by Max Barry

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The Polemic Hagiarchy of Zenzibar

“That's just the way the system works.” Tulkinghorn

Category: Psychotic Dictatorship
Civil Rights:
Unheard Of
Economy:
Powerhouse
Political Freedoms:
Unheard Of

Regional Influence: Handshaker

Location: Capitalist Paradise

OverviewFactbookDispatchesPoliciesPeopleGovernmentEconomyRankTrendCards

Zenzibar

Population9.571 billion

CapitalBleak House
LeaderTulkinghorn
FaithOrthodoxical Pulsification

CurrencyFood Stamp
Animalcricket

The Polemic Hagiarchy of Zenzibar is a colossal, orderly nation, ruled by Tulkinghorn with an iron fist, and renowned for its zero percent divorce rate, fear of technology, and avant-garde cinema. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless, devout population of 9.571 billion Zenzites are ruled without fear or favor by a psychotic dictator, who outlaws just about everything and refers to the populace as "my little playthings."

It is difficult to tell where the omnipresent, corrupt, moralistic, socially-minded, well-organized government stops and the rest of society begins, but it juggles the competing demands of Defense, Spirituality, and Environment. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Bleak House. The average income tax rate is 98.5%.

The powerhouse Zenzish economy, worth a remarkable 1,916 trillion Food Stamps a year, is driven almost entirely by government activity, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is an enormous, deeply entrenched, extremely specialized black market in Basket Weaving. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is an amazing 200,267 Food Stamps, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.2 times as much as the poorest.

The nation's government buildings are remarkable for being ugly concrete boxes, it takes all playtime for children to locate their friends among two hundred identical heads, the giant 80-storey carving of Tulkinghorn in Mount Rushless can be seen from space, and meetings are often scheduled for "about four-ish" following complete conversion to sundials. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to the all-pervasive police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Zenzibar's national animal is the cricket, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Orthodoxical Pulsification.

Zenzibar is ranked 152,543rd in the world and 265th in Capitalist Paradise for Most Pacifist, with 3.52 Cheeks Turned Per Day.

Top
1%
Most Devout: 56thMost Advanced Defense Forces: 95thMost Primitive: 121stMost Ignorant Citizens: 127thMost Corrupt Governments: 334thMost Eco-Friendly Governments: 368thLargest Black Market: 420thMost Politically Apathetic Citizens: 548thMost Advanced Law Enforcement: 622ndMost Subsidized Industry: 904thMost Influential: 906thBest Weather: 930thTop
5%
Highest Average Tax Rates: 1,784thMost Beautiful Environments: 1,896thLowest Crime Rates: 2,721stLargest Governments: 3,192ndMost Extensive Public Healthcare: 3,477thMost World Assembly Endorsements: 4,185thHighest Poor Incomes: 4,482ndMost Popular Tourist Destinations: 5,504thHighest Average Incomes: 5,661stHighest Economic Output: 6,438thMost Authoritarian: 6,837thMost Advanced Public Transport: 7,172ndMost Stationary: 7,521stTop
10%
Most Conservative: 12,878th
Top
1%
Most Eco-Friendly Governments: 1st in the regionMost Ignorant Citizens: 1st in the regionMost Devout: 1st in the regionMost Primitive: 1st in the regionMost Advanced Defense Forces: 1st in the regionLargest Black Market: 2nd in the regionTop
5%
Most Advanced Law Enforcement: 3rd in the regionMost Authoritarian: 4th in the regionBest Weather: 5th in the regionMost Subsidized Industry: 5th in the regionMost Corrupt Governments: 5th in the regionLowest Crime Rates: 6th in the regionMost Conservative: 7th in the regionHighest Average Tax Rates: 7th in the regionMost World Assembly Endorsements: 9th in the regionMost Beautiful Environments: 10th in the regionMost Extensive Public Healthcare: 11th in the regionMost Politically Apathetic Citizens: 11th in the regionLargest Governments: 13th in the regionMost Popular Tourist Destinations: 14th in the regionMost Advanced Public Transport: 14th in the regionTop
10%
Highest Poor Incomes: 18th in the regionMost Influential: 20th in the regionMost Extreme: 22nd in the region

National Happenings

Most Recent Government Activity:

  • : Zenzibar lodged a message on the Capitalist Paradise Regional Message Board.
  • : Following new legislation in Zenzibar, meetings are often scheduled for "about four-ish" following complete conversion to sundials.
  • : Following new legislation in Zenzibar, the giant 80-storey carving of Tulkinghorn in Mount Rushless can be seen from space.
  • : Zenzibar voted against the World Assembly Resolution "Ban on Forced Sterilisation".
  • : Following new legislation in Zenzibar, it takes all playtime for children to locate their friends among two hundred identical heads.
  • : Zenzibar was endorsed by The United Socialist States of Aloha Islands of Pokemon.
  • : Following new legislation in Zenzibar, the nation's government buildings are remarkable for being ugly concrete boxes.
  • : Following new legislation in Zenzibar, napalm is the tool of choice for disabling eco-unfriendly forestry operations.
  • : Zenzibar was ranked in the Top 5% of the world for Most Stationary and Most Advanced Public Transport.
  • : Following new legislation in Zenzibar, terrified tympanists are finding themselves on the front lines armed only with kettledrums.

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