10
Dispatch → Bulletin → News
by 
The 🐈 Kingdom of New Rogernomics.
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2 reads.
LAZCORP PREVAILS! - April fools!
LAZCORP PREVAILS
DISSENTERS IN OUR MIDST THE ENEMY SEEKS TO DESTROY OUR WAY OF LIFE TRUST IN THE BOARD!
READ THE LIFETIME EMPLOYEE CONTRACT
ALL EMPLOYEES AND CONTRACTORS MUST PLEDGE TO NEVER CRITICIZE THE CEO AND BOARD OF DIRECTORS TO AVOID PREMATURE CONTRACT TERMINATION.
LAZCORP SHALL HAVE OWNERSHIP AND JURISDICTION OVER ALL FORMER AND CURRENT RESIDENTS OF LAZARUS IN ACCORDANCE WITH BOARD POLICY.
EVERYONE MUST EAT IN LINE WITH BOARD POLICY. SLIM BODIES ARE NOT TUBBY BODIES. EXCLUSIONS ARE ANIMALS, FURRIES, AND ANY OTHER CREATURES OR PERSONS FICTIONAL OR OTHERWISE.
ALL EMPLOYEES WILL BE REQUIRED TO PAY A DAILY LEVY TO TREADWELLIA WHICH SHALL INCLUDE BUT NOT BE LIMITED TO CHOCOLATE, CONFECTIONARY TREATS, COOKIES, PIES, AND CAKE.
PREMATURELY INVALIDATING THIS CONTRACT WILL RESULT IN IMMEDIATE TERMINATION IN ACCORDANCE WITH BOARD POLICIES AND PROCEDURES.
THESE BOARD PROCEDURES MAY INCLUDE DISMEMBERMENT AND EXTREME FORCE. BODY MAY BE REPURPOSED FOR RESEARCH OR MADE INTO SOYLENT GREEN.
PS: April fools
