The Republic of Crimnias is a huge, orderly nation, remarkable for its irreverence towards religion, suspicion of poets, and stringent health and safety legislation. The hard-nosed, cynical population of 266 million Crimniasians are ruled without fear or favor by a psychotic dictator, who outlaws just about everything and refers to the populace as "my little playthings."

The enormous, moralistic, socially-minded, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Education, and Administration. The average income tax rate is 72.5%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The sizeable but sluggish Crimniasian economy, worth 7.78 trillion Euros a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is a large, well-organized, highly specialized black market in Trout Farming, Arms Manufacturing, and Pizza Delivery. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is 29,239 Euros, and distributed extremely evenly, with practically no difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

There's no cure or sympathy for the common cold, workers tend to schedule naps during all-hands meetings, opposition party MPs campaign shirtless to show off their numerous lash scars, and the government puts forth the claim that harming young girls is wrong. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Crimnias's national animal is the Chicken, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests.

Crimnias is ranked 108,254^th in the world and 2,759^th in The North Pacific for Most Patriotic, with 14.3 flags saluted per person per day.