The Eggdog-Abundant Haven of United States Of Alpha is a massive, socially progressive nation, ruled by JustBry4 with an even hand, and notable for its frequent executions, smutty television, and punitive income tax rates. The compassionate, hard-working, democratic, cheerful population of 1.689 billion Alphanians enjoy some of the most opulent lifestyles in the region, unless they are unemployed or working-class, in which case they are variously starving to death or crippled by easily preventable diseases.

The medium-sized, liberal government juggles the competing demands of Education, Industry, and Administration. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Utopiatopia. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 67.6%.

The frighteningly efficient Alphanian economy, worth 258 trillion pingas a year, is led by the Tourism industry, with major contributions from Information Technology, Retail, and Book Publishing. Black market activity is extensive. Average income is an impressive 153,275 pingas, with the richest citizens earning 6.6 times as much as the poorest.

Citizens are abandoning their homes en masse in a widespread panic over asbestos, asking a cutie their star sign is always met with withering scorn, parents are shocked to find out that having kids costs money, and the word "robot" is considered to be etymologically offensive. Crime, especially youth-related, is a major problem, perhaps because of the country's complete lack of prisons. United States Of Alpha's national animal is the eggdog, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Internet-Phenomenist Eggdogism.

United States Of Alpha is ranked 111,946^th in the world and 2,166^th in the Rejected Realms for Largest Furniture Restoration Industry, scoring 2,748.6 on the Spitz-Pollish Productivity Index.