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Bad news, Brian: it is. Welcome to Hell. May the dark lords bless your endevours now that you have realized the truth
Hurricanes knock out the south and east coast. Then out of nowhere the sun will unleash a powerful magnetic storm messing up the internet for millions. Then, to heck with it, death of the firstborn for the fourth of July, thanks Jesus. <---- (take away this cat's immortality!!!! Go home Jesus. You're drunk.)
*hurdles little meese across the road*
Trump announces his co-God YHWH has instructed him to deflower and ritually sacrifice seven virgins on July 4, 2020 on the steps of St. John’s Espiscopal Church.
Fox News has been contracted to acquire the hallowed sacrificial virgins. “No horse-faced tubby pimple faced hogs,”Trump said Only the Best for this Great Nation America and its Greatest President Me,”.
“I AM THE LAW AND ORDER, VIRGIN DEFLOERING, COFEFE EATING, ALLY OF ALL REDHAT WEARING PEFULL PROTTERS, AND THE. HOSEN ONE!
When asked if these sacrifices will cure this nation of COVID-19, Trump said, “ Many people, they ask me, how come you come up with such beautiful ideas? It’s amazing what you know.”
“cure Cofefevid 19? What do you had to lose? If nothing else it will break up another boring day and that’s very very good. Besides my co-God likes that kind of thing. He keeps telling me, Donald, sir, your the Son Inshould have had, not that paddy who let a bunch of ssshulls nail him to a stick. You would have kicked butt!,
Cianlandia, New vedan, Demonos, Cossack Peoples, and 1 otherO nerds
He is making american great. We will go back to leave it to beaver times.
lets all watch some power rangers. https://www.twitch.tv/tokusatsutv
Funkadelia has sunk. They exist as a former nation.
Developer Elections Announcement:
The votes are in and the developer can be announced. While both candidates fought valiantly, Snoodum has come out the winner. Congratulations, and speaking as Internal Manager, I look forward to working with you. To The marsupial, I'm very pleased you chose to run. Wanting to participate in government is admirable.
Oh and I hope you all enjoy your days.
Snoodum, Demonos, Kingdom of Napels, and Debussy
How many people voted for me?
Snoodum and Honeydewistania
What do you call an ideology that is in process,
demo-cracy
:D
Thank you for this opportunity, I hope to live up to all expectations! To Marsupial, thank you for your competition, if you have any ideas you wanted to implement, please feel free to telegram me and I can go about setting them up, crediting you for the ideas of course!
Demonos, Honeydewistania, Mzeusia, and Inceptio
Treadwellia, New vedan, Snoodum, Mzeusia, and 1 otherThe Canine Race
Thank you so much! I am very excited.
Mzeusia, The Canine Race, and Keen trident
Justin Jautin is back at the presses of The Snudgeskoooge's Palace Herald again! Welcome him back!
16/Skoodune/4041
The Health Minister, Sir Baersrik Kepran, after vehemently asking to be interviewed had this to say to our Home Affairs Correspondent, Keran Furia: ‘To such men as those political prisoners in Fyyrig prison who supported the terror attacks, I ask them to reconsider their loyalties. Prison, being lovely as it is, can turn ugly. Very ugly when the guards have no qualms with applying proper justice. Yes, you heard me right. Just keep your eyes peeled, that’s all I’m saying.’
The new measures, having been implemented to speed the searching of the nation, are as follows:
Stay inside at all times unless going shopping or to public spaces such as parks or gyms for leisure purposes.
Comply with all police, government and military personnel to the fullest and best of your abilities as decided by the police or military officers and government officials.
If anyone breaks the above demands, Fyyrig prison will be your new home. These measures are to ensure the safety of Snoodum and of Snoodians for the foreseeable future.
May we civilise the world with an iron fist.
Mzeusia and Kingdom of Napels
Hello other country’s of the Lazurus
Treadwellia, Demonos, and Mzeusia
Hello.
Snoodum, Debussy, and The Canine Race
Thank you so much!
Glorious society and The Canine Race
I have completed the next installment in Snudgeskooge's story! Hooray! I hope all are comfortable and have some refreshments at hand. If any wish to start from the beginning, then read from the bottom with 'Coup in New Rogernomics', then 'Terrorism', then 'Aftershock meeting' and finally, 'Speech!'. Oh and you'll all be happy to know, this latest one doesn't have any new names to struggle pronouncing!
Knowing the cameras were zooming in on him now and the journalists had ad libbed for a few minutes now, Snudgeskooge smiled and waved.
‘Friends,’ he began. ‘People, men, women and children of Snoodum. To all of those with Snoodian blood in their veins, Snoodian air in their lungs and Snoodian ideals in their hearts, today is a day of national mourning. Mourning for those lost, for the family we, gathered here now, either in person, listening on the radio or watching from the TVs, have lost in the senseless acts of the last couple weeks.
However, I am certain, my fellow Snoodians, that you have not lost hope! You have not and will not step aside to watch terror and chaos end untold thousands more lives. You have gathered here, and all over this great country to come together in support of, and to express unity with, this government. Together, and only as one can we move forward stronger and with greater purpose!
I stand here now, to address you all with a candour many outside this great nation do not associate with us. An honesty only few know I possess. I say this because now is not the time to shrink from such truths, it is the time to acknowledge and recognise those truths with bold action and decisive new measures!
We have been hurt. The nation is hurting, our infrastructure is damaged, and the terrorists are still at large! However, do not fear. The military, police and intelligence services, as many, I am sure have started to realise, are conducting wide sweeping searches in the hunt for these sub-humans that dare to threaten our way of life! We have been injured but what must we do now!? Why, we must rise again! Rise again and bear arms against such threats! Such underhanded, dishonourable and cowardly tactics!
Do not despair, my family, for we will endure! We will thrive again and shall prosper once more! It is my firm belief that the only thing we need fear is fear itself! I implore you all, command you all, not to fear! Fear is the killer of progress, of strength, of betterment. And we shall move past these attacks with determination, unity and comradeship at the fore of minds and beating strongly in our hearts! Fear, I tell you now, should be cast aside for the insidious paralyser it is! We must convert the instinct of retreat into one of advance! One of moving forward, out of these dark hours to a country, a world, a Snoodum, made better by our collective efforts: the efforts of every single one of you!
I am convinced that you all before me, through myriad media, will give your undying support, renewed vigour, and unceasing commitment to this government in its efforts to stamp out the terrorists that struck at our hearts! I am assuredly confident that each of you will understand the need for cooperation, alertness and resolve, both of mind and of body in these coming months. We face our common difficulties together! Greater security will be needed, increased surveillance and monitoring will be implemented, and martial law will continue indefinitely!
Our difficulties that we face were not brought on by our values, our beliefs or our way of life! They were not brought on by our laws, our government or it’s people! They were not brought on by you, or me or any of us together! They were brought on by the scraps of sub-humanity that dwell in the depths of this nation’s forests, mountains and fields. They were brought on by the weasels, the rats and the flies of this country! The savage monsters who wish to do us harm! Though their aims are to bring us to our knees, Snoodians do not kneel! We kneel for no man, no ideology, no religion but ourselves! Good, honest, hard-working Snoodians, I call on you now to be vigilant, be aware and be ready for renewed assaults on our nation. We are not through these dark days though I promise you, we shall prevail!
Recognition of these truths, that we, true Snoodians are strong, are as one and are striving for a better, safer Snoodum, can only help us in these storm-ridden times ahead! Recognition of the facts that those who do us harm know little of our way of life, cannot and will not understand us and only seek to destroy and undermine this nation, can only help us in our quest for a more secure tomorrow with more power and greater stability! On these truths, must we act! Act with direct action, action untainted by lethargy or inefficiency, action unsoiled by distrust or disunity! On this, I shall deliver without hesitation or deviation, without delay and without doubt!
We, as an immense army of people, alike in our ideas and our values, should dedicate ourselves to a disciplined, highly coordinated, attack on the terrorists, through means innumerable and with heads high and voices loud! Snoodum calls out for retribution, for retaliation and for strong leadership! We shall answer her call, as only we can!’
The cheers exploded from the awaiting crowds, as Snudgeskooge held his raised fist in the air a few seconds longer. His heart was thumping in his chest, a feeling he felt sure was mirrored by everyone down below. Sir Noerak Faersier clapped a hand on his back, smiling at him from his peripheral vision. Hats were being thrown down below, babies hoisted, and whistles and shouts and cheers echoed off the flagstones and surrounding stone buildings. Everyone was awash with emotion and hope!
Snudgeskooge stumbled backwards, one of the secret service agents catching him, as Sir Baersrik Kepran fell where the God-Emperor had been moments before. It took a few seconds for the crowd to realise something was going on. They stopped cheering and, now near silent, heard the shot as it broke the sound barrier.
Bang!
Snudgeskooge felt a sharp pain in his chest as blood blossomed, staining his military uniform. He was picked up bodily by the agent who had him is her arms and shielded from any more incoming fire as the CIGS, Health Minister, Domestic Influences Principal Minister and secret service personnel quickly retreated inside the palace. The second shot was heard, as the sound travelled to his ears after the bullet had struck.
Bang!
Snudgeskooge felt himself lowered to the floor as the secret service agent took off her jacket and pressed it to the wound. The other agent did the same to Baersrik. Sir Deanron Kreaunik was shouting and pointing. ‘Medics! We need medics! Get stretchers in here!’
Paramedics spilled into the room from next door and the agent who had carried him was speaking rapidly. ‘God-Emperor, I’m here. You’re going to be okay. Just talk, keep talking to me.’
‘Have,’ Snudgeskooge coughed. ‘that man arrested.’ He coughed again, spitting blood to the side. ‘The Director…uhh…of the Home Division of Imperial.’ Snudgeskooge clenched his fist against the pain as he coughed again. ‘Snoodian Intelligence arrested.’
‘Of Course, Your Divine Imperial Majesty.’ The agent said, unwilling to question the God-Emperor for fear he’d get angrier.
A paramedic jabbed a needle into Snudgeskooge’s arm and a second later, he was lifted onto a stretcher. ‘Try to stay calm, Sir, that’ll help reduce your heart rate though I’ve just given you something to aid in that.’
Snudgeskooge nodded and coughed out a thanks. ‘It’s hard to breath,’ he told the man. ‘my guess is a perforated lung.’
The paramedic nodded, as he ran alongside the stretcher being carried by two more paramedics. ‘Well, we’ll find the extent of the damage in the theatre, Sir.’
‘That’s God-Emperor,’ he broke off into a short coughing fit. ‘Snudgeskooge, His Divine Imperial Majesty to you.’ The God-Emperor sputtered. He turned to Noerak, who was running alongside him on the other side. ‘I want CCTV on for the operations. He stopped to prevent himself from coughing blood. ‘And bring Illidia down too. Everyone else at the meeting needs to be there.’
‘Your Divine Imperial Majesty, why would—'
‘Noerak, I’m asking you, one human to another, to give the footage to The Herald. Even if I…don’t make it,’ Snudgeskooge fought back another cough. ‘hand over the footage. They’ll know what to do.’
‘Sir, You shouldn’t need to martyr yourself to—’
‘I don’t intend to do that, Noerak, just be ready in case the Monarchs see fit that I join them. Illidia can take over and I trust you will look after her.’
Noerak nodded grim-faced. ‘Yes Sir, I—’
‘Keep the crowd in the square. Have police and the army maintain order and,’ A longer fit of more violent coughing took hold of the God-Emperor. ‘livestream the operations to the TV’s outside. I want everyone following along. This is the news now, Noerak, I don’t want anything else playing on the radio or TV.’ He coughed once more. ‘The Internet takes you straight to the footage and you can’t click away. It is everyone’s national duty—’
‘What are you saying, Sir!?’
‘Do it Noerak. As your God-Emperor, I order you, as your friend, I beseech you, as Snoodum’s head of state, I make the decision for us all,’ Snudgeskooge raised his hand in anticipation of a cough that didn’t come. ‘to livestream the operation.’
The theatre doors burst open and the palace changed from the beautiful, intricately decorated walls, celling and floor to the stark, sterile and sanitary whites, light blues and greys of the operating room. Through the glass in the viewing chamber, Snudgeskooge could see his government gathered, with more officials coming in and standing to watch the operation. The surgeon looked down at him, eyes betraying a mind on a mission, a mission so important as to have the power to change world history. ‘We’re putting you under now, Snudgeskooge.’ The man breathed deeply from his oxygen mask and the world blackened.
I regret to inform you all that Henry the moose died this morning due to organ failure. We'll be holding a service in memory of him later the evening. Please attend and wear your best clothes.
Of course.... moose stew will be served after.
Treadwellia, Snoodum, Demonos, Austria-hungarian alliance, and 3 othersAshoy, Loftegen 3, and Keen trident
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