The South PacificBoard

It seems some of you have forgotten to vote for me.

You’ve forgotten who keeps you fed with polls.

Who suppresses the trolls.

Who protects your right to role play.

I didn’t plan on making a campaign. You all know me well enough by now, after four terms. Besides, when I campaign . . . well . . .

Really, I’ve been ready to retire for a while, but without term limits constraining me, I felt it only fair to give you all the option of having me be on the LC again for a historic fifth term. However, in the last day of the campaign, I have reversed my position on having a campaign dispatch because of the current second place candidate in this race. Most of the others would be fine, really. It’s no Geriatric League, but they are mostly acceptable. This candidate, however, lacks the temperament or experience necessary to be a Councillor and has an attitude antithetical to the very spirit of the Council.

Let them be on the Council without a fight?

But they’ve ruined enough, and I most certainly won’t let them ruin this dispatch. Now, let’s address common comments and concerns some of you may have, yes?

Number One

Duh.

Next.

So yes, elect me to the Local Council.

I will be waiting.

I don’t like to wait.

Well, well, well. Look who's back, TSP. Oh, what's that? You had hoped I would never return? Well isn't that just a shame. You were weak and merciful, and now I have returned.

Hm. Was that a bit agressive? Terribly sorry, darlings, but the research doesn't lie: aggressive campaign strategies work.

Some of you may remember me from my last Local Council term three months ago. Some of you may know of me simply by knowing to avoid me on the RMB (a wise choice on your part). Some of you may know of me because you are running against me in the Local Council elections. To that last group, I say this:

I love it say it, but you can't beat perfection. Now be quiet, I'm speaking to the people of TSP.

After three terms on the local council, I have all the experience necessary to not ruin the region any more than one of my fellow candidates. Yes, their incompetence knows no bounds. Yes, I have spread rumours about them secretly being part of a marsupial cabal bent on the destruction of traditional TSP values. Yes, technically it all could be a lie, but do you really want to have to take the time to check my facts, or do you want to go about your day? What I'm trying to say is that I'm the clear choice, because of my other candidates,

Have no fear, though. I am pure clasp and elegnace. Aside from my inherent glorious nature, why should you vote for me? Well it's simple, really.

You should be.

As TSP's self-described Poll Master, I have yet to see a Local Councillor with the ability to keep shoving polls down the throats of the citizenry with as much regularity as I once did. Just think: a little something to entertain you while waiting for a response on the RMB. This current LC has been an abomination, entire days passing without even the barest hint of a poll.

With Auphelia on the LC, the wait will be over. Polls, morning, noon, and night will be yours to have. Ever wanted to let everyone know what you think about Meryl Streep? Now is your chance! Do you have any need to express your opinion about vegetables? Ah, haven't we all. Say yes to an Auphelian LC!

I love roleplaying. It can be fun, a wonderful way to meet all manner of delightful people. Now, some people may not understand roleplaying. They may think it is an awful thing to do, cluttering up the RMB.

Common Reactions to Roleplaying by Non-Roleplayers:

I agree, roleplaying can be a bit spammy. But that is the wonderful thing about having all of the other rules we have: they keep all conversations from becoming spammy, including roleplaying. With the liberal application of the suppression shield three times a day, I have no doubt this region can have all of its problems solved.

This is a long way of saying I support roleplaying and its continued inclusion on the RMB.

Now, for the rest of it. My main campaign is the double-pronged polls/roleplay approach, but I do have other ideas on what this region does and doesn't need, and how to cooperate with my fellow Councillors.

I will support the initiatives of other Councillors that do not directly conflict with my own platform in pursuit of the most capable government for the people.

If they want to bring more activity to Discord? I disagree that something of that nature is within the responsibilities of the Local Council's duties, but I will support them nonetheless.

If they want to increase voter turnout in elections? Absolutely! More voting is always a good thing. When the people make their voices heard, that is democracy truly working.

If they support double posting? That is one place where I draw the line. Our RMB is frequently active enough that double posting is unnecessary and could be solved by simply editing your previous post.

If they support a feminist moral theory based on the framework of a pseudo-revolutionary pacifist doctrine? Well, then they'd be me.

You'll have to pick one, though. I have to save something for my next campaign promise.

You have them, and I can guess what they are.

The Current LC:

My Supporters:

My Detractors:

The Rest of Government:

The General TSP Populace Who Haven't Any Idea What's Going On:

The General TSP Populace Who Do Have An Idea of What's Going On:

Auphelia:

That iss the end of the campaign dispatch, my darlings. I do hope you enjoyed yourself, and don't forget to vote for Auphelia in the Local Council elections. Now for my a Capella rendition of "The Rural Juror" . . .

Auphelia For TSP City Council

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Hello, Citizens of Pawnee . . . I mean TSP! How are you feeling today? Good? Great!

My name is Auphelia, and I hereby announce my candidacy for the TSP Local Council! Now, some of you were not around for my first (and only!) term as a Local Councillor of TSP, so let me give you a quick summary of where everyone was at, emotionally, during my tenure!

T h e C i t i z e n s

T h e R e s t O f T h e G o v e r n m e n t

M e

Are you all caught up? Great! Now, I have some great new ideas for the region (and by region I do mean the RMB and whatnot) that I am sure will delight and amaze, as well as some great reasons to vote for me, which I am so excited for you to hear! Or read. As this is a dispatch.

Are you ready for my list? Okay then!

My history in the LC is still spoken of today . . . in positive ways, I am sure. And if not, well . . .

In my last term as LC, back in the storied time known as Spring of 2018, the RMB was a different place. Erinor was Delegate, lampshades and SPIT were distributed to all new nations, and . . . well it wasn't that different.

Regardless of any similarities between then and now, I was a champion against the scourge of double posting, was on the front lines of nearly every conflict against spammers when they dared tread within our RMB, helped drive our RMB posts to new heights (good or bad, who's to say?), and managed to scare new nations with my tentacular awesomeness!

The other candidates, on the other hand . . . weeeelllll . . . it's not that I don't trust the other candidates . . . it's just that I don't have faith in them. Also, I'm beginning to forget who the other candidates are.

Now, I do know I was accused of such things as overly harsh enforcement and corruption in my last term, but I would like to point out that those charges were dropped and one of my main detractors CTE'd in a very non-suspicious way, so it's all fine. Everything is fine.

I am usually active or observing the RMB at some point or another, and in the event of a troll raid or a spam session, no one has ever accused me of being a hesitant suppressor, if you know what I mean.

But don't worry.

I can be calm.

Cool.

Collected.

So vote for me.

It's all right.

Activity is key to a healthy region, and TSP has plenty of it! In fact, we have so much that encouraging people to join in is like encouraging small children to eat sweets! The LC has no need to encourage people to be more active. Instead, we need to focus and direct existing activity into productive outlets.

I am really good at making things sound good! You should just go ahead and stop reading now, go vote for me, and call it a day! After all . . .

Polls, for one, are one of the best ways to get people to talk!

What option did you pick? Why did you pick it? Well that's interesting, but . . .

Luckily for all of you, I am the _{^{self-described}} Queen of Polls! In my tenure as LC, there was not a single day that the region went without a poll! I can guarantee that a vote for Auphelia is a vote for more polls! I was an excellent Local Councillor in terms of polling! I was a poll icon!

I have to admit, though, I don't have many ideas beyond that. I do think games like geography or cinema trivia are fun, and as an LC I would like to run some, but life can be so hectic and player schedules so disparate that I think it would be wrong of me to promise something like that when I don't know I can deliver.

I can, however, promise to work with the ideas of any citizen or work with a fellow LC member on their ideas into something feasible we can do for the region!

Some may say that this means I am simply stealing their idea, but I prefer to think of it a different way.

I absolutely love the RMB, and there is not much more I can say about that.

This RMB is like the waffles of TSP, the people are the friends, and the Forums are the work. The RMB or the people are the best, and the Forums are definitely third. I mean, I could definitely do well in the Forums. I could crush the Forums under my heel and become the Diabolical Dictator of TSP.

After all . . .

However, in the waffles, friends, work balance of TSP, one thing stands true.

This section doesn't really have a point, I just wanted to point out that the RMB is the best, and therefore being an LC is the greatest thing that could ever happen to me in NationStates.

No pressure.

Now, here is a list of things I like.

- More fox parks
- Senior citizens' rights
- Safe streets
- Safe sidewalks
- Safe Torture Labyrinths
- Better schools
- Lower taxes
- Better parks
- More polls
- Better Better Better Business Bureau
- Less blood on the streets
- Less blood on the sidewalks
- Less blood on the vegetation
- Less blood on the children
- Less blood out of doors
- Less blood indoors
- Less blood outside of bodies
- More lampshades
- Protecting TSPers
- Taking the awesome term "Grand Wizard" back from the racists
- Improving tourism (NOT inter-regional)
- Energy-efficient street lights
- RMB Detoxification and Revitalisation Project
- More teachers
- More libraries
- Fewer librarians

- Improve intergovernmental agency communication
- Clean-up TSP
- Passing Volaworand Jobs Bill P-129.4
- Playgrounds in every park
- Playgrounds in every schoolyard
- Playgrounds in every residential block
- Playgrounds in every commercial block
- Playgrounds in every house
- Playgrounds in every sewer drain in the event of another Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle-type situation
- Clean energy
- More baths and showers for our energy
- One Local Councillor for every 5 citizens
- One executioner for every 10,000 raccoons (I'm coming for you, Somyrion)
- Start talking to NHC again (JK, not going to happen)
- Emergency Evacuation Drills (JK again, if TSP dies we're all going down with the ship)
- Murder for Charity
- Forming an Ad Hoc Sub-Committee Oversight Committee for the Sub-Committee of Committee Oversight
- Challenging the norm
- Finally Passing PR-61, formally recognising the (admittedly false) Erinor regime
- Official peace treaty with TNP
- Ten-way stops at every intersection
- Unionising ice cream workers
- Get Europe out of debt
- Loan Europe money
- Conquer Europe
- Conforming to the norm
- Free trade with the Forums
- Declare war on the Forums
- Enact RRP - Raccoon Relocation Project (I'm not kidding, Aumeltopia)
- Freedom from the Torture Labyrinth in exchange for an endorsement of Erinor
- Doubling TSP Hospital and Tetanus Emporiums's nurse staff (Love ya', Beepee)

- Legalise Korean . . . people
- Lower the obesity level
- Stop terrorism from UCR's
- Re-open the toucan exhibit at the Volaworand Zoo
- Find Gabe the Toucan
- Budget Reform
- Cut the budget on the SPSF
- Beat obese children
- Better retirement benefits for government employees
- Fudgetopia Senior Centre Remodelling
- Speed bumps in front of primary schools
- Unemployment benefits
- Employment benefits
- Eliminate the SPSF
- Re-instating Tsunamy as delegate
- No turtles as pets
- Find a replacement for Gabe the Toucan
- Eating the new toucan item at KFP
- New uniforms for nurses
- Free Public Wi-Fi
- Updated fox facilities
- Shutting down the Child Left Behind program
- Handicap parking placards for the obese
- Cleaner drinking water
- BANNING SALADS

- Total control of government functions by LC members with nation names starting with "A"
- Regulate heights of trampolines
- Memorial for those lost in the trampoline "incident"
- Control the floods
- Funding for public art commission
- Fencing in correctional facilities
- New police patrol cars
- Non-cholera polluted water
- Pro-tentacle Legislation
- Funding overtime hours for police
- Rebuilding the Ministry of Regional Affairs
- Prosecuting former MORA Beepee for crimes against humanity
- Profitable government organisations
- Eliminating the MOFA
- Shutting down underground shooting ranges
- Keeping TSP for TSPers
- Water without lead
- Providing more economic development grants and micro-loans to small businesses
- Cut ties with all other regions
- More buses to speed up morning commutes and run over the raccoons
- Free Private WiFi
- More streets to accommodate additional buses
- Working sewers
- More parades
- No repercussions for crimes committed while in positions of power in government

- Getting rid of lead pipes
- Grants for scientists to discover new forms of energy
- Leave a lasting impression on all visitors
- Ban/execute all visitors
- Challenge the norm
- Finish the statue of Erinor
- No more conflict diamonds
- Bulletproof glass everywhere
- Keeping TSP Hospital and Tetanus Emporium open 24/7 to deal with the cholera epidemic
- Free chocolate at every street corner
- One school for every student
- Saying no to Men's Rights Activists

- Require flattering mirrors in public restrooms
- Enforce existing speeding and noise ordinances
- Upgrade existing parks
- More knives
- Create an anti-graffiti, youth outreach program
- Free cake when it's your birthday
- Find oil in TSP
- Join OPEC
- Making it illegal to refuse a hug
- Make downtown more people-friendly
- Sell sweets in government buildings to pay down the debt
- Get TSP a licensed pharmacy
- Better screening processes at local adoption agencies
- Finding homes for the abused children of Day Labor Corp.
- Remove the bear traps from downtown
- Prop 6A: To Recognise All Seven Food Groups (Adding Chocolate, Marshmallows, and Caramel; Removing Vegetables)
- Shut down the unlicensed pharmacy that prescribed cyanide to all of those people
- Replacing all glass with plastic at Pawnee Psychiatric Clinic

Just remember, TSP, I love you and most of all . . .