by Max Barry

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The Enclave of Valklandia

“We will not repeat pre-war mistakes.” Johannes Kesselring

Category: New York Times Democracy
Civil Rights:
Average
Economy:
Frightening
Political Freedoms:
Excellent

Regional Influence: Minnow

Location: Balder

OverviewFactbookDispatchesPoliciesPeopleGovernmentEconomyRankTrendCards

Valklandia

Population8.964 billion

CapitalBundesburg
LeaderJohannes Kesselring
FaithPost-Nuclear Christendom

CurrencyBullion Note
AnimalEagle

The Enclave of Valklandia is a colossal, genial nation, ruled by Johannes Kesselring with a fair hand, and notable for its complete lack of prisons, daily referendums, and sprawling nuclear power plants. The compassionate, hard-working, democratic, devout population of 8.964 billion Valklanders enjoy a sensible mix of personal and economic freedoms, while the political process is open and the people's right to vote held sacrosanct.

The medium-sized, corrupt government juggles the competing demands of Administration, Education, and Law & Order. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Bundesburg. The average income tax rate is 67.4%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Valklandian economy, worth a remarkable 1,099 trillion Bullion Notes a year, is quite specialized and led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with major contributions from Tourism, Information Technology, and Trout Farming. State-owned companies are reasonably common. Average income is an impressive 122,630 Bullion Notes, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.4 times as much as the poorest.

An aboriginal talking stick is used for leaders' debates at election time, the Museum of Blackacrean War Crimes is located on "Blackacre Did Nothing Wrong Avenue", government officials sit helplessly as they are labelled 'Pompous Womples' by celebrities, and fur coats have become the latest fashion trend. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Valklandia's national animal is the Eagle, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is Post-Nuclear Christendom.

Valklandia is ranked 159,965th in the world and 3,200th in Balder for Most Stationary, with 126.20355117412 days.

Top
5%
Largest Trout Fishing Sector: 4,761stHealthiest Citizens: 9,731stMost Devout: 10,351stLongest Average Lifespans: 12,462ndMost Developed: 13,495thTop
10%
Most Popular Tourist Destinations: 16,257thLowest Crime Rates: 17,749thHighest Foreign Aid Spending: 18,187thLargest Agricultural Sector: 18,487thSmartest Citizens: 19,622ndMost Compassionate Citizens: 19,997thMost Scientifically Advanced: 22,002ndNicest Citizens: 22,088thMost Advanced Public Transport: 22,155thBest Weather: 22,861stHighest Food Quality: 24,392ndLargest Arms Manufacturing Sector: 24,951stMost Eco-Friendly Governments: 25,948thMost Extensive Public Healthcare: 26,035thHighest Economic Output: 26,629thLargest Information Technology Sector: 26,866thHighest Poor Incomes: 27,326thLargest Manufacturing Sector: 29,322nd
Top
5%
Largest Trout Fishing Sector: 203rd in the regionHealthiest Citizens: 487th in the regionTop
10%
Most Devout: 592nd in the regionLongest Average Lifespans: 680th in the regionMost Developed: 723rd in the regionMost Popular Tourist Destinations: 981st in the regionHighest Foreign Aid Spending: 1,005th in the region

National Happenings

Most Recent Government Activity:

  • : Following new legislation in Valklandia, fur coats have become the latest fashion trend.
  • : Following new legislation in Valklandia, government officials sit helplessly as they are labelled 'Pompous Womples' by celebrities.
  • : Valklandia was reclassified from "Inoffensive Centrist Democracy" to "New York Times Democracy".
  • : Following new legislation in Valklandia, the Museum of Blackacrean War Crimes is located on "Blackacre Did Nothing Wrong Avenue".
  • : Following new legislation in Valklandia, an aboriginal talking stick is used for leaders' debates at election time.
  • : Following new legislation in Valklandia, councils up and down the country wrangle over legal matters.
  • : Following new legislation in Valklandia, gossip magazines have pictures of Johannes Kesselring sunbathing on the beach with political rivals.
  • : Following new legislation in Valklandia, the Finance Ministry posts hourly updates on where taxpayer money is spent.
  • : Following new legislation in Valklandia, molehills are the only mountains deemed safe enough for the public.
  • : Valklandia was ranked in the Top 10% of the world for Largest Manufacturing Sector.

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