The Christmas Polar Bear of Bilabao is a gargantuan, genial nation, ruled by Klanta Saused with an iron fist, and renowned for its public floggings, prohibition of alcohol, and smutty television. The compassionate, cynical, cheerful, devout population of 44.675 billion Bilabaons are ruled with an iron fist by the socialist government, which grants its people the freedom to do whatever they like so long as it doesn't involve getting richer than anybody else or challenging the government.

The large, socially-minded government is dominated by the Department of Education, although Spirituality and Environment are also considered important, while Defense and Healthcare aren't funded at all. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of North Pole. The average income tax rate is 36.2%, but much higher for the wealthy.

The large but stagnant Bilabaoan economy, worth 519 trillion icicles a year, is quite specialized and led by the Book Publishing industry, with major contributions from Trout Farming, Retail, and Basket Weaving. State-owned companies are common. Average income is 11,628 icicles, and distributed extremely evenly, with practically no difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Klanta Saused has just been declared ruler of Bilabao in an international press conference, the government has declared its commitment to multilateralism, the nation's atlases tend to go out of date every few weeks, and the acceptance of acupuncture and other alternative therapies has needled the scientific community. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown. Bilabao's national animal is the polar bear, which is also the nation's favorite main course.

Bilabao is ranked 117,605^th in the world and 4^th in The Arctic for Safest, scoring 74.67 on the Bubble-Rapp Safety Rating.