by Max Barry

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Heaven World Census

The Fattest Citizens in Heaven

World Census takers tracked the sale of Cheetos and Twinkies to ascertain which nations most enjoyed the "kind bud."

As a region, Heaven is ranked 17,799th in the world for Fattest Citizens.

NationWA CategoryMotto
1.The Buns of NunsFather Knows Best State“Ain't nobody gonna mess with the Jesus”
2.The Holy Empire of CamaelCapitalist Paradise“Divine Justice Be Done.”
3.The Morning Star of All the Angels SingFather Knows Best State“All the angels sing because you're gonna die!”
4.The Angel of Castiel-Scandinavian Liberal Paradise“Angels are warriors of God. Im a soldier.”
5.The Most Serene Republic of Elwood P DowdScandinavian Liberal Paradise“Have you met my friend Harvey?”
6.The Memorial of Elisa LamInoffensive Centrist Democracy“Mottos”
7.The Theocracy of No Way YahwehIron Fist Consumerists“Et nomine patri”
8.The Holy Empire of Lord God HimselfCorrupt Dictatorship“Peace be unto you and you. But not you.”
9.The Palace of GbadoliteFather Knows Best State“Gbadolite”
10.The Kingdom of God in HeavenFather Knows Best State“Fidel Saved More Christians Than Jesus”