by Max Barry

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Peatiktist wrote:No one:

The fine print of Peatiktistian scam companies' contracts: In order to cancel this contract you must send us a cancellation notice written entirely in the blood of your fourth-born child, within 12 hours of signing the contract. Additionally, the document must be readable after being passed through a shredder and then submerged in water for 30 minutes.

Irl companies should use this tbh


GR-37 "Vanguard" Assault Transport Gunship

Time in Active Service: 1999-Present Day

The Vanguard is the aerial workhorse for the Slagenseterian military, for wherever a Vanguard flies, either Slagenseterian troops rest snugly in it's armored carapace or military hardware hangs tightly in it's grasp. Despite all it's more transport oriented capabilities, where the Vanguard truly shines is in it's combat role as a gunship. 

The default configuration of the Vanguard is armed with a fifty caliber ventral-mounted machine gun, twin wasp rocket pods, side mounted passenger machine guns, and a modifiable bomb bay in the back. However, it is possible to arm a Vanguard further using the wings as a platform, from auto cannons to more rocket pods, the vanguard is highly versatile weapon. However with the added firepower comes added weight, reducing the amount of weight it can support. In the vanguard's heaviest configurations, the most it can carry without excess passengers is a small lightweight vehicle. Though, with an armament that heavy, it'll likely not require such a load for it's purpose at that moment.

GRS-50 "Conqueror" Heavy Attack Helicopter

Time in Active Service: 2032-Present Day

[place holder]
Virgolia wrote:Squares have four corners and are like midget rectangles

[place holder]

EM-7 "Decimator" Tactical Bomber

Time in Active Service: 2028-Present Day

[place holder]
[place holder coming soon!]
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EIM-57 "Judgement" Jet Fighter

Time in Active Service: 2021-Present Day

The EIM-57 is Slagenseter Forn's current jet fighter. The EIM-57 is capable of going up to a maximum 2702 KPH without much issues. it able to be armed with up to four I-2 ATA missiles which are able to strike an opponent from the air at from beyond visual range.

Read factbook

- Added EM-7 "Decimator" Tactical Bomber.
- Added EIM-57 "Judgement" Jet Fighter.

Peatiktist wrote:You've successfully tricked me into trying to translate something that doesn't have any actual translation.

Yu laik branwada; leidon.

Aivintis wrote:Irl companies should use this tbh

Where do you think I got the idea?


In actually agent 3375 for the South Pacific
my work here is done

Zukchiva wrote:So lemme get this straight

HUR just rejoined Valsora, made an oil alliance, and now is gangbaning Levantin

damn, that's fast

*Cocks rifle*

You bet it is

You know, it’s this kind of stuff that’s gets you onto the top 10 list for Valsora’s world powers *Winks at Merlovich*

Woweee I'm on track to being in the 5% most influence by the end of the month. July has been a breakout month for my nation. I'm in the top 0.8% most endorsed nation's and my industries are starting to reach global averages without sacrificing civil or political rights.

And I'm in the top 10% for most cheerful, most compassionate, most nice people and highest integrity in the world!

History of Aldenbourg. Currently, W.I.P, because why not.

Germanic Migration to Northern Nonscio (300 AD- 400 AD):

The Fall of the late Natin Empire in 300 A.D paved the way for the Germans in Northern Araseos and Scandinavia to migrate to Northern Nonscio, while most chose to settle close to the ruins of the once-proud Empire, some travelled even farther to the fertile southern flatlands of Aldenbourg. A few decades later after they settled, some of the Germanic peoples of southern Aldenbourg went further north, hoping to find more arable land, although when they arrived they only witnessed large mountains, cold weather, and a hefty amount of snow. The harsh weather and mountainous landscape did not deter them however, so they settled, although because of this their culture changed drastically; some reject agriculture and chose to pillage the southern settlements as it was considered the new way of living.

Early Middle Ages of Aldenbourg and Feudalism (400 AD- 1000 AD):

In the 400s AD, most of southern Aldenbourg was settled by great kingdoms, duchies, and counties. These states would discover the feudal system and many implemented it in their way of life. Feudalism would be common until in the 1500s when it was considered inhumane and cruel. Great lords and kings would either abuse or care for their subjects, although most chose the former. During this era, the kingdoms of Bavasia, the Sturggen, and Aldenbourg were considered the most powerful, although, the kingdom ruled by the Aldenbourgians would prevail.

The Aldenbourgians/Aldenbourgers descended from the settlers that chose to pillage neighbouring states, during this period of Aldenbourgian history they would conquer the lesser states that surrounded them, as is the way of surviving during this era. They effectively conquered all of Aldenbourg in the 1000s due to their crueller nature, although eventually they would adopt the Christian faith and chose not to fight or subjugate but to defend and care. The Knights of the Eisenordnung of the Aldenbourgian Kingdom were considered one of the best warriors in the early history of Aldenbourg.

The Bavasians were a race of proud people that hailed from the southern parts of today's State of Bavasia. The Bavasians were the first group of Germans in the region to adopt the Christian faith and believed they were destined to conquer most of medieval Aldenbourg. They descended from the settlers that chose to farm, and so they had a relatively large population during the era. Their military was not to be underestimated though, because of the large population they organised a large yet unprofessional, conscript army. They managed to repel the Aldenbourgian skirmishes but, however, during the Aldenbourgian Invasions of the 1200s, they were soundly defeated.

The Sturggen were the earliest settlers of Aldenbourg, they settled the southern coastal area of Aldenbourg in the 290s AD. They were a primarily maritime culture and traded with various states that settled near the Piscary Sea, they controlled the Dübenz River, which was considered vital to the Sturggen peoples. The Sturggen kingdom was rich due to their commerce and was one the greatest kingdoms of medieval Aldenbourg until it was invaded by the northerners in the 1100s.

Pagan religions were common during this era since it was passed down by the heretic Germans in the 300s. The Bavasian Kingdom, however, was the first group of peoples to convert to Christianity. Originally they adopted Levantine Christianity but reformed the religion a bit and created Bavasian Christianity, which was less conservative by their standards.

Aldenbourgian Supremacy (1000 AD- 1200 AD):

The Aldenbourgians of the north descended from the Germanic settlers that moved further north and founded the Aldenbourgian Landgraviate, the legendary Eroberer House would rule this mighty kingdom until in 1783 when the last king died without an heir. For reasons unknown, the king was not permitted to pass the crown to his siblings, cousins, or close relatives. The Aldenbourgians were considered savages and pagans by the Bavasian kingdom of the south, while the northerners believed the Bavasians were cowards and traitors of traditional Germanic rituals. The Aldenbourgians would nonetheless convert to Christianity. Over the course of at least two centuries, the Aldenbourgians, through means of ruthlessness and malevolence, managed to conquer most of the region. The Bavasians managed to repel most attacks, the Sturggen and most lesser states did not stand a chance.

After subjugating the Sturggen, Bavasians, and other peoples, they eventually converted to Bavasian Christianity which was renamed to the Kirche des Königs and after centuries, in 2030, Dermont would rename it as Aldenbourgian Christianity. The small Islamic minority from Unistan were largely oppressed.

The number of coasts acquired by the Aldenbourgians was disappointing, they tried to push westwards but failed. After countless failed invasions of the west, they eventually gave up.

Northern Expeditions (1210 AD- 1390 AD):

The north was a frigid, cold, desolate place filled to the brim with mountains. However, most Aldenbourgian kings believed behind them was fertile land with an abundant amount of gold. Eroberer kings sent countless expeditions to the north, most never came back, although, those who did had no gold or silver in their pockets. The kings were persistent and continued to send expeditions, until 1390 when they stopped and eventually they realised it was not worth it. A couple of centuries later these expeditions would continue, although, they did not come for gold but for oil and land.

Southwestern Expeditions (1398 AD - 1400 AD; 1587 AD - 1601 AD):

The Aldenbourgian populace rumoured of gold and silver in the Southwest, and the government was interested. The first expedition was commanded by King Georg II in 1399, he was killed, however. After the king was killed, the kingdom vowed not to send any more expeditions. Until on 1587, when an explorer, Gerhard von Nitzer, came back with gold and silver. The kingdom continued to send the expeditions and eventually drove out the nomads. They later annexed it.

Early Modern Era and Abolition of Feudalism (1500s AD - 1800s AD):

Since 400, Feudalism had been a way of life in Aldenbourg since the Eroberers ruled the nation. However, after the last Eroberer king died without an heir, the current government created the Elector Senate, a powerful institution meant to elect kings and/or pass new laws. The Elector Senate's first decree was to abolish Feudalism, as it was cruel and inhumane. And the descendants of serfs and peasants were given money as compensation. For now, Aldenbourg was an elective monarchy and not a hereditary one. This institution, however, was plagued with corruption. The first elected king ruled for 70 years and forced the Elector Senate to extend the term length to 60 years. Almost all of the elected kings were nobles instead of common folk, although, this did not bother the populace as they witnessed hundreds of centuries being ruled by an all-powerful king.

In the 1700s and 1800s, Aldenbourg witnessed a golden age, even greater than the golden age brought by past Eroberer kings. The currency was more valuable, industrialisation began, and the military grew. Overall, it was a good time to be alive in Aldenbourg.

Read factbook

Aivintis wrote:What's ArenaC have to do with it?

i have to do with it in the name of gay rights, my friend

ArenaC wrote:i have to do with it in the name of gay rights, my friend

Did you break your promise to stop drinking pop?

hello mateys what be goin on

Shavara wrote:Not saying that I actually think this, but you and Republoslavia seem to be the same person.

What? Absolutely not, by what logic explanations?

Kurikia wrote:Say sike right now

I was only joking

Kurikia wrote:I advise you stop Before I forcibly add you to the Empire

Ok, i don't want to be annexed

And why is the wfe talking about windows defender?

lol i have no idea

i tell you what i picked the crappiest name lol

i have no idea what issues are is their something wrong with the game

Hey guys. Im new here. Im exicted to start playing. Any tips for new blood like me?

no not really ive recently joined myself and ive only realized that the issues are part of the game lol

The New Utrechtians wrote:Hey guys. Im new here. Im exicted to start playing. Any tips for new blood like me?

Hey there!

Join our The East Pacific Server:

We will have people who can help you. At this time of the day, Discord is slightly more active than RMB.

The New Utrechtians wrote:Hey guys. Im new here. Im exicted to start playing. Any tips for new blood like me?

welcome (btw im not a representative)

Just dont break the rules and u are fine , you can play how you want , you can be active in the chat or not you can decide that , and if there are any questions The Veteran players will or the norms like me will answer them

(Btw are you from the Netherlands?)

Blah-blah wrote:hello mateys what be goin on

The New Utrechtians wrote:Hey guys. Im new here. Im exicted to start playing. Any tips for new blood like me?

Hola youngins. Welcome to NS and TEP

Here are your first steps

Join the WA: page=un

Endorse Libertanny our delegate and leader

Endorse me if u feel like it

Look at the play maps we have:

Hello, thank you for considering the use of this dispatch to assist someone with the maps. However, this format was used in the creation of a more detailed version here.

This has been a public service announcement from your favorite Jar Jar spammer, Stellar Colonies. Thank you.


LinkImportant Info for TEP Forums
[spoiler=Urth / TEP Evolved (TEP Forums)]
LinkTEP Evolved


Rules for RMB RP, please read this.

[spoiler=Valsora (TEP RMB)]

LinkValsora Discord


[spoiler=Courisla (TEP RMB)]

[spoiler=Windsor 2.0 (TEP RMB)]
LinkWindsor Discord


[spoiler=Terra (TEP RMB)]



If you discover an error (wrong Discord link, missing dispatch for a map, etc.), would like to suggest an addition, or have another question or comment regarding this dispatch, feel free to send a quick telegram.

Read dispatch

But wait.. there's more!

If u're pedantic and want a LOT MORE information this will satisfy your party-pooping cravings:

TEP Forum RP
LinkImportant Information for TEP Forums

Regional Message Board (RMB) RP
Rules for RMB RP, please read this.

Historic/Retired Roleplay Maps
Just because no one is currently active on them doesn't mean they aren't a part of TEP's culture! Some of them may be revived, and they serve as an exhibit of what once was.

The original dispatch was deleted by its owner, Plazland.

An older version of the ongoing Valsora map.

Alternate History Maps
Created by a single player, these maps are examples of other forms of storytelling in TEP.

Original Dispatch Credit: Stellar
Edited by: Evrigenis

Read dispatch

Here's a general guide to the nature of each map, and what you'll experience if u join

Urth is very slow and on the TEP forums, which is a separate site

Valsora is old and slow but if you want to be sure to have a long game life for your nation, it's the ticket. It also has the most war, usually

Windsor is somewhat like a text version of Civikization 5. Economics, diplomacy and politics is more in depth than Valsora, and war isn't as frequent

Courisia is an older version of Windsor

Other than these, you can answer the issues that pop up. Depending on your answers, your nation's stats change and the kind of fictional country you want to build is modified

Note that NS issues are not that serious. You can answer an issue seriously and get ridiculous results. Just take it as a joke, chuckle and continue answering : )

The other things people do are:

1. create worlds (history, religion, technology, civilizations, etc) for your fictional nation and states, cities and people
2. create national or region flags, emblems, countryballs, anthems, poetry, comics or art that's related to your imagined nations
3. create short stories, longer stories
4. create a map
5. make jokes and troll people (my job! MINE!)
6. worship the Lord of the Blessed Corn and be forever enriched with popcorn

Here are the 5 cardinal rules:

1. Don't triple post (posting 3 times in a row). Double posting is okay, but not recommended. After you make a post, do check the RMB (the place where you're reading this) and wait for someone else to post. Then make your next post

2a. No advertisements for regions. This region is TEP, and we use the [region][/region] tag like The East Pacific. Don't

2b. No advertising for sites. You can post imgur images or Youtube links and so on, but don't go 'Oh, this site is awesome! You have to join' and then link us to your uncle's fairly-illegal questionably-human-rights-violating sweatshop

3. Don't directly insult people or seriously troll to truly hurt or offend people. Trolling should be done in a fun, joking manner (if you want to know more, sign up for my Trolling 101 class on Udemy)

4. Don't spam with meaningless posts

5. Don't make sexual references

If you follow these rules, you'll have lots of time to learn rest as u go. Have fun!

cheers matey but whats a jar jar spammer

under a pale hood of sky is it just a spammer or som'in

it was pale in the eye and now i feel so dunned lol

Blah-blah wrote:cheers matey but whats a jar jar spammer

under a pale hood of sky is it just a spammer or som'in

Use the 'Quote' button on anyone's post, to reply directly to them. Or we'll be stuck guessing who you're talking to.

And it makes u look like u dunno what you're doing

I dunno what a 'jar jar' spammer it, but I'm guessing it's someone making nonsensical messages about the annoying character from Star Wars.

Or mebbe its Stellar Colonies one of ur old beloved nations who has a very famous Jar Jar-based character : )

Dreamersistan wrote: but I'm guessing it's someone making nonsensical messages about the annoying character from Star Wars.

Or mebbe its Stellar Colonies one of ur old beloved nations who has a very famous Jar Jar-based character : )

ahh matey jar jars the best hes added for no reason but ye know


Blah-blah wrote:ahh matey jar jars the best hes added for no reason but ye know

: )

It's just Stellar's form of a bit of craic

If ure from Ireland, top of the mornin to u

And if ure not top of the disembowelling-cutlasses-lying-in-wait

Have fun, take it slow, ask the other experienced folk if u ever have doubt

Ciao ciao, Cao Cao

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