The United Star Empire of Valinon is a gargantuan, efficient nation, ruled by Empress Friedelinde Alderman with an even hand, and remarkable for its infamous sell-swords, smutty television, and spontaneously combusting cars. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cheerful population of 45.662 billion Valinors enjoy some of the most opulent lifestyles in the region, unless they are unemployed or working-class, in which case they are variously starving to death or crippled by easily preventable diseases.

The minute, corrupt, pro-business government, or what there is of one, prioritizes Defense, although Education is also considered important, while Social Policy and Welfare receive no funds. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of New Köln. Income tax is unheard of.

The frighteningly efficient Valinonian economy, worth an astonishing 18,329 trillion Reichsmarks a year, is driven almost entirely by the private sector, which is broadly diversified and led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with major contributions from Information Technology, Book Publishing, and Tourism. Average income is an amazing 401,424 Reichsmarks, but there is a significant disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 1,215,171 per year while the poor average 103,185, a ratio of 11.8 to 1.

When their backs are against the walls Valinors look out for gay men, the fattest folk in Valinon look to be the happiest ones, convicted criminals are given free limo rides to jail, and the examiners who examine examiners are being examined by examiners. Crime is pervasive, probably because of the absence of a police force. Valinon's national animal is the lion, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is none.

Valinon is ranked 286,005^th in the world and 4^th in Raumreich Oversector for Highest Foreign Aid Spending, scoring -46.8 on the Clooney Contribution Index.