The Holy Empire of Dogbreathistan is a gargantuan, cultured nation, ruled by A Labrador Retriver with an even hand, and remarkable for its deadly medical pandemics, compulsory military service, and unlimited-speed roads. The hard-nosed, hard-working, humorless population of 30.345 billion Dogbreathistanians are either ruled by a sleek, efficient government or a conglomerate of multinational corporations; it's difficult to tell which.

The minute, pro-business government, or what there is of one, is solely concerned with Defense. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of The Couch. Income tax is unheard of.

The frighteningly efficient Dogbreathistanian economy, worth an astonishing 10,252 trillion Dog Poops a year, is driven almost entirely by the private sector, which is broadly diversified and led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with major contributions from Information Technology, Gambling, and Soda Sales. Average income is an amazing 337,874 Dog Poops, but there is a vast disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 2,315,964 per year while the poor average 17,706, a ratio of 130 to 1.

Beating enemies to death with a baseball bat is legal if done within nine innings, bread-gangs raid restaurant waste bins to stockpile uneaten rolls, wanting a better life for your child is prohibited by a clause in the criminal code, and war vets look after war animals. Crime, especially youth-related, is all-pervasive, probably because of the absence of a police force. Dogbreathistan's national animal is the Dog, which is also the nation's favorite main course.

Dogbreathistan is ranked 293,915^th in the world and 95^th in Texas for Lowest Crime Rates, with 2.81 law-abiding acts per hour.