by Max Barry

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by The Obesotocracy of Treadwellia. . 323 reads.

The Tubbius Magic

The Tubbius Magic is the name for the magic that keeps Tubbius and His family all healthy, fat, and immortal. Apart from the above shared characteristics, it has some slightly different effects in each individual who possesses it.

Tubbius: Tubbius is able to share the Tubbius Magic, whether in small amounts to new initiates in the Church of Tubbius or in large amounts to His family. In those novices in the Church, the Tubbius Magic induces "The Hunger," which is an almost insatiable hunger for food and drink that encourages monks and priests of the Church to indulge heavily, as growth and gluttony are ideals to attain in the Church. In the Tubbius family, the Magic is passed on either through conscious choosing by His Immensity or by conceiving new children, through which genetics takes care of the giving of the Magic.

In Tubbius Himself, the Tubbius Magic provides perfect health and ageless immortality, despite His Immensity's ever-burgeoning weight and growth. He states that the Magic does its part in keeping Him as fat as it does, that there is indeed a lower limit to which He could lose weight: the 350 pounds He was when He accepted the Magic. Now well over four times that size near the end of 2019, Tubbius still gets along completely fine with no ill effects other than having a bit of soreness at joints and back and needing to keep up with food bills and tailoring. The Magic also grants His Mountainous Majesty a degree of fertility blessing for faithful Tubbians, as well; after all, what better way is there to show off growth than to grow new life?

Of special interest is a certain effect of the Tubbius Magic that His Immensity experiences yearly between November 30 and the entirety of December 25. During this period, certain prohibitive layers of the Tubbius Magic drop, revealing a hidden truth about the identity of Tubbius. He experiences three particular changes. First is a slight but harmless increase in body temperature accompanied by a gentle extra flush to His already rosy features. Second is a gift of speech unique to this time of year; His Rotundity's wheezy, "Mmph mmph"s give way to what was centuries ago His usual boisterous, booming-rolling bass tones with actual words, particularly His merry, jolly, "Ho ho ho" laughs that shake His great belly all around. Third, and finally, is a remarkably specific craving to indulge on nothing else than milk and cookies and sweets. Past experiences for hundreds of years show that these changes will last through the entirety of Christmas Day, fading back to normal at the stroke of midnight going into the twenty-sixth.

Why must there be such seasonal changes for Tubbius of the Tummy? It's a matter of keeping everything secret, especially from all the children! His Corpulence might very much look like one certain Jolly Old Saint Nicholas year 'round, but there has to be some effort made and enforced so that it's not entirely obvious!

Mrs. Tubbius: Mrs. Tubbius, like Her husband, is a living conduit of the Tubbius Magic. However, given Her being a woman, the Magic has a special purpose; Her Maternity is very much a walking fertility goddess of sorts, able to nurse, carry, and birth children nearly on demand, with minimal recovery between pregnancies. Tubbius and Mrs. Tubbius went many centuries between their last, mortal children and the birth of Baby Tubbius. There was no special thought given to the birth of Sister Tubbius; she came along well after Baby Tubbius. What raised eyebrows among all in Treadwellia, though, was the revelation of the rapidity with which Mrs. Tubbius can become newly pregnant after delivery. The twins, Brother and Daughter, were conceived almost a month after the arrival of Sister Tubbius, with their being born on Christmas 2017. The next babies came along not even a week later, being created the night going into the first of 2018 and being due October 1. Subsequent conceptions have either similarly occurred despite normal, natural biology or have yielded exorbitant numbers of little ones, or both. Still more than able to nurse the older infants while growing upcoming siblings, Mrs. Tubbius has been warned on more than one occasion by Dr. Alvin Biggenbottom that She might need to be very careful about future pregnancies, as they seem to be a very sure thing for the happy couple, even with only minimal trying.

Like Tubbius, Mrs. Tubbius shares the role of being able to bless would-be parents to help ensure children among Tubbian faithful. In addition, as of September 2018, Mrs. Tubbius has gained a new responsibility with the rediscovery of ancient missing Tubbian texts. Now, Her Motherhood permanently sports a belly grown to resemble carrying seven infants in a late stages of pregnancy, the result of Her Maternity's now being spiritually united with every Tubbian mother-to-be. She is keenly and constantly aware of all such pregnancies in full detail, able to feel any or all of them at will and able to know everything about them from conception to delivery. She, however, physically carries none of them Herself in addition to Her own pregnancies, even if Her delicate, distended tummy implies otherwise.

Also like Her husband, Mrs. Tubbius experiences similar changes for the weeks around Christmas. She, too, experiences the same flush of temperature and features, a return to Her original speaking voice devoid of the usual, giggly, "Hrm hrm"s, and the same desire for cookies, milk, and sweets. As with His Rotundity, these changes last until midnight going into the twenty-sixth of December.

The children of Tubbius, and Doggy Tubbius: In all of these, the Tubbius Magic has no special properties other than maintaining ideal health, great girth, and eternal ageless youth at each one's respective age. None of these are expected to showcase any special features of the Tubbius Magic.