15 December 2017, Midday Edition
Ebenezer J. Alldale, Reporter
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Word on the street from numerous witnesses down at Mike's Muscles on 215 Tub Street told this reporter about how Mega Mike Makowski, owner of Mike's Muscles, came up to a resting Tubbius who was just visiting the gym and tried to jerk His Immensity to His feet, demanding Tubbius get to where He can cross His ankles and touch His toes. Perish the thought! The incident was apparently settled quickly, with three Bellies restraining Mr. Makowski while His Corpulence apparently blessed Mega Mike with Tubbius Magic. Onlookers nearby on the treadmills claimed they heard Tubbius explain that Mega Mike would feel The Hunger for exactly a month. For readers who might not know, The Hunger is the traditional blessing that Tubbius puts on new priests of the Church of Tubbius so that they stay hungry and are driven to eat, eat, eat.
One source (the woman working the front desk of Mike's Muscles) said that His Immensity did, at least, drop off a very sizable check for the support of Mike's Muscles before He left, claiming He liked what He saw there, but not really what He experienced. Maybe Mr. Makowski might learn a lesson or two from it all.
This reporter can only guess that at the end of this next month, come the middle of January, old Mega Mike might be one round guy, indeed. He'll have to be on top of his game to get back to his old shape, if the Tubbius Magic works as well on him as it has on the priests that Tubbius has blessed over the last few years.