Aerlanica wrote: Been cooking y'all: What we think? Good enough for the AA competition?Also, RPs in the works
Harold Vence: The Cape Wide Pie Fair 27/7/2024
If it’s one thing I have come to learn from the nations of this world, it is that there is a certain special culture surrounding pie. In some way shape or form, the nations of this region of space-time seem to have some form of baked or pastry good that originates from their nation, each unique to where they come from.
Thus came the Cape Wide Pie Fair, located rather curiously in the neutral ground of New Franco, a city which can be best described as the oldest anarchy state on Augusta. Stalls were prepared and culinary delegates were sent, much to the chagrin of some more isolationist gangs. Upon hearing of this, I followed the direction of several “experts” who attended beforehand and fasted a few days prior so I could sample the pies from many nations, and while it was a difficult endeavour to endure, it was worth the wait.
The first pie I stumbled across as I wandered about the various stalls was the pie presented by a Tyramonian of pleasant disposition. Upon asking for the recipe of this pie, I was bluntly told that it was so secretive a text that if I became aware of it I would have to be killed as per the “witch rules”, rules which I can only assume to be in line with the orthodoxy of the Witches of Tyramon, who I am yet to find and interview. The pie itself was…curious…to say the least, and as described by the individual manning the stall was cooked to have the “perfect scent of spent gunpowder” with a filling “the consistency of plastic explosives”. It was lathered in a healthy helping of crude oil which was assured to be unique to Tyramon’s deserts which (despite it’s unappealing look) was assured to be of pleasant taste, after all it was made with the “valiant labour of the Tyramonian hand under the protective gaze of the noble Tyramonian army” with the finest Aerlanican cooking tools pillaged from Aerlanican homes. Upon learning that I was not of noble blood, or even Tyramonian blood, I was denied a taste of the pie.
On the opposite side of the fair ground was the Aerlanican stall, which was moved after the Aerlanicans and Tyramonians entered a rather vicious verbal spat. Irrespective, it appears the current Aerlanican-Tyramonian War has yet to dull the dedication of the Aerlanican or prevent the Aerlanicans from sneaking out a delegation from their hidden planets and set up a stall. The stall in question presented a traditional Palaric Egg and Bacon Pie. Despite being called “Egg and Bacon”, it also involved in large part cheese, onion and a healthy dosage of pepper. While it is different from the one my mother cooked for me when I was a young lad, the Palaric Egg and Bacon Pie was still a delightful meal!
Next to their erstwhile allies were the Rei Khanians. For a nation descendant from an empire built on the back of horses, one would be surprised to learn that Rei Khan are also masters of the pie; Rei Khanians brought their usual steppe hospitality to the pie fair with a modest yet remarkably delectable chocolate cream pie. It was expertly crafted, ensuring that there was not an overwhelming amount of chocolate while also ensuring there was not too much or too little crust. Suffice to say I simply had to return for seconds, and I successfully weaselled my way into a second helping.
Following this, I came across the stall from Kansas (who still have no knowledge of the state of Kansas, nor of the United States or even of Earth) fronted by none other than her Majesty Queen Kiki, the current reigning monarch of Kansas. In her stall was an emporium of not just pies, but other baked goods which were (in true Kansan fashion) all breakfast themed. While I am not surprised that the pacifistic breakfast enthusiasts would have a stall with breakfast centric goods, I was still blown away by the likes of the bacon buiscuits, pumpkin pancake pies (an autumnal delicacy) and he Cinnamon Toast Crunch Pie. There was also the honey lemon lavender oatmeal brunch pie, a long name and I admit it took me several attempts to write it out accurately in my notes.
Next I stumbled across a stall which was administered by a large dragon assisted by a few dwarves, elves and humans. These individuals hailed from Fivalia, whose dragons (like the ones of New Franco) possessed sentience and are capable of cognitive thought. This dragon manned a rather large emporium of two types of pies; the first was a pie with a filling they described as akin to that of a “crab cake” (Whatever that may be) and was filled to the brim with the namesake crustacean. This was expected, as it is know the dragons of Fivalia have an acute craving for seafood. The second pie presented by the Fivalians was a small but exceptionally sweet fruit pie, so heavy in fact that I could only manage a small slice, especially after my trip to the Rei Khanian booth. I admit rather sheepishly that I’ve a savoury tooth, but I can attest that this pie which is made with “lots of love, and a little bit of magic every step of the way” was certainly a tasty dish, and I lament that my own body refused me to have any more of the very rich pastry.
Speaking of savoury tastes, it appears my low tolerance for sweets is shared by the next group of people I stumbled across, who I have not met before. Describing themselves as Gallianese, hailing from an island called Galliadurm, they presented what was called “Scorpion Strudels” with the express apology that it was very much a savoury dish (a fact which, I assured them, was no problem for me!). While I might not have known of the enigmatic Galliadurm culture until now, I can deduce that it was certainly a place that I should visit sooner rather than later! Despite the strange use of scorpion meat and berries, the Scorpion Strudel I found was a pleasant desert to have and, while mainly a savoury dish, had a hint of sweetness within it. Following on was a wide but stout beef pie, however one of the vendors claimed that the beef within the pie did not come from the usual bovine livestock. Rather miraculously, they (A bald individual with tanned complexion and only three fingers and a thumb) claimed to my astonishment meat within was fabricated from seemingly thin air! It seemed rather fitting then that such delectable yet simple goods originated from such a fantastical place which I simply must visit in the near future, schedules permitting.
Towards the end of the day, however, a most peculiar event occurred. I stumbled across a rather interesting Bearded Dragon which was capable of speech who offered me a rather simple banana cream pie, claiming it had “cricket flour crusts”. Despite being an exceptionally simplistic pie, it was still a very delightful feed to have after the end of the day. Thanks to the pallet cleanser that was the Gallianese pastries, I was able to indulge in this final sweet treat.
As of writing this, I am now arranging my safe transport from the city of New Franco and plotting my next course throughout the cape. While I am overdue a trip to Oateria, however I am more than motivated to try and figure out how to reach these mysterious islands of Galliadurm, if they even allow wandering chroniclers and explorers such as myself. No matter, the hour is late and I am thankful to have heeded the advice of those experts: even after starving myself, I am exceptionally full and exceptionally tired.
H. Vence