by Max Barry

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by The Holy Empire of The united american-isreali empire. . 1 reads.

Where in the Woods Is Cindy SanFrancisco?

The Issue
After their daughter wandered off into the woods behind her house, a pair of teary-eyed parents interrupts one of your meetings, beseeching you to step up the rescue effort.

The Debate
“She’s only t-t-three years old!” sobs the lost girl’s mother. “She’ll never make it out there in the wilderness all alone. She’s going to d-d-d-“. Her husband steps in as she breaks down in tears: “Please, you have to do something! There aren’t enough rescue workers out there. You need to hire more or divert them from other areas or something! What’s more important than a child’s safety?”

Accept

“Hmph!” scoffs Nomathemba Montgomery, your miffed financial advisor. “The nerve of some people! Do you really want to squander all that money on one kid? If you’re stupid enough to walk off into the forest all by yourself, maybe you shouldn’t make it to adulthood to have your own stupid kids. Survival of the fittest never hurt anyone — anyone worthwhile that is. We need to get rid of this unnecessary safety net. No more rescue teams. Then maybe parents will actually watch their moron kids.”

Accept

“Search teams are just too inefficient,” says Wei Swallows, CEO of Eye See You Surveillance. “Thousands of citizens searching high and low with no promise of success. Now what we need to do is implant GPS tracking ID-coded devices into all citizens. Think about it! No more lost kids, no more fugitives, no more alibis. No need to ask where you were on the night of February 7th. We already know.”

Accept

“Yer all missin’ the heart o’ the matter,” barks Brian Caldwell, a burly, crosscut-saw wielding lumberjack. “The problem isn’t these lil’ rascals gettin’ lost; it’s what they’re gettin’ lost in. If we chop down those damned woods, well then there won’t be anythin’ to get lost in, now will there? You give me and my team the OK, and we’ll make those wooded deathtraps a thing o’ the past!”

Accept

Citizens polled. Media probed. Headlines gathered.

The Talking Point

The national guard is mobilized whenever a mother gets separated from her child at the mall.

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