Iknashma: Aguaria Major's National Sport

Aguaria Majorians know how to have fun.

In ancient times, even before the days of the Warlord, sports were extremely popular. If war was had between two or more tribes, and no winner could be reached through fighting (deciding this was the situation was done if a war was fought for a certain amount of time with no clear winner, with this time measured in a dead unit of time known as Aguakrono, with archaeologists still debating how long an Aguakrono was), the Aguagargantuis Pluribiastribas Unumiasnaturalis would step in, and issue a decree calling for Iknashma, or what in English is know as Fiery-Throated Hummingbird Ball. It sounds ridiculous, but that's the literal translation ("Ikna" was Fiery-Throated Hummingbird, "shma" was "sphere"). When this would happen, some of the best times in ancient Aguaria Major were had. For Iknashma, as soon as the Aguagargantuis Pluribiastribas Unumiasnaturalis took control of the country, special structures, enormous stadiums capable of seating hundreds of thousands, were crafted from seismium to ensure game difficulty. Seismium retains seismic waves through eons (see the Geographic history for more on this weird element), so constant earth-quaking would not only get audiences pumped, but throw athletes' balance off. They were built in the middle of the shallow seas between atolls in the archipelago, just for the purpose of playing this game. Seating areas were kept dry, but the competition areas were all water. The purposes for this shall be explained later, in the rules. When Iknashma was called, the whole armies of all the warring tribes would show up in the stadium, shake hands and celebrate beforehand to ensure that the war was over, and play round after round to settle who would win the war, with people packing the stadium and coming from all over the archipelago just to see the game played. Iknashma ended 1,000 year feuds between tribes as soon as the game was adopted by the nation, as it was just that fun and morale-boosting. The very first, 5,000-year-old copy of the official rules of the game, which is just a little bit (and this is a huge understatement) dangerous, is on public display in Aguarbanapolis, the capital city of Aguaria Major, to this day.

The rules of Iknashma are actually quite simple, yet this remains an extremely difficult game to play, and the game is even more difficult to play well. Iknashma's principle component is surfing. Iknashma stadiums were built at sea and out of seismium, with the competition area underwater, so that waves could be produced within a controlled place. Anywhere from 2 to 4 teams can play at once. The principle goal for an Iknashma team is to get a venomous sea urchin (bear with me, as this game is actually EXTREMELY dangerous), which is used as a ball ,through a 6-inch hole, suspended on any of up to 3 100-foot-tall poles, which belong to the opposing team(s) , and that are also at any of the 3 other ends the other end of the mile-diameter, 300-foot-deep (as there does need to be room for waves to propel the surfers) circular competition area, referred to as a lagoon, as many times as possible, until all players have been incapacitated, either by injury, concussion, unconsciousness, or in surprisingly rare cases, death. Teams can position themselves in any way they like, with no designated positions. Movement of the ball down-lagoon, or passing, must be done, however, between players of the same team, with double-ended wooden sticks known as "bludgeons." On one end of this stick is a net, which is used to cup the urchin and throw it, and the other is a paddle that helps players move their surfboards through the water should the seismium-enduced waves ever subside. This hardly ever happens though, so the paddle end is mostly used to hit other players out of the way. And yes. Hitting is ABSOLUTELY allowed, and no armor is worn by players. In fact, players play the game while completely naked, aside from genitalia being covered, and while covered in head to toe in breathable, brightly colored paint that is the color of their team. Iknashma games can go on from anywhere from weeks, in the case of teams whose members are not all incapacitated within minutes, as it is extremely hard to pass, and even more so to get the urchin in the hole, as waves of significant height, not usually had in these games, are required to even get near the top of the pole, less than an hour, in the case of teams that are all incapacitated very shortly. The longer games, a length of which most Iknashma games are, usually yield higher scores, and the shorter games, which are less common, usually end either in very low scores or ties (in ancient times, a tie meant that neither side in the previous war would get his way). So for those of you reading this who can't understand a sport unless it's compared to one popular in your nation, Iknashma is like soccer, with no positions, played with a sea urchin and paddles instead of a ball, while surfing instead of running, and with up to 4 teams playing at once, each trying to simultaneously attack up to 3 different goals.

Iknashma has raised quite a few controversies in recent years.

The game was recently banned in school sports leagues by the Aguaria Majorian Tribal Council as a danger to public health, as while popular and easily accessible in an archipelago such as this one, student injury, brain-damage, and death were day-to-day occurrences. Iknashma was historically played by adults, and children's smaller, more delicate bodies just couldn't cope with the extremely dangerous conditions.

Its ancient purpose, ending wars and promoting peace and national camaraderie and unity, has also been seen by more militant nations and new political parties, mostly made up of the new westerners in the country, as too encouraging of pacifism, which they say is not conducive of a proper modern nation. But the rest of Aguaria Major's citizenry, the Aguaria Majorian Tribal Council, through international declarations, and the Hummingbird Emperor as well, have all said, "Go to Hell!", to these people, and Iknashma remains the most popular sport in Aguaria Major, as well as its official national sport.