by Max Barry

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«12. . .4,0294,0304,0314,0324,0334,0344,035. . .5,0515,052»

The ambassadorial province of ur wrote:Also for the cat blood versus dog blood debate, I prefer cow blood.

I prefer that all blood stay inside of the circulatory system or the culinary dish de jour. That way I don't have to clean it up. Sheesh, what am I, the janitor or something? ...

Ah, never mind. Nothing to see here. Keep moving.

Howard beale

Zombie Penguins wrote:*Brings over a Romulan ale* We have it, it just took some time to find.

Hey, Dollystana. All ads require you buy a drink first.

*buys drink*

Brocklandia wrote:Hmm. That explains the "rotten eggs" smell. And here I thought Cheffy was just using rotten eggs ... which would be an improvement over the usual ingredients, come to thing of it.

Speaking of which, are you in the market for exotic matter? Such as this odd green glowing substance that fell on the planet, presumably from outer space.

Mindon wrote:Speaking of which, are you in the market for exotic matter? Such as this odd green glowing substance that fell on the planet, presumably from outer space.

Wow, you're right--that odd glowing green stuff is very sexy ...

Wait. You said "exotic"? Dang it--I was one letter off.

Brocklandia wrote:Wow, you're right--that odd glowing green stuff is very sexy ...

Wait. You said "exotic"? Dang it--I was one letter off.

We used to sell this stuff to Global Chemical Unlimited, and I think a subsidiary of their’s, Wacky Products Industries, made a toy with it.

Mindon wrote:We used to sell this stuff to Global Chemical Unlimited, and I think a subsidiary of their’s, Wacky Products Industries, made a toy with it.

Nothing has worked right since Global Chemical Unlimited bought out ACME Products of Walla Walla, Washington and fired their spokesman, Wile E. Coyote.

Howard beale

Brocklandia wrote:Nothing has worked right since Global Chemical Unlimited bought out ACME Products of Walla Walla, Washington and fired their spokesman, Wile E. Coyote.

Yeah, can’t believe Acme’s CEO Beep Beep the Roadrunner sold the company to them. Anyway, back to selling you dangerous and possibly illegal materials. Perhaps you would be interested in Compound Foxtrot-41?

Howard beale

Mindon wrote:Yeah, can’t believe Acme’s CEO Beep Beep the Roadrunner sold the company to them. Anyway, back to selling you dangerous and possibly illegal materials. Perhaps you would be interested in Compound Foxtrot-41?

What is it with you people and highly dangerous and illegal materials. I’ll take a vial of it for research.

Howard beale wrote:What is it with you people and highly dangerous and illegal materials. I’ll take a vial of it for research.

Sure, I’ll give it to you for my aide’s decapitated head.

Howard beale

Jehovahs witness

The Witness stirs from their nap and chuckles, looking around for any poetry entries.

Well, 'tis Monday. And I see the entries.... Now time for the harsh judging.

Brocklandia, you haven't submitted any poems per se, but I can hear the racket you make even from beyond the dreamwaste, so I'll give you third and second place. You should really drink more grapefuit juice, however. And work on your baritone.

PR Megaforce wrote:Background explosions!
Standing still after morphing.
Boom! Ka-blam! Bang!

I see you went for a referential poem, while still maintaining the theme of loud noises. However, you left out the obnoxiously loud orchestral swell, and a variety of other artifacts of audio. Nevertheless, it is a fine haiku, so congrats to PR Megaforce for winning with the only poem actually submitted!

Mindon wrote:Yeah, can’t believe Acme’s CEO Beep Beep the Roadrunner sold the company to them. Anyway, back to selling you dangerous and possibly illegal materials. Perhaps you would be interested in Compound Foxtrot-41?

Sure, I like foxes. Send us a couple of metric tons. What, uhm, does it do exactly?

Howard beale

Jehovahs witness wrote:Brocklandia, you haven't submitted any poems per se, but I can hear the racket you make even from beyond the dreamwaste, so I'll give you third and second place. You should really drink more grapefuit juice, however. And work on your baritone.

Oh, gasp of purest surprise and ecstasy! Sometimes silence is my entry--and for this I win Third and Second Place? Thanks you, and I'll make sure the wire transfer of funds is completed to your offshore bank account promptly. I'd hug you, but ... Uhm, good judging, bro-ski!

Zombie Penguins, Jehovahs witness, and Howard beale

'BOOM" goes the room
after the explosion happend
Caused by me

Jehovahs witness

Dollystana wrote:*buys drink*

*Pours a glass of non-specified drink*

Congratulations PR Megaforce for winning by default. You have the option of judging the next contest. Let us know.

*A zombie moves The suspicious corner to somewhere less suspicious*

Zombie Penguins wrote:Congratulations PR Megaforce for winning by default. You have the option of judging the next contest. Let us know.

Thanks. I guess that's the easiest way to win. I'll just go with freeform poems.

Show

Post by Awerbar suppressed by Brocklandia.

Last day to sign up!!!

Race to the South Pole
Sponsored by: Awerbar

Your Nation has decided to join in the annual dog sled race to the South Pole. The route follows the historical trail paved by the first men to reach the bottom of the earth. Starting from where the first Antarctic Expeditions ship got trapped in ice on the Ronne Ice Shelf the course follows a 700 mile trail that ends at the International Antarctic Research Station near the pole.

How the Competition will work:

The Race will be played for 30 rounds (30 days) or until all racers have finished the race or dropped out
Average speed will be 50 miles a day
Distance per day can change based on 4 factors, Dogs, Sled, Supplies, and Environment

The factors change daily by the roll of 4 20 sided die

Certain Rolls on the die could end in being unable to continue the race. (Ex: rolling a 0 on sled and a 0 on supplies could mean that you break a runner on your sled and don’t have enough spare parts to fix it.)
Each person also receives 20 free points worth of *experience and training* that they can distribute among the 4 categories. (Ex: 0/20 +10 for dogs, 0/20 +7 for sled, 0/20 +3 for supplies, 0/20 +0 for Environment)

The higher the roll the better the run. However, some high roll situations may not be the best. (Ex: 18 +5 for dogs, 20+10 for supplies, 15+5 for Environment, 17+0 for Sled. Your Dogs are rested and ready to go, you have plenty of supplies, actually you have overstocked on supplies and your sled is heavier than usual. Instead of the runners skimming the top of the thin fresh and sticky layer of snow, the runners cut into it and the snow sticks to the skid. This creates more drag than intended and it slows you down. Lose 5 miles.)

Registration for this event ends on June 30th, to register send a telegram to awerbar that includes your starting points distribution.

Daily Race Updates will be posted on the Nordic Territories RMB daily (or whenever possible). Final Leaderboard will be posted on July 31st

The Rewards for this event will be 5 extra points to go towards then next event for first place, 3 points for second place, 1 point for third place

Registered Racers:
Awerbar 5,5,5,5 (NT)
Dollystana 7,3,3,7 (NT)
Empire of coolguy 7,6,3,4 (TN)
Local now news 7,6,3,4 (TN)
Mathuvan Union 7,2,3,8 (OZ)
Team Leo 12,4,2,2 (OZ)

Read dispatch

Awerbar wrote:Last day to sign up!!!

Not if you don't buy a drink first. Bar rules, clearly posted on the main page: Buy a drink before posting a dispatch or link.

Local now news

Brocklandia wrote:Sure, I like foxes. Send us a couple of metric tons. What, uhm, does it do exactly?

*takes out a document from briefcase* It should be written down right here.

Dangerous Compounds List

Compound-Zeta-12: Partially converts organic materials to sulfur, may result in vomiting or spitting fire. Possible antidote created by Howard beale.

Compound Foxtrot-42: Food Additive, increases energy and taste of food. Mildy mutative and addictive. Effects increase when consumed over time. Preventative Antidote created in Lab-96.

Compound 19-Green: Spicy Food Additive. Heavily mutative, mildly addictive. Created at Lab-8/9d-2 for Project [REDACTED]

Compound Ultraviolet-16: Mutagen, created by Lab-96 in were-animal analysis

Read factbook

Howard beale

Mindon wrote:*takes out a document from briefcase* It should be written down right here.
Dangerous Compounds List

Compound-Zeta-12: Partially converts organic materials to sulfur, may result in vomiting or spitting fire. Possible antidote created by Howard beale.

Compound Foxtrot-42: Food Additive, increases energy and taste of food. Mildy mutative and addictive. Effects increase when consumed over time. Preventative Antidote created in Lab-96.

Compound 19-Green: Spicy Food Additive. Heavily mutative, mildly addictive. Created at Lab-8/9d-2 for Project [REDACTED]

Compound Ultraviolet-16: Mutagen, created by Lab-96 in were-animal analysis

Read factbook

Wait ... you're trying to sell the Bar something that is only "mildly mutative"? No way! We serve only the strongest mutagens to our customers--they deserve only the best. (Actually they all deserve life sentences in Sing Sing Prison, but we work with what we can do.) We demand Compound Zeta 13 instead of 12, which hopefully fixes this mutational inadequacy.

Howard beale

Brocklandia wrote:Wait ... you're trying to sell the Bar something that is only "mildly mutative"? No way! We serve only the strongest mutagens to our customers--they deserve only the best. (Actually they all deserve life sentences in Sing Sing Prison, but we work with what we can do.) We demand Compound Zeta 13 instead of 12, which hopefully fixes this mutational inadequacy.

Compound Zeta 13 is just the main component of Wacky Products Incorporated’s Happy Fun Ball. It doesn’t have any mutative properties.

Howard beale

Mindon wrote:Compound Zeta 13 is just the main component of Wacky Products Incorporated’s Happy Fun Ball. It doesn’t have any mutative properties.

Then what use it is? Unless people who consume it start growing more tentacles and maybe the odd flipper or extra elbow, the interest value is gonna plummet like a Happy Fun Ball dropped from the top of a skyscraper.

Which ... actually sounds like fun. I wonder how much mayhem might result if one hurled a couple hundred superballs off the top of a skyscraper? I'll bet there's a YouTube channel devoted to that which I could sniff out.

Brocklandia wrote:Then what use it is? Unless people who consume it start growing more tentacles and maybe the odd flipper or extra elbow, the interest value is gonna plummet like a Happy Fun Ball dropped from the top of a skyscraper.

Which ... actually sounds like fun. I wonder how much mayhem might result if one hurled a couple hundred superballs off the top of a skyscraper? I'll bet there's a YouTube channel devoted to that which I could sniff out.

If you dropped a happy fun ball from a skyscraper, it wouldn’t go well. Anyway, I’ll have to check with the lab for what you’re looking for.

555-234: Hello?
Mindon: Is there any heavily mutative substance approved for public sale?
555-234: Checking... We found a few.
Mindon: Read off the first one.
555-234: Compound 19-Green. Created in Lab-8/9-2. Contains mutative properties and effects. Incredibly spicy, best used as experimental hot sauce.
Mindon: Alright, standby for further instructions.

Alright, I checked. There’s one I can sell you. Compound 19-Green.

Howard beale

Mindon wrote:Alright, I checked. There’s one I can sell you. Compound 19-Green.

We'll take two vats, please. After all, today is Taco Tuesday.

Howard beale

The ambassadorial province of ur

Brocklandia wrote:We'll take two vats, please. After all, today is Taco Tuesday.

We’re still very hungry from our long journey. Care to share?

Anacin and Howard beale

«12. . .4,0294,0304,0314,0324,0334,0344,035. . .5,0515,052»

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