by Max Barry

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The Polemic Hagiarchy of Zenzibar

“That's just the way the system works.” Tulkinghorn

Category: Psychotic Dictatorship
Civil Rights:
Outlawed
Economy:
Powerhouse
Political Freedoms:
Outlawed

Regional Influence: Handshaker

Location: Capitalist Paradise

OverviewFactbookDispatchesPoliciesPeopleGovernmentEconomyRankTrendCards

Zenzibar

Population11.339 billion

CapitalBleak House
LeaderTulkinghorn
FaithOrthodoxical Pulsification

CurrencyFood Stamp
Animalcricket

The Polemic Hagiarchy of Zenzibar is a gargantuan, efficient nation, ruled by Tulkinghorn with an iron fist, and notable for its compulsory military service, infamous sell-swords, and suspicion of poets. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless, devout population of 11.339 billion Zenzites are ruled without fear or favor by a psychotic dictator, who outlaws just about everything and refers to the populace as "my little playthings."

It is difficult to tell where the omnipresent, corrupt, moralistic, socially-minded, well-organized government stops and the rest of society begins, but it prioritizes Defense, with Spirituality, Law & Order, and Environment also on the agenda, while Social Policy and International Aid receive no funds. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Bleak House. The average income tax rate is 98.7%.

The powerhouse Zenzish economy, worth a remarkable 2,422 trillion Food Stamps a year, is driven almost entirely by government activity. The industrial sector is solely comprised of the Basket Weaving industry. Average income is an amazing 213,620 Food Stamps, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 3.1 times as much as the poorest.

The military is researching proton packs and PK-meters to combat "unseen enemy forces", unfit police officers collapse while trying to capture unusually athletic criminals, poets and writers are regularly rounded up and shot for entertainment, and you don't need a smoking gun to arrest someone for promoting guns. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to the all-pervasive police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Zenzibar's national animal is the cricket, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Orthodoxical Pulsification.

Zenzibar is ranked 6,849th in the world and 23rd in Capitalist Paradise for Most Stationary, with 1,906.70711304 Days.

Top
1%
Most Devout: 51stMost Advanced Defense Forces: 90thMost Primitive: 90thMost Ignorant Citizens: 104thMost Corrupt Governments: 331stMost Advanced Law Enforcement: 359thMost Eco-Friendly Governments: 361stMost Politically Apathetic Citizens: 482ndLargest Black Market: 550thBest Weather: 845thMost Influential: 910thMost Subsidized Industry: 1,197thHighest Average Tax Rates: 1,630thMost Beautiful Environments: 1,798thTop
5%
Lowest Crime Rates: 2,184thLargest Governments: 2,864thMost Valuable International Artwork: 2,956thMost Extensive Public Healthcare: 4,149thMost Popular Tourist Destinations: 5,166thHighest Average Incomes: 5,303rdMost Authoritarian: 5,428thHighest Economic Output: 5,696thHighest Poor Incomes: 6,467thMost World Assembly Endorsements: 6,573rdMost Conservative: 6,836thMost Stationary: 6,849thMost Advanced Public Transport: 8,461stTop
10%
Highest Wealthy Incomes: 13,430thMost Extreme: 17,111thLongest Average Lifespans: 17,249th
Top
1%
Most Advanced Defense Forces: 1st in the regionMost Primitive: 1st in the regionMost Devout: 1st in the regionLargest Black Market: 1st in the regionMost Ignorant Citizens: 1st in the regionMost Eco-Friendly Governments: 2nd in the regionMost Advanced Law Enforcement: 2nd in the regionTop
5%
Most Corrupt Governments: 4th in the regionMost Authoritarian: 4th in the regionHighest Average Tax Rates: 5th in the regionBest Weather: 5th in the regionMost Extreme: 6th in the regionLowest Crime Rates: 6th in the regionMost Subsidized Industry: 7th in the regionMost World Assembly Endorsements: 8th in the regionMost Conservative: 8th in the regionMost Beautiful Environments: 8th in the regionMost Politically Apathetic Citizens: 9th in the regionMost Extensive Public Healthcare: 10th in the regionLargest Governments: 10th in the regionMost Advanced Public Transport: 11th in the regionMost Valuable International Artwork: 14th in the regionMost Popular Tourist Destinations: 16th in the regionTop
10%
Most Influential: 18th in the regionHighest Poor Incomes: 22nd in the regionMost Stationary: 23rd in the region

National Happenings

Most Recent Government Activity:

  • : Following new legislation in Zenzibar, you don't need a smoking gun to arrest someone for promoting guns.
  • : Following new legislation in Zenzibar, poets and writers are regularly rounded up and shot for entertainment.
  • : Following new legislation in Zenzibar, unfit police officers collapse while trying to capture unusually athletic criminals.
  • : Following new legislation in Zenzibar, the military is researching proton packs and PK-meters to combat "unseen enemy forces".
  • : Zenzibar voted against the World Assembly Resolution "Ban on Forced Blood Sports".
  • : Following new legislation in Zenzibar, pre-eclampsia in pregnancy is treated with encouragement to take "long soothing walks".
  • : Following new legislation in Zenzibar, first-time moms are expected to be experienced parents from day one.
  • : Following new legislation in Zenzibar, citizens are frequently searched for illegal weapons.
  • : Zenzibar voted for the World Assembly Resolution "Repeal "Military Identification Tag Act"".
  • : Following new legislation in Zenzibar, babysitters are a thing of the past.

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