The People's Republic of Kalamani is a huge, orderly nation, renowned for its frequent executions, devotion to social welfare, and stringent health and safety legislation. The compassionate, cynical population of 412 million Kalamanians are ruled without fear or favor by a psychotic dictator, who outlaws just about everything and refers to the populace as "my little playthings."

The enormous, corrupt, socially-minded, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Law & Order, Education, and Defense. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Macadamia. The average income tax rate is 77.9%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The strong Kalamanian economy, worth 28.6 trillion Kalakukus a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. The industrial sector is led by the Book Publishing industry, with significant contributions from Door-to-door Insurance Sales, Tourism, and Arms Manufacturing. Average income is 69,305 Kalakukus, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.3 times as much as the poorest.

Religious bigotry is not allowed but bigotry against theism is encouraged, the government regularly reassures citizens that there are no monsters under their beds, asking 'does my bum look big in this?' leads to 30 hours of self-esteem classes, and the national security service are a bunch of crooks. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to the all-pervasive police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Kalamani's national animal is the Kalamanian Lizard, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests.

Kalamani is ranked 51,697^th in the world and 396^th in 10000 Islands for Safest, scoring 102.48 on the Bubble-Rapp Safety Rating.