by Max Barry

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The Fattest Citizens in South Pacific

World Census takers tracked the sale of Cheetos and Twinkies to ascertain which nations most enjoyed the "kind bud."

As a region, South Pacific is ranked 9,949th in the world for Fattest Citizens.

NationWA CategoryMotto
1.The Holy Empire of Aspen ParkFather Knows Best State“From Many, One”
2.The Union Republic of DensanerIron Fist Consumerists“Tyrants fall in every foe.”
3.The Pervasive Microplastics of South Pacific Garbage PatchCapitalist Paradise“Dirty or dingy or dusty / ragged or rotten or rusty”
4.The Empire of AmericatainCapitalizt“I'm a nurse killer, a banker, and now I'm raising taxes”
5.The Republic of New Llane HomanMoralistic Democracy“God, Homeland, Liberty”
6.The Republic of R your forgiveness Jim Day will take youFather Knows Best State“R your forgiveness Jim Day will take you”
7.The Windy Kingdom of Noxious AirIron Fist Consumerists“Beans, beans, they're good for the heart....”
8.The Republic of Hiva OaAnarchy“Liberty and Equality”
9.The Free Land of KarpaxRight-wing Utopia“God, country, revolution, unity.”
10.The Principality of VurmanikCapitalist Paradise“You Can't Stop Progress”
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