29 July 2018
Ebenezer J. Alldale, Reporter
It has been a busy four days in Treadwellia for His Immensity and Her Motherhood. While in a Tubbabies in Piggy Cliff, Tubbius the Fat was accosted by a mother-to-be (mom and baby are now doing fine after delivery, by the way) who apparently demanded that His Rotundity find a way to use His vaunted Tubbius Magic to allow Him to take the pressure off Mrs. Tubbius to carry all the little ones.
In short, she was telling Tubbius to become pregnant somehow, which, naturally, left His Adiposity quite puzzled as to how that would even work.
Tubbians in the town of Swollen Middle took up the argument from a theological standpoint, much to Tubbius Princeps Langley Tubbius' chagrin. Some were drawing on the First Fold, fifth verse, in The Folds of Tubbius, arguing that "As Tubbians believe, so is Tubbius" would apply here. According to Dr. Biggenbottom-Tubbius of the royal family, this quite nearly happened. The Portly Patriarch spent a day unconscious in the Piggy Cliff Hospital on the edge of one of His famous Tubbius Magic Surges, an outpouring of divine power that could have possibly altered His Bloatedness irrevocably and, according to the doctor, maybe even put a little bun in the proverbial oven.
This reporter fears to know how that would have gone at all. Just imagining Tubbius with cravings and a growing belly and--wait. That wouldn't be much different from normal, would it?
All in all, massive change was averted when Her Maternity went on the air on television, radio, and the TubbNet to beg faithful Tubbians to reconsider such an oddity. It apparently worked, for His Lardship awoke in bed, and the built-up Magic slowly dissipated while He rested.
That's not all, though! An armed contingent of twelve men carrying machine guns and a flamethrower found their way into the Piggy Cliff Hospital, which went on lockdown immediately. Piggy Cliff's Boys in Blue, the 2nd Avenue Piggies as they're lovably known, waddled bravely into the hail of bullets, their Tubbius-blessed armor deflecting all shots back at the attackers. Word has it that the officers in question will receive Purple Doughnuts for this one!
The origins of these would-be assailants are unknown. Some on the TubbNet claim they might have been from a radical branch of Tubbians who were willing to try to force His Immensity into accepting the unwanted Tubbius Magic Surge. Most conventional, sensible reporters seem to think it was merely an easy opportunity for an outside force to try to capture the royal family all at once and take power, however.
Tubbius and Mrs. Tubbius are both back home, recuperating safely there. Treadwellia City News wishes His Bountiful Benevolence a speedy recovery.