by Max Barry

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The Fattest Citizens in the Pacific

World Census takers tracked the sale of Cheetos and Twinkies to ascertain which nations most enjoyed the "kind bud."

As a region, the Pacific is ranked 12,608th in the world for Fattest Citizens.

NationWA CategoryMotto
1.The Rogue Nation of MomstononistanIron Fist Consumerists“Better to overreact, than to regret it later.”
2.The NPO High Inquisitor of MyrthCompulsory Consumerist State“You may all stop clapping at the ringing of the bell.”
3.The DOMA🎌IN of VIVIENFather Knows Best State“G👏G👏”
4.The Dictatorship of Overdosed crackheadsPsychotic Dictatorship“Obey or die”
5.The Kingdom of YellingtonIron Fist Consumerists“We will crush anyone who stands in our path!”
6.The Social Darwinist Imperium of The Ascendant HivePsychotic Dictatorship“What Crota began, I complete. My will... conquers all!”
7.The Holy Empire of Sons of Shub-NiggurathIron Fist Consumerists“Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl agl fhtagn”
8.The Endless Flight of NullityCapitalist Paradise“Dream till the night dies”
9.The Most Serene and Holy Empire of Al MutwakkilFather Knows Best State“الجشع جيد”
10.The NS Whale Hunters of Stevist GuamMoralistic Democracy“For Steve!”
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