The Benevolent Fist of Scardino is a gargantuan, orderly nation, ruled by Comrade General Fedele Fantoccini with an iron fist, and notable for its ban on automobiles, public floggings, and national health service. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, humorless, devout population of 18.076 billion Scardinoans are ruled by a mostly-benevolent dictator, who grants the populace the freedom to live their own lives but watches carefully for anyone to slip up.

The enormous, corrupt, well-organized government prioritizes Defense, although Spirituality, Industry, and Education are also considered important, while Social Policy and Environment receive no funds. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Poggioreale. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 74.7%.

The frighteningly efficient Scardinoan economy, worth a remarkable 1,780 trillion florins a year, is led by the Door-to-door Insurance Sales industry, with major contributions from Uranium Mining, Furniture Restoration, and Soda Sales. Average income is 98,507 florins, with the richest citizens earning 9.8 times as much as the poorest.

Homeless people dying of starvation are thought to be a necessary cost of preventing terrorism, the vow 'til death do us part' is often taken as an invitation to murder, it is a silent spring in Scardino, and recent events in Dàguó have been classified 'for Comrade General Fedele Fantoccini's eyes only'. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Scardino's national animal is the squirrel, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is Scardinoism.

Scardino is ranked 28,974^th in the world and 28^th in Lone Wolves United for Most Corrupt Governments, with 74.59 kickbacks per hour.