The true history of the USA

The true history of the USA, as I have discovered through reading into footnotes in the annals of history.

George Washingmachine
John Damns
Thomas Chefferson
James Madhatter
James Monroe v. Wade
John "Q" 8chan Damns
Andrew Jackhammer
Martin White Van
William Harry Henryson (Limited Time Offer)
John Biler
James K. Pork
Zachary Swift
Millard Fillet-O-Fish
Franklin Peers
James Mewchanan
Abraham Lincoln-Logs
Andrew Johnny-Boy
Ulysses Ass Banter
Rutherford Babe Pines
James A. Garfield
Chestburster A. Aardvark
Grover Anne-of-Cleves
Benny Henryson (Not Limited Time Offer)
Grover Anne-of-Cleves
William Denali
Teddy R.
William How Taffy (skinny bwa)
Boodrob Billson
Warner G. Softie
Calcium College
Spice-y Hoverboard
Frankly, D R.
Harry Ass Falsewoman (IT LOOKS TRANSPHOBIC)
Dwight Darkness Schrute
John Far Cannot-Eddy
Lyndon Bart Simp-Father
Richard Water-Gate
Germination Ford
Jimson Race-Car
Ronny Ray-Gun
George HaWk Tuah
[THE PEDOPHILE] / The Clint (used both names)
George Skinwalker Tuah
[ⱤɆĐ₳₵₮ɆĐ-₣ØⱤ-₮ⱧɆ-₱ɄⱤ₱Ø₴Ɇ₴-Ø₣-₦₳₮łØ₦₳Ⱡ-₴Ɇ₵ɄⱤł₮Ɏ] (Bernie Sanders; part of the Al-Qaedaddy)
George Skinwalker Tuah
Obamna [LAST-NAME-REDACTED]
₮ⱧɆ ⱧØⱠɎ ₴₳₵ⱤØ₴₳₦₵₮ (Speak not his name, for he will be the one in power.)
Joe Biding-His-Time
₮ⱧɆ ⱧØⱠɎ ₴₳₵ⱤØ₴₳₦₵₮ (Speak not his name, for he will be the one in power.)
₮ⱧɆ ⱧØⱠɎ ₴₳₵ⱤØ₴₳₦₵₮ (Speak not his name, for he will be the one in power.)
₮ⱧɆ ⱧØⱠɎ ₴₳₵ⱤØ₴₳₦₵₮ (Speak not his name, for he will be the one in power.)
₮ⱧɆ ⱧØⱠɎ ₴₳₵ⱤØ₴₳₦₵₮ (Speak not his name, for he will be the one in power.)
₮ⱧɆ ⱧØⱠɎ ₴₳₵ⱤØ₴₳₦₵₮ (Speak not his name, for he will be the one in power.)