by Max Barry

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DispatchBulletinOpinion

by The Unojoish Rep of Unojoish North Kuril Islands. . 44 reads.

Meet the Socialist Unojo????

Uunited Islands: "Well, Unojo I made it, despite your directions."
Unojo: "Ah. Region Creator UI. Welcome. - I hope you're prepared for an unforgettable political change.
Uunited Islands: "Yeah..."
*Unojo walks into Greatest Unojo to see The alton state revolting*
Unojo: "Oh, Cartone! This State is ruined... But what if, I were to steal a Tonga Monarch and disguise it as my own King? Delightfully devilish, Unojo."
*Unojo Crawls out of Greatest Unojo, but get's interrupted by Uunited Islands*
*Singers sing an incoherent mix of Spanish and English about... something*
Uunited Islands: "Unojo!"
Unojo:"Founder, I was just- uh, just stretching my calves on Arrozia. Isometric exercise. Care to join me?"
Uunited Islands: "Why are there protesters in your colony, Unojo?"
Unojo: "Uh- Oh. Those aren't protests. They're Worshipers. Worshipers for the God-King you're adopting. Mmm. God-King."
*Uunited Islands looks at Unojo in disgust, then goes back to TNA HQ*
*Unojo sneaks off to tonga*

Unojo: "Whew. Founder, I hope you're ready for a Benevolent Queendom!"
Uunited Islands: "I thought you said we were having God-Kings."
Unojo: "D'oh, no. I said God-QUEENS. That's what I call Benevolent Queens!"
Uunited Islands: "You call Dictators 'God-Queens'?"
Unojo: "Yes. It's an American dialect."
Uunited Islands: "Uh huh, Which region?"
Unojo: "Uh, Latin America."
Uunited Islands: "Really? Well I've been to Mexico and I haven't heard anyone say 'God-Queen'."
Unojo: "Oh, not in Mexico. No. It's an Argentine expression."
Uunited Islands: "I see... You know, these Queens look quite similar to the ones they have in Tonga."
Unojo: "Oh, no. Patented Unojoish Saneys. Old family tradition."
Uunited Islands: "For God-Queens?"
Unojo: "Yes."
Uunited Islands: "Yes. And you call them God-Queens despite the fact that they are obviously Goddess-Queen."
Unojo: "Ye- You know, the- One thing I should- - Excuse me for one second."
Uunited Islands: "Of course."
*Unojo rushes into Greatest Unojo for 5 seconds, then speed walks out*
Unojo: "Oh well, that was wonderful. A good time was had by all. I'm pooped."
Uunited Islands: "Yes. I should be- GOOD LORD WHAT IS HAPPENING IN THERE!?"
Unojo: "Conjointist Summoning...?"
Uunited Islands: "Uh- Conjoinist Summoning?! At this time of year, at this time of day, in this part of the region, localized entirely within your colony?!"
Unojo: "Yes."
Uunited Islands: "Can I see it?"
Unojo: "Heretics cannot bare witness to it."
*The 2 of them walk out the TNA HQ as Spanish screaming is coming from the region*
Ipugao: "Unojo! YOUR COLONIES ARE REVOLTING!"
Unojo: "No, niņa, it's just tradition."
Uunited Islands: "Well, Malnja, you are an odd lass but I must say you have some wonder God-Queens."
*Unojo waves to Uunited Islands as TNA HQ explodes*
Ipugao: "PO?! PO?!"
*Uunited Islands turns around and Unojo just waves*

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