The Republic of Upper Hayastan is a massive, orderly nation, ruled by President Mehmet Aksoy with an iron fist, and remarkable for its compulsory military service, suspicion of poets, and spontaneously combusting cars. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, humorless, devout population of 3.182 billion Hayastanians are ruled with an iron fist by the corrupt, dictatorship government, which oppresses anyone who isn't on the board of a Fortune 500 company. Large corporations tend to be above the law, and use their financial clout to gain ever-increasing government benefits at the expense of the poor and unemployed.

The relatively small, corrupt, moralistic, pro-business, well-organized government is primarily concerned with Defense, with Law & Order, Administration, and Industry also on the agenda, while International Aid and Environment are ignored. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Taroh. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 18.0%.

The powerhouse Hayastanian economy, worth 268 trillion Rials a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with significant contributions from Uranium Mining, Information Technology, and Automobile Manufacturing. Black market activity is notable. Average income is 84,244 Rials, but there is an enormous disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 487,964 per year while the poor average 6,915, a ratio of 70.6 to 1.

Women who leak pus from infected wounds are told to suck it up, the nation's countrysides are littered with landmines due to ongoing family disputes, tourists call Hayastanian beach towns "the fine coastline", and politicians have to be granted day-release from prison to speak on bills. Crime is a problem, possibly because it is difficult to make it through a day without breaking one of the country's many regulations. Upper Hayastan's national animal is the Goat, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation, and its national religion is Yellowism.

Upper Hayastan is ranked 300,289^th in the world and 138^th in Barbaria for Most Advanced Public Education, scoring 456.29 on the Edu-tellignce® Test Score.