Public Transport and Welfare aren't funded at all. The average income tax rate is 68.4%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Tzenichian economy, worth a remarkable 1,219 trillion Tzils a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is a large, well-organized, quite specialized black market in Information Technology, Book Publishing, and Basket Weaving. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is 73,156 Tzils, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.2 times as much as the poorest.

The government prefers to take a hands-off approach to catastrophes, press conferences always end with standing ovations and rapturous applause, all transmission towers have been temporarily diverted in order to establish dialogue with a comet, and onions have been banned due to their tendency to cause eye irritation. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to the all-pervasive police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Tzenich's national animal is the great blue heron, which is also the nation's favorite main course.

Tzenich is ranked 86,607th in the world and 23rd in Gypsy Lands for Most Stationary, with 531.1592781134 days.

Top
1%
Most Advanced Law Enforcement: 822ndTop
5%
Most Subsidized Industry: 7,102ndMost Extensive Public Healthcare: 8,339thLargest Black Market: 9,015thMost Politically Apathetic Citizens: 11,192ndMost Advanced Public Education: 14,898thTop
10%
Largest Publishing Industry: 16,648thMost Valuable International Artwork: 20,002ndMost World Assembly Endorsements: 20,464thLargest Populations: 22,426thHighest Economic Output: 23,206thMost Corrupt Governments: 26,545thMost Efficient Economies: 27,784thMost Ignorant Citizens: 28,170th
Top
5%
Most Advanced Law Enforcement: 2nd in the regionMost Subsidized Industry: 2nd in the regionTop
10%
Most Politically Apathetic Citizens: 3rd in the regionLargest Black Market: 4th in the regionMost Extensive Public Healthcare: 5th in the region

National Happenings

Most Recent Government Activity:

  • : Tzenich was ranked in the Top 5% of the world for Most Advanced Public Education and the Top 10% for Most Ignorant Citizens.
  • : Following new legislation in Tzenich, onions have been banned due to their tendency to cause eye irritation.
  • : Following new legislation in Tzenich, all transmission towers have been temporarily diverted in order to establish dialogue with a comet.
  • : Following new legislation in Tzenich, press conferences always end with standing ovations and rapturous applause.
  • : Tzenich was ranked in the Top 5% of the world for Most Advanced Public Education.
  • : Following new legislation in Tzenich, the government prefers to take a hands-off approach to catastrophes.
  • : Following new legislation in Tzenich, Bigtopian interference in domestic elections is always democratically sanctioned.
  • : Following new legislation in Tzenich, suspicious locals close their doors leaving tourists to suffer the elements by themselves.
  • : Following new legislation in Tzenich, those who turn the other cheek seem to enjoy being slapped just a little too much.
  • : Following new legislation in Tzenich, the explosive fireball of the disintegrating space shuttle has devastated Cape Tzenich.

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