by Max Barry

Latest Forum Topics

Advertisement

Wolfram and Hart RMB

WA Delegate: None.

Founder: Wolfram and hart founder

Last WA Update:

World Factbook Entry

Welcome to Wolfram and Hart, Attorneys at Law

Our firm has always been here in one form or another. The world doesn't work in spite of evil. It works with us. It works because of us.

Established in 2012, we are NationStates’ first and oldest law firm. We are committed to providing high-quality solutions for our clients. We achieve this through recruiting and developing high-calibre individuals throughout the firm.


About | Services | People | Careers | Contact us
Gameplay Forum Thread | Link Corporate Video



  1. 40

    Wolfram & Hart

    MetaReference by Wolfram and Hart . 881 reads.

Embassies: The NewsStand, The Doctor Who Universe, The Mystical Council, The Bar on the corner of every region, Gypsy Lands, The Great Universe, Hollow Point, Where the Wild Things Are, The Bunny Fire, Bus Stop, International sovereignty pact, Worldly Debate Region, Ebenezer, and Coin Collecting Club.

Tags: Fandom, Founderless, Minuscule, and Password.

Wolfram and Hart contains 3 nations.

ActivityHistoryAdministration

Today's World Census Report

The Largest Publishing Industry in Wolfram and Hart

The World Census tallied social media complaints from students regarding overpriced textbooks to determine which nations have the largest book publishing industries.

As a region, Wolfram and Hart is ranked 12,766th in the world for Largest Publishing Industry.

NationWA CategoryMotto
1.The Drow Queendom of ZreachMother Knows Best State“Arn Zareach´darn´Cathul za´Ylothan-Tyzr´d”
2.The Oppressed Peoples of Wolfram and Hart Crime Scene CleanersIron Fist Consumerists“Where's that mop?”
3.The Attorneys at Law of Wolfram and HartFather Knows Best State“Attorneys at Law”

Regional Happenings

More...

Wolfram and Hart Regional Message Board

Attorneys office wrote:Hi

Hello! The region's a bit dead just now - I'm doing more RL things (like laundry!)

Volitopia, Sagacious Phoenix, and VoVoDoCo

Obamacare, Medicare, and Medicaid. Some people support these programs without question. Others are skeptical, and would completely privatize them. What are your thoughts? What should tax payers value? Are there better alternatives?
At the very least, please vote here in the Worldly Debate Region. But remember, 9/10 doctors (from Marxist Debater anyway) recommend posting in another region's RMB to starve off scurvy. So make sure you do.

Read All About It! This Week:
- The Union Times declares War is Over
- Nothing is Getting Better, according to the Breakfast Courier
- The Commonwealth Times goes on the March
- Hell's Bells! - Cormac's soul laid bare

Get involved in a Healthy Debate
And it's 🍒🍓🍋🍍SLOTS🍈🍐 🍇🍑 at The Sands!

Sneaks in and leaves chocolate eggs, with a message reading "Happy Easter"

Greetings to NS's crack lawyering team! We're proud to announce the fresh publication of the fourth monthly issue of the Elparia Herald!

Elparia Herald Issue IV

by Elparia herald publisher

Roleplay News

Thumbnail of the map
We live in changing and turbulent times, and so we may more accurately view this green and blue marble that we call Elparia, New Ducklands set out once again to update our region’s maps.
The Royal New Ducklands Geological and Cartographical Society (GCS) got a significant boost in funding this past month, so they were able to improve the quality of the maps and accurately sort out a few irregularities in regards to the map’s compatibility with smaller, nation-focused charts. Imperialist Trekan transport companies in particular are glad for the revisions.
“The previous world map of Treka was a mess”, laments one captain of the Trekan company Imperial Shipping, “the Lushka province was somehow landlocked, Pineland was several times larger than it should have been, …” and many other geographical gripes caused confusion on the seas surrounding the nation, impeding trade and causing a few run ins between commercial ships and Trekan naval vessels.
Disputes over the possession of various man made and natural islands were thankfully solved, particularly in the continents of Ilus and Ikaika (top right corner) and nations such as Volitopia, who have often had disputes with one of their neighbors over plots of land in the ocean.
However as of the end of March, the map is not yet finished (see thumbnail) with key nations like Fahran, Rophilus, and others absent from the map. However New Ducklands has mentioned that the final version of the political map is almost, if not entirely complete and will be out soon.
The GCS has also made note of certain geologic features within various nations, although the commision of a full geographic map of Elparia will only be considered farther down the line.
Some nations, however, are not too pleased with the changes. The cavian state’s Minister of Commerce said recently that, “We don’t use the New Duckian world map as our main reference point, given it changes every month with regards to landmasses and national borders”.
Hopefully the new map, with its high resolution (when viewing the Linkoriginal files) and individual side maps for continents can help alleviate some of these concerns and provide an accurate representation of Elparia.

The longest and bloodiest war in Elparian history has strangely not seen any shots fired this past month. Since the detonation of the Trekan HES Worcester in Chuukangan waters and subsequent Trekan declaration of war, a few days coastal bombardment by the Trekan navy has been the only real military action on either side.
Cold diplomacy and blockades have instead been the order of the day. 9 nations, including Corusconia, Fahran, and Volitopia have either declared military support for Imperialist Treka outright or have otherwise embargoed or hiked up tariffs on Chuukango’s exports.
Not to mention the rebels to the fascist regime who have seized, “6 Frigates, at least 3 higher classed ships… and an unknown amount weapon caches and ammunition from Confederate Military installations”, according to insider reports. They are currently estimated to be hundreds of loose bands of former Chuukangan soldiers roaming the southern coasts and central mountain ranges pillaging and burning government buildings and towns alike. They do not have any real organization as factional warfare between communist, democratic, and military deserter divisions of all stripes face uphill battles against the fascist regime and each other. Some theorize that a few rebels may have taken advantage of certain long-range communication beacons in Chuukango’s mountains in attempts to contact other nations, but many believe such rumors are unsubstantiated.
Kaiser Karl Volksburg exclaimed in a press conference last week that, “The tide of nations arriving to the defense of Treka’s massacred men on the Worcester and against the despicable tyranny of Chuukango will prevail!”.
The Trekans are massing for a massive and complete invasion of Chuukango, with industrial production and draft quotas being set, and football matches cancelled as hundreds of thousands of men are being trained to fight. But despite all the clouds of war gathering on the horizon, the other nations of Elparia carry on a peace of their own. Masimau, a neutral nation situated on a large island south of Chuukango, has remained at a business as usual level of military activity, with Volitopian and Chuukangan trade ships docking at the same wharfs to trade.
But with the international community and his own people stacked against him, Éric Brodeur’s regime is in dire straits with no apparent way out.

Reconstruction in PyeMcGowan
Reported By Volitopia
PyeMcGowan's rebuilt capitol building
Back in December, the nation of Pyemcgowan became fascist after mass riots and an armed insurrection toppled the old government. But after months of repression, political purges, death camps, and destruction of banned books and other media, a counter-revolution began in February from the nation’s mountainous heartland and spread from city to city by means of hit and run tactics. It managed to successfully replace the dictator Hinden Bourgen, who was killed by sniper fire from advancing Federalist troops, with the old president Benjamin Gowan.
As he finally retook his seat as elected leader of Pyemcgowan, Gowan faced the difficult task of rebuilding a nation whose farmlands had been burned and sacked and its cities turned into bloodstained shells of their former glory. Firstly the president declared martial law to prevent the very real threat of another uprising, as the next plebiscite that would be held showed. The remnants of the PyeMcGowan Fascist Party still held strong in the outskirts of the nation, and many of their population voted “no” in the referendum which asked for a reformation of the government. But a 66% majority prevailed, and the nation held its new constitutional convention in Charleston shortly afterwards.
Weeks later, and the delegates from all 70 states and territories came up with a new constitution to replace the old democratic one that had been ceremonially destroyed by the fascist regime. The new document outlined the structure of a new PyeMcGowanian Union as a loose federation of republics representing every major province.
This was a welcome sign, as people were starting to get agitated once again at the military law which they felt was only slightly better than the previous government. Elections were held, and this displeasure was reflected in the results, with almost one seventh of the voting population electing representatives of various stripes that echoed the nationalist sentiments of the fascists.
However, a two-thirds moderate majority prevailed once again and parliament was both representative of the people and wouldn’t drive the nation into its own destruction as had happened under Chuukango’s establishment of a dictatorial regime.
President Harrison Davids, top candidate of the democratic coalition government formed after the ratifying of the second constitution won the election and took the mantle of Mr. Gowan’s office to steer his people back on the road to prosperity.
The nation of Pyemcgowan has seen a long night of fascist oppression, and be it that they are no longer in Elparia (space-time continuum fractures; don’t question them), all the freedom-loving peoples of our world wish them luck in greeting the dawn of liberty once again.

Sports Leagues Halt Play
Reported By Volitopia
February was a banner month for sports leagues in Elparia, with everything from football to the other football and more, but March hasn’t seen any games from Elparian Association Club Football or Elparian American Football at all. The only region wide game in the past month was the Tommy Ball season finale on the 11th, which gave the TB Super Cup championship to Rampaging Turtleducks in a close match against the Snake Bears and RTTT.
Imperialist Treka’s American Football League stopped play after the 4th day of games on February 25th, but the teams remain practicing even as Treka has had to temporarily cease games in the light of mobilizing for war against Chuukango.
New Ducklands's Club Football went under some reorganization about two weeks ago and admitted multiple new teams to the League. The manager also noted that custom team jerseys would be available down the road. Some point after the addition of new teams the dispatches for the Club had their ownership changed to the Elparian Club Football League, a puppet of New Ducklands. You can view all the same scores and statistics here.
A new face in the game of football is arising however, as less than a week ago the President of the Fahrani Football Federation, Ihsan al-Mukhtar, announced “Fahran will … host the first of what he hopes will become an annual tournament for the four strongest sides from every domestic league in the region of Elparia, with Elmarsa FC, Tirsana SC, Rumaiz United FC, and Al Khair FC representing Fahran”
The tournament has not officially been created yet, but Elparian sports fans are eager to see how this new tournament, and the ones that came before it, will turn out.

Gameplay News

The Second Elparian Coup
Reported By Volitopia
Less than a month ago, Elparia reversed the government that had been in place since December’s Coup within a few minutes of action on the 11th of March. The former Prime Minister of Elparia, Aquias, had been granted access to the Founder Puppet a month or so before the coup as a means to balance the ownership of Elparia’s highest office. Using this power, he removed the previous coup’ers from the government and reinstated Concordaia as Prime Minister of Elparia, demoting himself to Minister of Defense.
As the announcement delivered shortly after the coup explained, “... the government in exile have been planning to return Elparia to its former self … to return Elparia to the region it’s supposed to be”, referencing the “government in exile” as all those who were removed from office in the first coup.
Following this fateful announcement, there was much celebration from some members of the original government, while most of the population, including New Ducklands, Fahran, myself, and many others felt a somewhat passive relief. It was pretty clear there were strong tensions between a select few of the population bubbling under the surface following the first coup, but granted that the rest of the region did not go down in flames we tolerated these actions on different levels.
Rophilus, however, was not pleased. And our resident flame lord Imperialist Treka wasn’t pleased with him. I will not print some the things that were said over discord, lest the mods descend upon me for inappropriate content. It’s safe to say that over discord during the weeks following the second coup, Elparia witnessed its largest flame war.
“Not this again … ”, lamented Kubumba tribe.
Once the ashes had cooled somewhat, Aquias got around to answering some of the other questions concerning the coup, namely of Lily membership. The coup announcement had rounded out that, “With allies such as Lily, and HYDRA, Elparia will be a formidable region in NationStates … ”.
Lily is an interregional R/D organization which is formed from the militaries of its members and is overseen by Lily High Command, which organizes the raids that happen under its banner, and Elparia is one of its signatories.
Some members had issues with being a part of Lily, mostly centering around issues of military commitment and regional sovereignty. However Aquias has promised that, “We [Elparians will] pretty much operate on our own, except when Lily needs us … and only if we can help them; we won’t bend over backwards”.
Weeks later, and things are more or less back to normal. The ashes of the counter-coup have faded, and hopefully we may at least try to prolong this time of peace, by a proverb that has been said over and over in a myriad of forms; “It’s not about how many times you fall, it’s about how many times you get back up”.

A Changing Elparia
Reported By Volitopia
Elparia has seen its fair share of trials and tribulations this month - but wait, there’s more. Just one day after the coup, Judiciary Holocron of revan announced, “The new government has started doing some amazing accomplishments, and I can't wait to see what is going to happen. … I have decided to step down from the position of Judge”. This was a surprise on the part of Revan, given that he hadn’t received any guile or even been involved in the flame war following the second coup. Despite some of the discussion about his replacement seeping into the heated opinions on the coup, the cabinet was able to appoint The cavian state to complete the judicial trio.
However March 20th was the peak of post-coup tensions. Shortly after then-Foreign Affairs Minister Imperialist Treka’s unlawful expulsion of New trimania from discord, Treka’s deliverance of the saltiest flame of the time (over discord), and reported troubles with foreign ambassadors, then-Prime Minister Concordaia suspended Imperialist Treka from office for about a week. Just hours later the FA Minister resigned, “... I feel it’s best that I just leave”, he said in an announcement.
Not two days later, Elparia was hit by another loss of one of its government officials. Concordaia delivered a message (coded in Navajo) resigning from the office of Prime Minister and from NS, citing RL issues and the constant drama in Elparia. The decoded message can be viewed here (under the spoiler), and the original document can be found under the regional discord’s announcements. He has been greatly missed.
In a surprise meeting the cabinet named Minister of the Interior Volitopia as Temporary Prime Minister to serve out the rest of Concordaia’s term. One day after the Prime Minister’s resignation, Imperialist Treka resigned from NS and due to RL issues and NS drama, and expressed sorrow at any actions with which he may have harmed those in Elparia. Rophilus, Rampaging turtleducks, Holocron of revan, Beasttamer, Too too, and many others felt remorse for what we all had done in some way in the week prior. RMB page 722 a time when we all stopped, put aside our differences, and wondered how we got to this point. Shortly after contemplation, the cabinet appointed Holocron of revan to serve out the rest of Treka’s term and continue his work where necessary.
A second part of Concordaia’s original message was decoded sometime after, expressing a wish for Imperialist Treka to be named the next PM after his leave, but after some discussion between cabinet and Treka, he declined the offer.
A fourth and final unexpected resignation arrived in late March, with Minister of Polls and Demographics Fahran taking leave of her duties in an announcement, “I wanted to announce that I would be resigning from my position as Minister of Culture and Polls in order to give another member of our region the opportunity to take part in government in an official capacity. While I'll no longer hold office, I will continue to remain an active member of Elparia. … I will also be submitting recommendations for citizenship, graphs detailing demographic data, and fulfilling all other promises I made when I assumed this office”. The Minister had indeed fulfilled all her promises while in office and now left the position for someone new to take the reins, who was appointed after some cabinet discussion to be Rophilus.
The previous month has been the most monumental, most vile and most heartfelt time in Elparia. When we nearly broke our community through infighting, yet lived on to see its reconstruction into something greater.

The Post-Coup Trial
Reported By Volitopia
Shortly after the announcement of the coup, Imperialist Treka decided to take Rophilus to trial on charges of treason, corruption, and disturbing the peace. Rophilus and others in the region were not happy, believing this to be an overreach of the purpose of the coup. Head Judiciary Chuukango emphasized to Rophilus, “I have zero intentions of bringing you to trial. I cannot, however, stop [Treka] from attempting to do so…”, and the Minister of Defense echoed, “I have stated before I want reconciliation, not alienation”, because as he and many other members of government believed, once the first coup had been reversed the only steps that should be taken would be to reunite Elparia and prevent coups from reappearing in the future.
Despite all this, Imperialist Treka decided to continue to press charges, and Rophilus continued to point out that, “I have absolutely zero confidence that a fair trial will take place”, citing, “The majority of the government is against me”. Despite the fact that an overwhelming majority of the government, including most of the cabinet and the Prime Minister, shared the viewpoint of the Head Judiciary and Minister of Defense.
The trial finally happened on the 17th of March, with Treka as plaintiff, Rophilus as defendant, and Chuukango as Judge. Treka’s charges on the defendant were disturbing the peace, treason, and corruption, evidenced by a particular flame war in January when Roph flamed him, the actions taken during the first coup, and suppressing anti-greek jokes on the RMB that were far from warranting suppression, respectively. Rophilus responded (in order) that the case of flaming had been addressed by the mods already, that the morality of the coup was subjective based on who you asked, and he was expressing his own freedom of speech. After some discussion within the court, Rophilus admitted that he had “no idea” that only nations with NS authorities could suppress posts. The trial ended and Chuukango convened with Neo-Georgiria to discuss a verdict, which came within a few hours.
“Following consideration, Judiciaries Chuukango and Neo-Georgiria have found Rophilus guilty of Disturbing the Peace, 415PC (a), and bar him from being considered for the Judge role until the next election cycle. He will also be ejected, though not banned and can rejoin immediately thereafter (this is due to a slight flaw in the first revision of the penal code)”.
When asked on his thoughts about the trial, Neo-georgiria simply replied, “I just wish we can get the quirk ejection out of the penal code. That’s it”. And just around the time of the verdict that clause in Elparia’s Penal Code was amended.
The cavian state hoped that since “Justice is done; hopefully we can leave this Coup business behind us all”. Treka was surprised but not entirely displeased, “I think he should've been found guilty of the others … but at least he was punished”.
Rophilus told the Elparia Herald that,“Before the trial began, I had no faith in Elparia’s criminal justice system … How wrong could I have been; the trial went extremely smoothly, and everything was handled extremely fairly. I also felt the punishment given to me by the judges was well suited. Most importantly, this trial strengthened my faith that a fair trial was possible in Elparia.”

Creativity

Stories, Stories, Stories
Reported By Volitopia
The candle flame of creative writing in Elparia has kept itself alive and well this past month, with contributions not only stemming from our scantily updated yet enjoyable creative writing channel on discord, but also from a slowly growing set of writers in Elparia proper. Antillica is a playwright on the RMB whose stories follow the Antillican Princess Antonia as she struggles with her family, her sense of duty to her nation, and a court and military who is becoming increasingly hostile to her father’s policies. For those interested in reading this play, The Herald has compiled a list of all the episodes we were able to find, and packaged them in the spoiler beneath, from oldest to most recent in chronological order:

In other writing news is Aquias’s creation of a poll story series, contained within a fantastical setting. Story polls are scheduled to be up once every week, so come on down and vote!

Elparia’s Political Compass
Reported By Volitopia
About two months ago, Neo-georgiria made a suggestion on the RMB for an Elparian political compass, where all who were interested took a Linkpolitical alignment quiz and submitted the results to be plotted on the political spectrum. It died down somewhat after the first month, but near the end of March several Elparians took a renewed interest in the chart, and added their positions on to the coordinate plane. The most recent results are shown below-

This fun little experiment was the first of its kind in Elparia, and while Fahran was still Minister of Polls and Demographics, she sent out an Elparian demographics survey for general curiosity and possible citizenship considerations. Lately there have been a few sporadic citizen-made fill outs for RP and such as well. Such things are not as much “creativity” per se, yet the demographics of a population is an interesting look into its culture, from which creativity takes inspiration from and grows.

Humor

All Aboard the Disappointment Train!

Rampaging turtleducks wrote:Attention, passengers, this is your conductor speaking! We will be moving shortly. Please keep a sharp watch on to your items throughout the journey. Wouldn’t want to lose that last bit of respect you’ve got left, now would you?

I’d like to give a brief reminder regarding the whereabouts of the bathrooms- they’re in the left compartment near the back of every train car. Can’t miss ‘em- not the way you missed the opportunity of your life, at least!

If you want an upgrade to first class on the disappointment train, don’t hesitate to ask! With a quick payment of just the shredded remains of your dignity, you can ride in style with all of our highly valued customers. Added benefits of an upgrade include depression and regret.

Snacks are available regardless of your riding class- purchase your fill and ward away that massive, seemingly aimless knot in your stomach.

Enjoy the trip! Next stop, nice little town called Purgatory.



Word Games
Velvo wrote:If you rearrange the letters in "United States" you end up with "I eat students." Coincidence? I think not...



Current state of affairs in Elparia:
Rampaging turtleducks wrote:Half the region: HELP EVERYTHING IS ON FIRE
Other half of the region: *drowns*
Tiny smidgen of the region: Elements don’t control me



True
Chuukango wrote:If all trimps are tromps and all tromps are trumps, then all trimps are definitely not trumps, true or false?



Science
New Ducklands wrote:Also, this happened. Nr3 logic amirite
NR3 to Coru: You have a brain diameter of 5 ft seven
Coru: Thanks?
NR3: I mean 5 inch seven
Coru: what
USUC has made a science advancement, they have found that the brain is indeed a circle and there is an imperial measurement below inch.

Read dispatch


Coup v2, wars and reconstruction in both RP and regional government, and more writing and humor than ever before!
Please read and drop an upvote if you enjoy it!

Hello once again to W&H! We’re proud to announce the publication of the fifth monthly issue of the Elparia Herald!

Sports, the story of our Constitution hot off the presses, poetry, and more!

Elparia Herald Issue V

by Elparia herald publisher

Roleplay News

ECFL Dominates Stadiums Across Elparia
Reported By The cavian state
After an organizational remake and general restructuring bringing a halt to regular play months ago, the Elparian Club Football League has returned, much to the joy of sports fans in the region.
The season opener back on April 9th between Arirean Paisley FC taking on a strong Cavian side, Oscar Palace, was the only match played before another time-out was called on the season, which would continue until April 23rd.
That day saw four matches on the ECFL’s second opening day, with both Rophisilian teams taking to the pitch. Rigeta and Tooshishville sank to 2-3 and 0-3 to Kingston and Carnsby respectively. A close match between W&SU versus The City FC ended in a tight 3-4 scoreline, scoring the match winner in stoppage time. April 24th saw ECFL and Cavian heavyweight Oscar Palace thrash five past Rebellion FC in a 5-1 victory. April 25th also saw more clubs face-off for their first matches of the season, as the Volitopian squad FC Cosa remarkably scored 6 in a one-sided match against Hartsburg. Volgaskaya earned their first win with a win against Ottawa. Holocronian champions Mandalorian completed a 2-1 victory against W&SU without use of the Force.
Carnsby and Korusberg’s match on April 26th saw the first use of a penalty shootout in the ECFL, whose rules state that after 90 minutes regulation time, if the score is even, 30 minutes of extra time will be played. After that will be a set of five penalty kicks per team. If a team gains an unbeatable advantage, they win. If the penalties are inconclusive, another round of penalties will be taken. After a hard-fought 2-2 draw in extra time, both sides converted a full set of kicks to make the score 5-5. However, Korusberg missed their final penalty in the second set to make the total score 10-9 on penalties in a match where football was the real winner.
The following day, a Rophisilian club, Tooshishville, picked up their first win, in a 3-1 win over Rebellion. FC Cosa lost 2-1 to Breslau, and Oscar Palace defeated FC Rigeta in a close 1-0 match.
The last matches to be played before the May break ended on April 29th, with Seracohw rising to see off Rebellion 4-2. The latter side have failed to gain a single point in four matches. Mochiville picked up a surprise victory on penalties against fellow Cavian side Oscar Palace, which saw Palace lose their first ECFL match in the regular season. Carnsby continued their good run of form with a convincing 3-0 win at Mandalorian.
ECFL matches are set to continue after the new Elparian Olympics, or EISO are complete. The fixture list sees Cosa at Tooshishville, Ottawa at Oscar Palace, Paisley at the City, and W&SU at Volgoskaya.
The current standings are surprising to few. Oscar Palace, about which we have issued a special report just below, have played four and won three for a total of nine points to top the table. They are joined by Paisley and Mandalorian. Korusberg is on eight points and Kingston on seven. Looking at the bottom of the table, five sides are still winless in the league. These sides are Rebellion, Ottawa, W&SU, Hartsburg, and Oktoberskaya.
It is still all to play for in the ECFL as the race to the top continues to rage on. The regular season ends June 21st, at which point the playoffs begin.

First Summer Olympics Kick Off
Reported By Volitopia
We’ve had all manner of sports in Elparia, football, the other football, and even made up sports, but not until early May has there been a truly international gathering of all the greatest sports men and women of the world from each and every sport. Just two weeks ago, the EISO (Elparian International Summer Olympics) Committee was formed by New Ducklands with the intention of creating our world’s first olympic games. Signups were quickly passed around, and athletes from 23 nations were registered into 79 different sports, from football to horse racing.
Just shy of a week before the opening ceremony, EISO announced that the port city of Qhor in Fahran would be hosting the first Elparian Olympics thanks to its warm weather and readily available room for development of olympic facilities.
They also announced the pruning of bowling from the list, given its lack of “olympic-level qualities”, according to the Committee. Wakeboarding, along with a few other sports, were under consideration for removal, but only bowling fans walked away dissatisfied.
The first day of the olympic games began on the 11th of May, with Corusconian athletes leading the pack with all their 4 gold, 2 silver, and 2 bronze medals from multiple cycling events. To see all other national medal winners for that day, click here. And to see the full and updated rankings visit the Linkwebsite.
Most nations were looking forward to today’s round of olympic events with Kayaking and Canoeing next in line, but the government of New Russia the 3 denounced the games after only winning one bronze in Men’s Badminton on the first day, citing “cheating and biased judging” of competitors from communist nations, as well as alleged doping and bribery by the Corusconian athletes.
The Elparian summer olympic games are scheduled to continue every day until the 21st of May, with 64 more sport categories to watch and over two hundred medals to win.

Treka-Chuukangan War
Reported By Volitopia
Trekan Patrols fly over a Chuukangan coastal city
The longest war in Elparian history has continued again this month with more international involvement than ever before on on the front (for those who need a recap, please read more here and here). Imperialist Trekan and Corusconian air forces have since been launching regular bombing runs of Chuukango's coastal installations from naval ships in Chuukangan waters, clearing out most of the frontline defenses of the fascist regime, whose government has moved its center of operations closer inland, abandoning most of the beachheads and fortifying their internal cities and river valleys. Despite success in constant bombing of open beaches, the Trekan armed forces authorized the use of chemical weapons “to be used on strictly combatants not civilians”, citing growing casualties in the air force due to development of newer anti aircraft guns. No land invasion has actually occurred since bombing runs commenced early April, but the fascist Chuukangan government is under mounting pressure from internal groups.
Chief among these is the Rose Front, an association of rebel groups looking to restore the socialist Communally Federated States of Chuukango that had existed before the election of dictator Éric Broudeur. They are believed to harbor the majority of the old government and military defectors from the fascist regime, and have since engaged in sabotaging multiple rail lines and even a forward operating base.
Meanwhile, on the Ersatz-class Conrusconian ship Worcester, Admirals and Generals from Imperialist Treka, Corusconia and its protectorate New Trimainia, Holocron of revan, Fahran, the Chuukangan Rose Front, and Volitopia (who although not officially in the war has publicly denounced and embargoed the fascist regime and is offering tactical support to the allies) met and discussed battle plans. It was on those decks that an assassination attempt on renowned Revanian general Augusta Ureda was carried out and nearly succeeded, had it not been for New Trimainian medical technologies. The first Rose Front emissary sent had his family captured back at home, and was threatened with the torture and execution of his family if he did not kill every general aboard the ship. After the first incident was found out, he was promptly turned to swiss cheese by Corusicanian Admiral of the Kriegsmarine Erika Sädler’s submachine gun. Some time later and skipping over the many personal dramas aboard the ship, President Éric Broudeur of the Fascist Confederation of Chuukango himself arrived aboard the ship for negotiations, and after hours of shouting matches between the generals the President was finally forced to sign an official document of surrender before being handed over the the Rose Front. Despite the surrender and capture of Broudeur, parts of Chuukango remain under fascist rule, refusing the surrender as illegitimate. The ship has since docked in Treka and been given to the Imperial navy as a gift from the Kriegsmarine.
In international news of the conflict, on April 9th, the nation of Arirean declared support for Imperialist Treka against Chuukango. This action was immediately followed by mass riots in the capital of Alnwick and major cities, including Brillo. Protesters armed with AK-47s and other weapons fired on police, looting stores and destroying buildings and prompting the establishment of curfew and authorization of the use of violent force against protestors. Embassies in Arirean were temporarily closed, and since the riots have cooled, the Brillo Museum of Modern Art has had to renovate its East Wing exhibits, having lost 2 million pounds sterling to multiple molotovs. It is unclear how the violent rioters were able to obtain such weaponry, although Chuukangan funding of the Arirean fascist organization The Black Hand is suspect.
A week later, once the riots had subsided to manageable levels the Arirean Ministry of Defense renewed its contract with the HeLO company. The capacity of their “anti-aircraft vehicles, ATGM's, tank destroyers, and much more” is to be Linkgreatly expanded amidst growing worldwide tensions. Despite military buildup, foreign affairs Minister Spencer Brown maintains that “Arirean will only seek to provide humanitarian aid to Trekan combatants and provide safe passage if necessary”.

[Footnote: The reported events which happened on the Ersatz-Worcester were obtained from a private RP discord server run by Imperialist Treka for the occasion, and although he has allowed us to report on some of the events, he has asked that the Herald does not publish the invite]

A Map Revived
Reported By Volitopia
Map thumbnail at time of publication
Elparia’s regional map has seen multiple changes over the course of its history. However the first week of April for the Royal New Ducklands Geological and Cartographical Society (our map provider at the time) was marked by growing public discontent about its work. The supposed final version of the map had not been released for weeks, despite earlier claims of near-completion. And what the GCS had given Elparian nations to work with was far from adequate - the interface required to access the public files was difficult to work with and the maps were either too blurry or impossible to zoom into.
“All in favor”, Imperialist Treka proclaimed, “of making [our nation Elparia’s] mapper say aye”. Distaste at lack of improvement, constant changes, and shifting excuses had finally reached its boiling point.
After just a few days, the new map was finally released on April 13th on the Linkregional website under the Arirean Royal Cartography Service (a puppet of New Ducklands). Initial skepticism at this being simply yet another iteration of ever-changing, never improving maps faded away a few weeks later.
ARCS quickly established a streamlined process for filing land claims and settling territorial disputes, as well as fully downloadable versions of each map in all their glory. The Cartography Service’s team of historians were also able to finally place agreed-upon names for each continent and major body of water, as well as arranging for individual nations on the map to be able to request and receive higher-resolution maps of their individual nations; which they can then independently mark and have featured at the bottom of the website page. Arirean and Imperialist Treka have already done so, but requests from Aquias, Chuukango, and Volitopia for their national maps have not yet been given their files.
After a hefty cash injection from investors glad to see uniform cartography at last (and bleeding the now defunct GCS of all funds), the geological team of ARCS was able to successfully partner with local mining and drilling corporations to provide a full map of Elparia’s largest mineral and otherwise abiotic natural resources.
Trekan observers have since noted with considerable interest the previously untapped densities of oil in the Trekan Sea, particularly in the area that is fully under the control of Holocron of revan. All options are still on the table for Revanian and Trekan investors, but possibilities of lowered tariffs or mutual governance have recently gone out of the spotlight, given the crash in oil prices following the discovery of abnormally large oil and natural gas reservoirs across the world.
Military analysts, however, are less worried about the cheapening of fuel but more so about the newly uncovered deposits of Uranium, Plutonium, and similar nuclear-ready elements that could be sold for drastically cheaper prices to terrorists and militaristic governments on the international black market.
Meanwhile, the Arirean Royal Cartography Service has since been experimenting with newer mapping systems and testing their capabilities. The organization has made known collaboration with multiple satellite companies for a pilot project to map out the full 3D glory of our globe terrain and has successfully uploaded a formatted view of the rotating globe (scroll all the way down on the Linkwebsite homepage). However the Service emphasizes that proper rendering of the terrain will take large amounts of time and resources - so no promises yet.

Special Report on Oscar Palace F.C.
Reported By The cavian state

Oscar Palace F.C. Logo
Oscar Palace is a club that every pure-bred Cavian and many overseas sports fans recognize and embrace.
Founded in 1911 as an amateur club, the side joined Cavian Division One in 1917, winning its first title in 1920. They haven’t looked back since. With 18 cups and 33 leagues in the trophy cabinet, as well as continental and international honours, the side, which any loyal supporter will tell you, has royal DNA.
The club turned professional in 1915 with help of the crown’s Porciis in the form of a Royal Charter. The club gained its current home ground, Royalty Stadium, through this agreement.
In the present day, the club is just as prominent and, well, rich, as its early 20th-century self. The club last won The cavian state's Super League in the 2014-15 season, and currently sits first in the table with 98 points, five ahead of fierce cross-town rivals Mochiville Football. They have two matches to play and just one point in their coming fixtures will likely be enough to lift the trophy for a 34th time.
Kit man and life-long supporter Dean Scotts explains the passion behind the club. “Now, my grandfather was actually club captain in 1927,” says the 56-year-old. “and that season he led the club to their fourth league title. As a legendary goalkeeper he’s still remembered by those who saw him play, and although he’s definitely not a true club legend, I think that without him this club’s history would have been different.” Dean’s grandfather retired in 1945 after nineteen years with the club, sadly passing away in 2016.
“Obviously, this meant that my father was and is a lifelong Palace supporter. And that meant that I was to be one as well. That’s led me to where I am today. I feel really grateful to have a job with this club that’s such a part of my life, and, in a way, it’s also maybe how I’ve commemorated my grandfather as well.”
Any Cavian, Palace supporter or not, knows this man- Roger Williams. With 75 appearances for his country, at just the age of 26, Williams has notched 56 goals for the national side. Come international matchday, club supporters throw aside their differences and support Williams, already considered by many as a national hero.
“When I got the call from [Oscar Palace manager] Jonathan Ranton that he wanted to offer me a contract, I was ecstatic.” recalls Williams. “At the time I think I was… 16? I was in the youth academy of Brenton Town(a club in the third tier of Cavian football) and I had been released. I thought it was over for my career in football. But Oscar Palace of all clubs! They had just won the title that year, in the 08/09 season. When I signed in 2010 we had just won the Animalian Club Cup- meaning we were best in the world! A big deal…”
The next year, 2011, was Williams’s break out season. Scoring 18 goals in all competitions(including the winner in the Silver Club Cup final), Oscar Palace won their first and so far only treble. “That was my first year, and it was our best year.” comments Williams. “Hopefully that’s not my best. I think we can strive for and achieve more.”
Oscar Palace is truly a club steeped in history, with true connections with many people. It really has become a large part of Oscar City metro life, becoming a club that many around the world know- and love.

Gameplay News

Constitutional Reforms
Reported By Volitopia
Elparia has had a long and storied history with its Constitutions, dating back all the way to its birth as a merger region between Rossferry and The Delegation of Gallifrey. During merger negotiations, the topic of merging the constitution to the approval of both sides was brought up, and New Ducklands volunteered for the job, and thus created the first Constitution shortly after the merger.
It was a mess, and after several major governmental inconsistencies showed its flaws, Ducklands spearheaded a bill to rewrite the Constitution (read the full story here). Some progress was being made, but then all governmental activities halted because of The Coup. The project was abandoned for months, and Elparia was left without a single set of laws to follow. Sometime in February, New Ducklands created a Constitution in the hopes that it would revive the populace’s desire to reform, but Ducky failed to advertise his motions, and thus got little recognition besides having his work pinned under the WFE.
Despite this, because it was not ratified or reviewed by more than a couple of nations, it continued to be a “skeleton document”, whose general ideas were referenced in forming the government structure, but all specifics, like citizenship, legality of certain actions, and the like, continued to be made on the fly. Constitutional reform continued to be pushed back on the priorities of the regional government for months. However, some steps to legal restructuring were being taken. On March 20th, following a post-coup trial, the Elparian Penal Code developed by Chuukango in early January, got an update.
Then the Second Coup came, and about a week later, new Prime Minister Concordaia and several other government officials resigned (read the full story here). The government was able to restabilize, and Volitopia was named Prime Minister by the cabinet as a replacement.
Days after he got the appointment, the Prime Minister announced a Constitutional Convention, for all interested Elparians to submit Constitutions by the 29th and then hold a referendum. It failed. Two weeks and a cabinet meeting later, Volitopia announced the 12-Day Constitution Plan, which was intended to identify exactly who would be writing a Constitution, and get one chosen by the end of April 16th. Once again, tackling a month-long issue in two weeks failed without extreme pressure to draft constitutions being made on the submitees. Aquias, Holocron of revan, Fahran, and Rophilus had all stepped forward to draft Constitutions, and since the first two already had them done by the deadline, the region waited for about a month for the other submissions.
However on May 9th, Head Judiciary Chuukango, “took 40 minutes and finished a Constitution”, and began to push for a referendum. Reminders about the original Constitutional Plan were given to him, and a cabinet meeting was assembled. Cabinet voting was still in progress with 3 in favor of immediate referendum, 1 against, 2 under consideration, and 1 non-appearance, when Minister of Foreign Affairs Holocron of revan, by accident or instruction published the Constitutional Referendum Poll. 18 hours later, Minister of Polls Rophilus took the poll down, citing the lack of government majority and sudden action. Of course, an argument began between Rophilus and Chuukango, the latter calling the removal “a spit in the eye of progress”, and calling for the Poll’s Minister’s resignation or impeachment. One day later, the referendum reopened, and although the debate continued, the poll was not taken down. The first Constitutional Referendum has since passed, and after half a year of struggle and apathy, Elparia has a new, complete, and democratic Constitution.

The USUC - Peace At Last
Reported By Volitopia
Elparia is a region born out of merger of two regions, and April has added yet another migration of a region’s population into our own; that of the UNITED SOVIET UNION OF COMMUNISM (USUC). This region was born out of Rossferry, one of the original merger regions of Elparia. Years before Elparia was a thing, the USUC’s members were accused of puppeteering and voter fraud in Rossferrian elections, which led to the Rossferry-USUC split. Since then relations with this breakaway region and Rossferry have ping-ponged from friendship to war and everything in between. Pretty much the same thing happened with Elparia and the USUC, as in early December, embassy relations were officially opened (read the full story here), and by February “war” was declared by the USUC because the Elparian courts had ejected several puppet spies (read the full story here). As you may guess, and according to one USUC official, the “war was just a complete meme” - with nothing but bait for a week and no action for months afterwards.
So in early April, New Russia the 3 agreed with New Ducklands to consider merging into Elparia, because after all, the constant alterations of war and peace in the USUC was, in Ducky’s words, “useless”. NR3 wanted several things from the merger, including clearing the ban list of previous USUC spies, equal opportunities participate in RPs and the political system for him and his communist friends, and generally being recognized and integrated into Elparian society. Elparia’s government, in return, asked that they no longer cause such disturbances of the peace or break the region’s laws, and besides that, they were free to do what they wished, including start a communist party, which they had emphasized during the merger but have not yet announced its official creation.
Both governments agreed to the settlement, and on April 15th, New Russia the 3 finally moved to Elparia, and the rest of his region followed. Their population has since been fully integrated into the region, and an rivalry so old it lost all meaning has ended this April.

Lily Membership Abroad
Reported By Volitopia

Seal of Lily
Since the Second Elparian Coup ran its course, Elparia has been a member of the Lily R/D group. Despite having no military involvement with the organization or any raids at all, Elparia has remained a part of Lily, a decision which may affect foreign relations with other regions.
On the 5th of April, Please understand of Pagan Rose said he was closing embassies with Elparia based on Elparia’s Lily membership, while Elparian government officials pointed out that in earlier posts he had mentioned he was closing because of our region’s size relative to theirs. As Fahran said, “this sounds like more of an excuse in light of comments by their regional officials”.
Their embassy has since remained open, by request from other Pagan Rose officials. Although no severing of diplomatic ties has occurred with other regions for the actual purpose of being a Lily member, it has sometimes been noted by foreign governments in a negative manner, but never put forward as a main reason for their displeasure.
Considering our region’s inactivity within military matters, some Elparians have asked; what’s the point of being in Lily? Their activity as a R/D organization has and is bound to bring about controversy with foreign governments, and as Elparia has neither used nor needed its services, why remain a part of Lily? Besides “scaring away foreign relations”, being a part of a raider organization can have effects on recruitment numbers, as often times new players fall into a mindset of raiding on NS being intrinsically bad.
However, as Aquias and others have pointed out, Lily does both raids and defends, and doesn’t pressure its members to serve or obey a certain ideological code. There are far worse regions to be affiliated with, such as fascists, large regions who are corrupt or abuse their power on the foreign affairs stage, and many others. Point is, as raider organizations are, Lily is far from being noted among the worst.
If you are not within the minority of nations enlisted in our military (that once again, with or without Lily, has done no raiding), Elparia’s military membership, “does not affect you”, said Aquias, who signed Elparia onto Lily.
Lily does not force its members to raid or do anything at all (source: Elparia is still a part of the organization), and foreign concerns over Lily have not been of great importance within diplomatic relations. And if Elparians choose to get in the R/D sphere of NS, Lily can provide good teammates and protection from aggression. The organization has been growing in achievement among the R/D circles of NS, reaching 848 hits from the 5th to the 14th of April and gaining a total of over 1000 tagged embassies (dubbed Operation Supernova).
Although being a part of Lily comes at a price, that price for Elparia has not driven us to leave, and should our citizens choose to get involved in raiding, they would have a valuable ally.

Creativity

Writing
Reported By Volitopia
Even among constitutional reform and bombings in Elparia, readers of the Herald will be pleased to know that our region has continued to keep its creative side alive. On Friday the 13th, some creative region members were trading elaborate descriptions of capture and death in historical periods torn by civil strife, and The cavian state’s writing about an assassination of New Ducklands definitely topped the charts.

1968. A turbulent year in Cavian history. The Cavians has a lot to worry about, what with their protectorate the Cricetinians getting ideas about forming a free government.
Thus, the Tribunal for Public Safety(TPS) was founded. Not so much a tribunal as tribunals were concerned(better described as a kangaroo court, or even better, a secret police) it is safe to say the TPS is a permanent blemish on Cavian freedom, democracy, and equality.
As far as Ducky was concerned, it wasn’t his day to die. No, no, far from it, actually.
He had just finished walking out the door of an Oscar City coffee shop, when, just a kilometer away, a TPS Officer had just finished his report on the recent bombing that took eighteen Cavian lives in a crowded subway station six days before.
The real culprit was still at large, meaning Ducky was completely innocent, but this particular Officer had spent just three months in the force, and the public was screaming for justice so- needless to say, there was no time for double-checking.
“There.” said TPS Surveillance Lieutenant Jacob Whitestone blankly. “He’s right there. Just exited the Coffee Grind Brew House. I’m sure of it,” the officer said blandly as his supervisor nearby picked up the telephone.
“Hello?” he spoke. “Dispatch station? We got a guy on Fifth and Waterway. Send out two... no, three squad cars. Plainclothes. Don’t want more attention than we’ve got now from those blooming civil rights hippies...”
Then, twenty seconds later, the TPS Centre garage doors folded outward to make way for three normal looking cars. One sedan, one SUV, and one van. They drove hurriedly towards Fifth and Waterway, screeching at the intersection.
They found their target. Ducky adjusted his jacket and stepped off the sidewalk...
Before he knew it, two officers had put a sack over his head, roughly throwing him into the back of the sleek, black van. The screen of pedestrians had hidden their illicit activities far from suspecting eyes.
It was another quick drive back to the station, where Ducky was hastily seated before three men clad in dark suits.
A single light hung from the ceiling of the damp, manky room they had convened in. Then, the man sitting in the center began to speak.
“Sir, do you know why you’re here?”
Ducky turned his head away meekly, and the man let out a short grunt.
“I’m going to ask you again- why do you think you’re here?” His tone was not so drab this time- there was a strain of impertinence.
Again silence. Then like a whip cracking- the man struck Ducky across the face, recoiling in a mixture of pain, terror, and sheer, livid rage.
“DO YOU KNOW WHY YOU’RE HERE?!” he yelled.
“I- I don’t know...” he replied quickly.
“Take him away, I knew he wouldn’t sing. And- you listen here...” The pair of men turned Ducky back toward the door. “For a terrorist, you’re far too soft.” he sneered.
Another man entered the room, handing him a series of papers labeled ‘Execution Order’. He scrawled his signature across it and slid them across the table. “Make it quick.” he muttered.
The two men marched Ducky down a flight of stairs. There, they removed his blindfold. At that moment, he saw a line of five men all sporting rifles.
“No... NO! LET ME OUT! LET ME OUT!!!” he yelled. It was no use. They were far from any New Duckian ambassador, far from any embassy or safe house...
The men loaded the cartridges into the rifles. “Remember, one shot and it’s over.” the executioner said, in an almost sympathetic voice.
“Any last words?” he called out gruffly to Ducky, tying him to a bullet-ridden wooden pole.
“This can’t be happening...”

BANG.
The body slouched against the ropes. All five men achieved their target.
The body was disposed of carefully in a government incinerator. He was never heard from again.

Followers of our publications will remember last issue when we showcased the productions of Antillica’s play, Princess Antonia. If you haven’t read the previous episodes yet, we recommend you do so, or you’ll miss out on some great storytelling. However, it is with great dismay we have to inform our readers that Antillica has not yet produced any further episodes after their season one finale and Q/A (see spoiler down below). Hopefully the playwright of Elparia will continue their stories soon!

Some intriguing pieces of romantic poetry have also been made this April as well, courtesy of two 9th century Fahrani poets.

We hope you enjoyed reading Elparia’s choice stories and poetry!

Humor

Economics

New Ireland the 5th wrote:Derptingtonn

Capital A random collection of mudhuts
Leader Sohn Jmith
Faith A big black brick
Currency Kid
Animal minority

not gonna lie, this made my day

New Ireland the 5th wrote:"The frighteningly efficient special economy, worth 694 trillion Kids a year,"

*It gets better the more of Derptingtonn's stats you read



Flies
Fahran wrote:I wouldn't hurt a fly.

Sneakily sharpens knives.



Hail Wisconsin!
Rampaging turtleducks wrote:All hail my homeland, a stinky piece of cheddar



Elparian Documentaries
Imperialist Treka wrote:(read in British accent) "the wild Chuukangus stalks its prey, waiting for the perfect moment, they hunt alone as they are solitary animals, the Chuukangus knows that if it doesn't catch the young Too Too, it will die"
"The chuukangus pounces, little does he know that isn't actually a young Too Too but actually a young Neo Geo, he chases after it but the tremendous speed produced by the Neo geo helps him get away, the chuukangus is in grave danger, he hasn't eaten in 3 weeks, it's almost sun down, he's tired, thirsty and starving, the nocturnal Treka may have a chance at capturing this chuukangus"
"the Chuukangus lays in the high grass, a hiss comes out from out of nowhere, it's a fahran, a small but fierce animal, it is hunting the nearby insect known as a New Russia which is sucking the blood from a chuukangus, suddenly the chuukangus awakens, the fahran runs off and a small rustling in the grass is heard, it's only a Corusconia, feeding from the trees with its long neck, only time will decide the fate of this young chuukangus"
(4 AM) "the wild chuukangus wakes up, he survived the night but he needs food fast, he's gets up, drowsy and walks over to the drinking hole, but he stops before he reaches it and ducks down in the grass, he sees it, a small wild Volitopia, the chuukangus runs in to make the kill, the chase lasts 20 seconds before the chuukangus grabs the Volitopia by the neck, killing it. The air is silent, the only noise that can be heard is the occasional cawing from a flightless bird called a Rophilus. The chuukangus has done it, he will survive."



Such Elparia has been, such Elparia is now, and such Elparia will remain to be until the server shutdown of NS
Crotin wrote:I just realized I've been in this region for a couple months now and I still don't know what is going on around here.

Read dispatch

Please read and leave an upvote if you enjoyed it!

A young and up-and-coming new lawyer enters the office's lobby, briefcase in one hand, folded umbrella in the other, and approaches the receptionist

Good morning. I have an interview scheduled with one of the junior associates.

Hey, sorry to bother you, but if you have a second, feel free to let us know your thoughts on space exploration !

Thank you for your time!

Hello!

**Sends over a basket of pastries, muffins, jam, butter, strawberries, and Hershey's kisses**

Forum View

Advertisement