KarmaBoard

So there we were, me and Bob, the Third of his name, sailing down some river in Madagascar on a raft he had made only hours before, out of wood from a tree he cut down with his two bare hands. We were on track to find the one and only map in the world that could show us the location of the fortune left by his great-great-grandfather, Bob, the First of his name. He was a great explorer, known for finding things no other could, such as the many shreds of burnt paper from the fire in Alexandria, or some actually edible food in the fridge of the Bob household.

*I lean in to whisper.*
(You know he was legendary when he could rival Bob, the Second of her name, the mother of Bob, the Third of his name.)

*I sit back up.*
But, more important than that: that 💸DOUGH💸
And I'd say it's a good reward for the then 3 years we had spent, slaving away to find the inheritance that Bob, the Third of his name, had so righteously deserved. Anyway, in the middle of our little tropical rafting trip---

BOOM!
*I lunge forward.*
A lion leaps out of the endless green of the Madagascan rain forest, tackling Bob, the Third of his name!
*I lean back, almost falling off the log.*
After successfully pinning the lion down, Bob, the Third of his name asked the shocking question: "Alex the lion! What the hell are you doing on my raft!?" That's right, Bob, the Third of his name, knew this lion. In fact, this would not be his first encounter with this ferocious beast. It, and his dad, used to be partners.

Before me, him, and all this great-great-grandfather fortune stuff, they were a team who explored the most vast locations of this Earth. Y'know the scatters of burnt papyrus I mentioned that Bob, the First of his name, had found? Truthfully, it was his lion named Alex who sniffed these otherwise discarded pieces of history out from under the rubble of the Great Library. You may wonder how this seemingly otherworldly duo could have found each other, but that is a story for another day, my friend. More importantly, Alex became a family pet, passed down from Bob, the First of his name, down to Bob, the Second of her name, then down to the man himself: Bob, the Third of his name.

*I lean back in, further this time.*
But, it was different. For no reason obvious to the Bob family, Alex did not take any semblance of kindness to Bob, the Third of his name. Throughout their shared lives together, they had many moments of violent attacks towards one another. One time, Alex went as far as to force feed Bob, the Third of his name, weird-ass shrimp that Bob, the First of his name, had brought back from an adventure somewhere in Asia... probably Korea.

Anyway, that rivalry has festered all of their lives, and THAT is what lead to this violent encounter with Alex the Lion. Before answering the question asked by Bob, the Third of his name, Alex bit down on his arm and threw him overboard, leaving me to fend for myself with that monstrous lion snarling and growling as it slowly approached me. In a panic, I snapped off one of the twigs that made up the expertly-crafted raft, wincing from ruining such a beauty of engineering. Nonetheless, I cowardly curled up on the other corner of the raft, pointing my feeble twig at Alex the Lion. Unsurprisingly, it was no use, as after only a minute, Alex had pinned me to the base of the raft, drooling on my face as it looked down upon me. I swear I could see it licking its lips. I was doomed.

I flinched as Alex the Lion's face met mine, waiting for it to decapitate me brutally. But then, as a miracle only Bob, the Third of his name, could preform, he leaped out from the water like the gorgeous merman he was, once again tackling Alex, saving my life. This time, however, Bob, the Third of his name, wouldn't go down. As an act of revenge, Bob, the Third of his name, took the weird-ass shrimp he had saved from that fateful day for a moment like this. Next thing you know, Bob, the Third of his name, shoves the shrimp down the throat of Alex the lion in the same was done to him. After minutes of flailing around, Alex escaped the grasp of Bob, the Third of his name, fleeing away back into the green void he had come from.

In celebration, we made out so romantically that it felt as if there were fireworks bursting in the skies of the firework-less rain forest.

*After I finish my story, I finally blow out the fire that formed on the now melting marshmallow I had left unattended leaning over the fire on a stick.*