This morning, Tubbius the Flabby is enjoying a good, warm bath in the hot tub with Mrs. Tubbius. Loving tummy rubs are being exchanged, setting both Balloon Bellies to giggling and jiggling quite merrily while They wait for the Six Breakfasts.
uh... I have no words for this.
Your tears have not been in vain. After a month, you are invited into the Silicon States, to witness a wondrous sight. You are tempted to call it a "Moose factory", but the negativity carried with that term isn't present.
It is more of a skyscraper-sized condo for meese. You see them splashing in pools and whooshing down slides, skydiving and base jumping with giant moose-a-chutes. When they are sleeping in their comfy mud pools, men come over, rub a patch of their fur with anesthetic, and pluck a few hairs. The hairs are then fed to a giant automaton disguised as a moose, which (using some strange chemicals and green lightening) creates a small moose baby, which then runs along to enjoy the paradise it is born in. The only price is a little bit of their antlers being clipped off. The antler clippings are then sent to a laboratory, where they are zapped, popped, and turned into delicious and nutricious cookies, which are already beign shipped to every children's sweet shop in the mineral triplets.
On the factory, there is a sign: "In honour of Adelsin and Sneyland, the humble moose farmers who inspired us to this project"
Two crates were discreetly delivered to the Imperial Palace this morning. As always, the courier and the palace's sole inhabitant did not meet. The Emperor's isolation remained undisturbed as it has since he was given the title.
Later, Strenst XXIX went up in his hot air balloon, up into the privacy of the clear blue sky. Peering through their telescopes, observers saw the stick-thin figure of their mysterious leader showing the sunlit city to two baby mooses, pointing at landmarks and excitedly relating the city's history to his adorable but oblivious audience.
Perhaps Their Hefty Hapitudes would enjoy a bowl of Skeleton Flakes? No? But they're delicious!
Seconds ago: Following new legislation in Aigania, exceptionally healthy police officers can sprint after crooks for hours on end.
Well, it seems the tobacco smoking ban is working perfectly! Ah, the joy of health and fitness for all.
Wouldn't anybody here be smoking, would they?
WHO INFECTED MY COUNTRY WITH NATIONSTATES AIDS
Altenburg Independent News
"Dredd to Control, in pursuit of vehicle. Sector 13. Driving erratic. Suspects are under the influence of narcotics."
Thanks to Adelsin and Sneyland for allowing Mzeusia to adopt the three meece.
Here's a link to The Dispatch Writing Guide to help you write a good dispatch.
Over the last month, Mzeusia has steadily fallen in love with three baby meece, Snowy, Tumbleweed and Darryl. They were first noticed when a Mzeusian came across a moose farmer by the name of Adelsin who entered Lazarus. The Mzeusian shared many pictures on social media of Snowy, Tumbleweed and Darryl and these pictures went viral. Love for them grew even further when it was announced that their parents had died, and Mzeusians swiftly began arguing over which was the best one, dividing themselves into teams, with the hashtags, #Snowy #Tumbleweed and #Darryl being shared widely. #Prayforthemeece and #Orphanedmeece also took off.
The moose mania carried on for some time, with non-violent clashes between teams being a common occurrence. Team Tumbleweed were the first to set up a social media account, quickly garnering many followers. Team Snowy and Team Darryl followed suit, and their supporters took to social media to espouse the virtues of their own moose.
Baby moose are known to be very playful, enjoy watching 'Rocky and Bullwinkle' above all other shows and for running with a limp because of their overly long legs. Snowy proved to be the most playful, but Darryl watched the most 'Rocky and Bullwinkle'. Tumbleweed had the most severe limp however.
As the craze grew in popularity, merchandise began appearing, and enterprising Mzeusians sold many moose related items from fake antlers, T-shirts with slogans about which moose was better, mugs, stuffed moose toys and many more things.
During the Weekly Telumasian Question Time, Sirakles Tylosis was asked which team he was on. Throughout that week, people had been analysing his social media posts and statements about all sorts of things in an attempt to determine which team the Mzeusian leader was on. One man said that he saw Tumbleweed's face in the wooden panelling in Mr Tylosis' office, and declared that he must be on Team Tumbleweed. Tylosis however, smiled and made this reply: "I support all three meece. They are unique and lovable in their own ways."
Following this remark, the nation seemed motivated to come together and appreciate all three of the meece equally, and a petition was started, demanding that the Mzeusian government adopt all three of them and house them in Mzikos Zoo. Within a week, it had received well over the 100,000 signatures it needed to be considered for debate in parliament, and parliament gave in to the meece fervour and debated. They came to the decision that adopting just one or two of the meece might be dangerous as Mzeusians supporting meece that were not adopted, could cause more trouble than it was worth. Snowy, Tumbleweed and Darryl were adopted by the Mzeusian government, and a large enclosure were made for them in Mzikos zoo.
The zoo has seen a dramatic rise in visitors, and they have said that they are so glad that people are finding a love for animals. The three Meece are all in excellent health and they have one of the best enclosures in the zoo.
A Mzikos Journal reporter then spent some time asking the public what they thought about the meece.
Person #1: "I was originally rooting for Darry, sorry Darryl, but I've come to see that Snowy and Tumbleweed deserve just as much love."
Person #2 "I was quite sceptical of this whole thing, but when I went to see them for myself, I fel in love with all three. My three year old is now binge-watching 'Rocky and Bullwinkle' which keeps him quiet I guess."
Person #3 "In my opinion, Snowy is the cutest, but the other two aren't bad either. Going to the zoo so many times has hurt my wallet, but it's going towards a good cause."
Person #4 "It's not Meece I tell you! Moose is the plural of Moose, and if some people don't like that, they should... Oh, that's not what you asked. Well sure, how could I not love the little blighters. They're adorable."
Person #5 #Snowy #Tumbleweed, #Darryl, you know man. #Silverlining man. That's all I've got to say, now if you'll excuse me, I've got to take my wife on a date to the zoo."
Person #6 "Don't judge me, but I'm an ex criminal. Nothing big right, but I was only briefly considering doing a bit of shoplifting or something like that. Then I thought about the meece, and I was like, they don't commit no crimes and they're happy. Maybe that's the secret to happiness you know? So I'm never doing another crime in my life.
Check out Adelsin and Sneyland's moose farm today!
30.000 ft over the Eurybean Sea
Präfekt-Commander Tanja Fassberg checked all flight instruments once more. She felt somewhat uneasy at the controls of the sturdy yet slow T140 Schildkröte transport plane. She was used to flying faster and more agile aircraft, like the F148 Kranich supersonic VIP transport or the even faster R22 and R44 fighters. The T140 flew like a brick in comparison.
Still, this mission to Loftegen 2 was one she had volunteered for, and transporting the command element for Leonism's contingent at the upcoming grand exercise of Loftegen's Armed Forces, Schedule 2019, was a great honour and opportunity. Along with many staff officers, her air craft carried two disassembled "Illuminator" 5 MW Laser cannons which Loftegen had recently bought as part of an arms deal. She expected the Republican Federation's Generals to be most eager to "unwrap" these two "presents".
The "Illuminatior" was the least spectacular in ImpTecs line of Laser weaponry, but arguably still the most useful as it was probably the best point-defense gun in all of Lazarus, able to shoot down incoming missiles and aircraft with great accuracy within its 15 km range. This made the Imperium's new Skylancer class frigates near invulnerable to air attacks, as they carried over 50 such Lasers.
Tanja did not think about these issues for long. She was more interested in immersing herself in the magic that filled Loftegen at every corner, in order to further understand the gift she had received, probably birth: the ability to use magic. This only recently discovered power had given her more headaches than anything else in life, but was also the most interesting thing she ever experienced, possibly even more than her first flight lesson, which she fondly remembered.
"ETA 1 hour" her copilot remarked. Tanja snapped out of her thoughts. "Very well. Contact Fortuna Center and advise them we're inbound for Hycronesian airspace." Still another two days to Loftegen...if it weren't so far away!
Aigania, Loftegen 2, and United south and central america
Greetings to all mortals.
I am pleased with the amount of apples picked. Now if you wouldn't mind, I'd like you to make me an apple pie.
Who am I kidding, you will make me that apple pie and you will also burn it upon a sacrificial alter. If you do not, I will smite you down and put a curse on your family.
Enjoy your days.
Perchan, Hycronesia, and Loftegen 2